*TW* Anyone else get really dumb after a suicide attempt?
I hope this is the right place to put this, I can move it if it's not.
So last year I had a breakdown where for several months, my anxiety made me ridiculously scared 24/7, I would shake constantly and had really bad chest pain, I had outbursts, I cut ties with all my friends and isolated myself more than I already was, I had to quit my job and get a poor-paying online one, I wasn't eating, and I was very very depressed. Between the start of that and now, I've had two suicide attempts too. I've had depression and anxiety for over a decade and things have never been that bad.
The issue is that I'm usually a bright, clear-headed, curious, friendly, and logical person, and since the start of that I've felt so dull and slow and unable to do or understand anything. I had to take a semester off of college because my grades were so bad the previous semester and I just couldn't keep up with the very light intro assignments. I can't focus on anything or remember simple things like the color of someone's car. It's embarrassing, whether I'm in a group or talking one-on-one I can't get myself to think of anything and I stumble over what words I can think of if I'm asked something, and even then sometimes I say things completely different from what I want to communicate. I can't stop remembering bad memories and I'm so emotional it's gross.
I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happened, after a suicide attempt or while dealing with depression or at any time? Did you figure out the cause and how are you now? I don't have a doctor or I would ask them, currently trying to see a local non-profit therapist since it's the only thing I'd be able to afford but it's still been hard saving up for that. So sorry for asking a medical-ish question.
@Pennn
I have dealt with major depression, anxiety, etc. for most of my life and I can totally relate to this. Especially right after a really bad bout of depression and/or anxiety my brain seems to completely crash; It will get so bad that in the middle of a conversation I will completely forget everything I previously said and it will take a good bit to remember again (meanwhile I'll just be standing there with a blank expression). To say I feel stupid or silly would be a major understatement. However, what I've come to realize is that though it is extremely annoying it's also VERY understandable. Your brain has just gone through a TON of stress, a multitude of extreme emotions and not to mention a couple of life or death situations in a relatively short but extended amount of time (if that makes sense). Now that you are coming out of it your brain is definitely going to feel very tired. You are finally at a relatively safe place mentally and your mind subconsciously knows this so it also feels safe to finally take a well-needed break. It may take a little while but you will eventually get back to your old self, just remember this is part of your mind and body's healing process.
From personal experience, I know that just staying engaged helps a lot. But do remember, never push yourself too hard. You have just fought and won a fierce battle you need to step back and take a breather. I would definitely recommend continuing to talk to people, you may feel silly at times because of your mistakes but we are all only human, so even if you have to completely stop talking to reorganize your thoughts (which is what I have done many many times) you should do it. Even if the person you are talking to doesn't understand what you have just been through they should be understanding enough to realize that everyone gets confused at times and needs a moment to reorganize. If not you should talk to someone else because they aren't worth your time. Also, I know it is extremely difficult but you should try to stay connected with family/friends. I personally come from a very detached family and have no friends (besides online) so I know of how difficult it can be, but I also know that talking with someone can help so much, even if it's through message or email. I'm not saying that it will fix everything, but just knowing that there is someone you can confide in day or night, and is happy to listen and talk with no pitying what so ever, really feels like a lifeline and that you are never alone. So if you feel like you have no one like that, or even if you do but you want another, I am more than happy to talk! I can usually be reached at any time, I am open to talking about ANYTHING, and I am NEVER quick to judge. We all have our own stories and I would love to hear and help with yours anytime. [MonBon removed personal contact info]
And can I just say that I am SO happy that you were able to get through that difficult part of your life. You may still feel the effects and you may even find yourself in a similar situation again, but just know, you made it through. That is absolutely incredible! You should be so proud, I know I am, and I know you are even stronger than before! <3
@Ginger262 Thank you for your response, it's such a relief to know that I'm not the only one going through this. It is incredibly frustrating but I'm glad to hear you've found ways to deal with it and I'll definitely be trying out your tips. Continuing to socialize has been helpful so far, it feels like my brain is getting more comfortable holding conversation. Best of luck!
