Who do I believe? My insecure depressed side or my confident happy side?
Now my conifdent side isn't cocky and when I think about it my insecure side is less rational and has less rational thoughts.
So is my happy side those thoughts I should believe? I'd like to but I need to logically justify it in my head.
@PinkLife - These are very deep questions and it's great that you are thinking about these things. Most importantly, I think it's amazing you are trying to be so honest with yourself. I think honesty is a huge tool against our depression. Another option is - is it possible to reconcile both simultaneously, or embrace both simultaneously? I don't think humans are as simple as one-or-the-other. We're complex creatures and that's okay. There might even be a fourth option, or a fifth option, who knows?
For me, I also struggle with internal conflicts! I personally don't think it's healthy to disregard unpleasant things entirely and only focus on the positive; for me, that invalidates how honestly awful I am feeling which ends up making me feel worse. Simultaneously, not acknowledging positive things also makes me feel worse. But sometimes I can find a moment of peace by acknowledging both sides of my own situation, that the insecurity and confidence are both part of me. When my insecurity causes me to suffer or hate myself, I try very hard to forgive myself for the thought and try to restructure the thought more factually. For example, sometimes I think I have no right to be confident, but then I forgive myself and think instead that I have the right to feel however I feel in each individual moment and that I deserve to feel confident as much as anyone else. That's just me, though, and that's just an example of rationalizing our uncomfortable thoughts.
You ultimately know yourself better than anyone! What have you done to try to balance this internal duality in the past? Maybe we can learn from each other, or a conversation about this will help give everyone some new ideas!
@melonMeloncholy i've never really had the duality because depression is far more convincing no matter how implausible it is.
I've decided that if the idea comes from a place of anxiety/depression/etc and does not have concrete evidence to prove it is true that it is bunk and I should dismiss it. That has been helping with those thoughts.
Thats what my therapist used to say but my mother says the opposite. I feel like I'm honest with myself as I can be.
My non depressive thoughts aren't like impervious to logic or calculation or self reflections they're just more rational and balanced.
@PinkLife - For sure, dpression is overwhelming and loud and definitely tries to rationalize its intrusive thoughts however possible, it can also turn any positive into a negative pretty quickly and be a disheartening force to live with. :(
How great that you are continuing to try to figure things out. I'm glad that dismissing thoughts that have no concrete evidence has been helping you a little bit! That's great. Whether it's your therapist or your mother or me or anyone else, you have the power to decide for yourself what helps you and what doesn't :) Let us know if you discover anything else that helps a little! I hope some other members can also offer their perspectives.
@melonMeloncholy oh what i meant was my therapist used to tell me i'm very honest with myself and my mother says the opposite. i think she's horribly wrong but she has something to say about everything.