Things you don't feel like sharing with your therapist
I'm curious what kind of stuff people feel too embarrassed or ashamed of to mention to their therapist.
An example of mine is when me or my partner are in the dumps with depression/anxiety we half jokingly (some themes mirror our issues) take on roles - me: of course I'm incompetent at this, I'm just a puppy and she's a bunny that wants to be like a woman and do everything a woman should do, tries to sing like one like 'la la laaa!' It's very animated and over the top but feels good to distance ourselves from being hoomans sometimes. It probably is just a form of escapism though.
Anyway curious to know what you'd feel weird about sharing with a therapist about yourself but ok over the internet :)
Something I would never tell my therapist?
My therapist had just come back from having a baby, and I was working out some issues on whether that's something I should do or not. But when we'd talk about mothers or having children I had a hard time voicing my honest opinions, as I didn't want to offend her by expressing my reservations about kids. So once a week I would go in and talk about how "I was raised wrong, but I totally love my mom" and then wonder if I could reclaim my childhood by doing it right with my own kids. I got pretty turned around and took my therapists encouragement and my own half-hearted endorsements of motherhood and yeah, got pregnant. It was a horrible mistake. I ended the pregnancy, and I'm never going to tell my therapist about any of it.
@cobwebby
I can totally see why you'd feel worried about offending your therapist in that situation. A therapist acting impartially shouldn't take what a patient says personally, as we are all entitled to express our views. With something as controversial as whether to have children I'd hope that a therapist would be especially considerate of people's right to make their own life choices. I'd expect the same care to be taken even amidst the controversy of pro-life vs pro-choice, as in your case of choosing to end the pregnancy.
I know that despite that though it still may not be a comfortable position, sharing with someone who made a different significant life choice. They're still a person with their own personal views when they get out of work, taking the role of the therapist when in session.
When I had a therapist and he asked me if I ever had a plan to do the not alive I was like "yeah" but I never told him what the plan was exactly when he asked because I thought it was too stupid lol. I was so up my own ass that I thought he would judge me over my perhaps-not-the-most-conventional-but-points-for-creativity suicide plan lmao. I've never stooped to that level again luckily.
@exuberantLemon7371
I'm glad you haven't had any more plans to do the not alive, not heard that term but found it rather amusing despite the dark topic.
Just the other week in a vulnerable depressive moment I had thoughts about suicide for the first time in a long time. I never quite get to the planning part as the thought of it personally upsets me too much. Maybe I'm too empathetic in my not very old age but I'm glad it serves that important purpose of keeping me breathing.
I'm curious, what are your main reasons for not going through with suicide despite the plan to do so?
My own for not wanting to are:
. There would be nothing left to experience, good as well as bad. There's no opportunity for circumstances to ever change for the better if I'm not around to see anything positive unfold.
. I imagine how much my partner, mother, and others would be crushed as if I'm really seeing them suffering after the fact.
. That feeling at the thought mentioned above
@ChocolateShooby
Well I have COPD as a rather young person, I was lonely and had pneumonia at the time, and I told myself if I still wanted to do it by the end of the year then I would. Things got better, or maybe I just like life too much even if it's tumultuous, I dont know.
I also think about my parents and loved ones every time I feel that way. I never want to put them through that.
I think I'm also just stubborn as hell. I think life is a really rare opportunity. I'll be damned if I give it up so easily.
@exuberantLemon7371
I'm glad things got better for you that year. Otherwise I wouldn't have seen your contribution, to say nothing of the many things, big or small, that you bring to this world that I, perhaps even you, don't know about :') That must have been a really tough period of your life, and here you are out the other end. Those sound like some great reasons to me. Stubbornness or not I have to agree that life really is a rare opportunity, especially one that has the human level of complexity. Whilst I sometimes wonder about what the lives of other animals would be like to experience, I can't deny that the many layers of gray surrounding our lives make things interesting.
I wonder do you get lonely much these days? Whatever your answer may be, what would you say helps you to deal with loneliness?
@ChocolateShooby
I think about what animals experience too! I think it's interesting. I feel like it would be simpler, but not necessarily better or worse.
I have been really lonely lately. That's why I came here. I have been trying to keep an open mind and listen to advice. I have reached out more to friends today. And I have talked to my parents about getting a therapist. I've also tried to have fun and use my time being depressed to heal instead of "do" what I "should" do.
@exuberantLemon7371
Those are all really great steps you are taking :) Sometimes we do just need to reach out to someone when we're feeling low for whatever reason, and that you've talked about reaching out to a therapist is brilliant. I'm finding that having a conversation with and encouraging others here is helping me to lift my own mood as well as feel less socially isolated. There is a sort of sense of community here, even if I don't necessarily know people by their names. I feel like I'm seeing snippets of people that mean something to them and it makes me want to help where I'm able to in spite of my own problems
@ChocolateShooby
I know what you mean. I used to frequent yahoo answers when I was a young teen and give people relationship advice 😂 I don't think I knew much, but I've always liked helping. I'm glad it's working for you.
@exuberantLemon7371
Yeah I'm definitely no expert either myself, just try to relate and help where I can : ) sometimes though my anxiety brain is like "you better not be giving these people terrible advice son" lol
@ChocolateShooby lol, i think youre doing good
@ChocolateShooby
I actually think that's a great coping strategy. I could totally see myself doing the same if I ever had the luck of such an understanding partner.
As for things I wouldn't want to share with a therapist; A lot of things actually, because I have major trust issues specifically towards therapists due to bad experiences with one when I was still a kid. I have like deeply ingrained fear and aggression towards them, even though I know that many, if not most therapists are truly good-hearted and very helpful people. If I ever had to speak to one I'd probably just sit there keeping my mouth shut, even if they're just asking for trivial information like my name and age.
@Soe22
I'm sorry to hear that you've had bad experiences with therapists in the past. My partner has gone through similar experiences herself so I can see why it would feel very difficult to be vulnerable before another therapist. If it's anything to go by, and I know you said yourself that most other therapists would be kinder (that's a great awareness to have, by the way, you've identified a reality separate from that feeling of fear), my partner's most recent therapist has been the best, most productive she's ever had. Coming from a history of therapy fear similar to yourself she's getting a lot out of it. I'd definitely say finding the right therapist that you connect well with is important, and to not be afraid to assert when you think another therapist would be a better fit.
She's going through advanced CBT at the moment which partly covers a big thing many people do for others but neglect to do when it comes to themselves, and that is self-compassion. I'm no expert in it and struggle with being very self-critical, perfectionistic and fearing inadequacy myself. I'll soon be moving on to that stage as well so here's hoping I benefit a lot from it too.
You might be thinking something like "even though there are potential benefits for me too it doesn't change that I still feel too afraid to pursue it". To take part in and communicate during therapy, especially under your circumstances, takes a lot of bravery and a big 'sod it'. My partner had to rile herself up for it big time (bunnies really aren't typically known for their bravery), but she's very glad that she did as she's now on the path to recovery.
Now I don't want you to feel pressured to try therapy, that's not what I intend with this, but I do hope that someday you may find the support that you need at a pace that is right for you.
Still I can't help but wonder what a nice conversation may follow from you opening up your fears about therapy to a good therapist themselves
I was an alien cross breed between a Klingon and an Alien...a singularity...
Tell that to your therapist and they are sure to label you immetiately bonkers😂😂😂🤗😊
@OldSerendipityBoat
Lol, they might ask you to do some thought challenging as to your origin at very least, heh heh
@ChocolateShooby
The answear is always "I don't know😶", I stick with that😉...
😊🤗😀
Glad someone has a sense of himoir like me😶
My smoothie...
@OldSerendipityBoat
Sometimes I too feel ashamed about the contents of my smoothies :'p
I was crushed on my professor as he is decent, smart and brilliant. I know he has a son but I didn't see his marriage ring. For months I hoped that he would be divorced or widower, but today he told us something about his wife. I pretended I am ok that moment, and I tried the whole day to forget that, but at the end of the day I couldn't take that and when I found this forum I decided to write as I didn't tell anyone about my feelings as I know that there is something wrong. I am very disapointed because I even have no right to dream about what I used to hope.
@DinaElwy
You couldn't have known whether he had a wife, and the way you felt could not be helped. Intellectual/physical attraction to a superior of any kind, be it professor, teacher, boss happens a lot I'm sure. It sounds like if you would have known he was married or with another woman then you would have respected their boundaries (no judgment if that isn't the case, I just somehow infer this from your post). It does feel disappointing and upsetting when the person you liked is with someone else, I can definitely understand that, but your feelings are a natural part of the human experience : ) It's easy to feel guilty for having felt this way for someone under the circumstances - you haven't done anything wrong feeling this way, however, and you need not be ashamed or blame yourself for your feelings.
I hope this message has helped you in some way. I am open to talk with you more about it or just listen if you would like.
-Shoob
@ChocolateShooby Thank you for your support.
I really feel bad for giving my feelings to a married person, but what could I say; all good men must be taken. I am trying to adabt my heart not to feel like that towards him, but it's so hard.
@DinaElwy
It must have felt really disheartening and embarrassing to admit your feelings and then find out he's married - I'd feel broken up for sure if that happened to me. I know it may not feel like it now, it's likely to be the last thing one would conceive in this situation, but in time the emotional pain you are experiencing does heal and someday you'll find yourself feeling ready to emotionally open up to someone else. It makes sense to me why you'd think that the good men are taken in this case when faced with rejection, especially so if you've been faced with another reminiscent circumstance in the past. It's easy for us to overgeneralise when something like this happens. In truth nobody really knows when they'll find an ideal partner, that much is certain - I think life would like to leave that as a pleasant surprise for you. Meanwhile all you can really do is work on and look after yourself : )
If you feel like this situation and/or anything else is making you feel depressed/anxious/low mood or causing your mental health to deteriorate in any way, I recommend contacting your local GP who could help you get the help you would benefit from in that circumstance, usually in the form of talking therapy or cognitive behavioural therapy (explores challenging the way we think about situations). If you don't feel you need assistance that way, or feel uncomfortable with reaching out I encourage you to continue to visit 7cups as there are plenty of people here that can relate to your situation ^^
@ChocolateShooby Thank you for your answer.
I didn't admit my feelings to him or anybody because I didn't trust myself if I am deserving him.
My therapist would tell me religious things so I am not dealing with him.
I could be comfortable with someone who listen and respond to what I say not just listning without saying anything.
@DinaElwy
Ahh, apologies I mistook your meaning there. I think you do right not to share it if you know your therapist to use religion as a bias in therapy. Perhaps finding a less biased and more impartial therapist would be of some use to you in your situation : ) I can see why you'd want a response; just listening whilst nice in some ways doesn't really have the same impact as compassion and helpful advice
I dont have a therapist right now but I did, and my mom had me going for anxiety when I had much more pressing problems she didn't know about, like possible depression, thoughts of doing the not alive thing or the self injury thing, stuff like that, and I never told my therapist what I really needed help with
@TheNerdyCat
It must have felt hard to share the other issues with the therapist and mother when you had gone in with the focus of getting therapy for anxiety. I can somewhat relate as I have been reluctant to bring up additional things I think are possible problems for me with my own therapist. My own reasons may be similar or different to yours - mine I think is part of my anxiety and depression together, feeling like I'd just be complicating things more and putting more on my therapist who I know to be a trainee and appears just a bit older than myself. I know reading back on this though that my thinking there is irrational and I'd be better off mentioning things I'm reluctant to in the long run. I know that can be a difficult step to make though, regardless of the personal reason.
Someday you may consider reaching out to a therapist about the more pressing issues you have - that is always an option and I think you would likely benefit from this. I mean to put no pressure on you, however, and leave that choice completely up to you : )
It is good to read, I always thought I was alone with this.
I probably tell way too less but I always feel like what I feel bad about is really not worth feeling that bad about.
I feel very embarrassed about the things that make me selfharm, I basically never talk about it and I know it is so bad.
I have a really hard time trusting people so that may be why
@navyBlueberry2704
I'm glad this has helped you see that you are not alone in your struggle : )
We can be made to feel bad about expressing our feelings by the way others have reacted to them in the past, but It's your right as a human being to freely feel and express your emotions.
There is no shame in admitting your struggles, but it does take lots of courage and a big sod it. This is coming from someone who admitted to their partner of 2 years that they struggled with sexual addiction. Thinking it would most certainly end the relationship, kind of like how embarrassment can make people really uncomfortable and fear repercussions from others, it terrified me but I felt guilty for keeping these things from the people that are most important and denying myself of positive growth.
I understand it is difficult to trust and be vulnerable before others, especially if we have been so in the past and been hurt as a result. The paradox of this is that because trust must be earned, seeing how someone responds to you when making yourself vulnerable ensures whether you feel you can trust them or not. A therapist is supposed to be impartial, non-judgmental and focussed on giving you access to the support that you need. In my view, other than family members or friends (if trustworthy), they are as low-risk as it gets when it comes to avoiding making a reality of any potential fears that underlie trusting others.
@ChocolateShooby
Thanks a lot! It is really brave of you to tell your partner however that ended. I like the paradox you pointed out, I think this is something that is very cool to think of like that. Or well, to see, idk I am rambling sorry
@navyBlueberry2704
Thanks for your kind words, it did take a lot for me to admit it for sure. What gave me the courage I think was how resigned I was in being sure it would mean the end of us (which felt like the end of the world at the time) and knowing that she deserved to be with someone who can make her authentically happy meant I had to be prepared to give her up so she could find that. I was really surprised when she decided to give me a chance to redeem myself, despite how much she was hurt by my deception. 9 months later I haven't relapsed since that day.
I'm glad it resonates with you in some way, and hope that it may help in the future during times when you need someone you can trust.
It's ok btw, I could ramble on and on about these things and this is me trying to be concise xD
