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Pennn
197 M Embraced 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts10 Forum upvotes15 Current upvotes15 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2019 Member sinceApril 18, 2018
Recent forum posts
Scared/Hesitant to Try Therapy Again
General Support / by Pennn
Last post
November 19th, 2019
...See more So I'm not so great at/comfortable with talking about things with anyone, even my journal entries end in me disregarding my feelings and insisting everything's great. I tried counselling online last year for 5 or 6 sessions, short time I know. The first couple of sessions were productive but I eventually closed up and our sessions were just very expensive check-ins with eating, physical activity, etc. I chose to stop going after a few sessions like that. I have the opportunity to try in-person therapy but I can't help but feel like it would be a waste of energy and money and will leave me feeling like I have something wrong with me if it doesn't work out again. I don't want to refuse to get help out of fear and have it impact my life, but I can't bring myself to think trying it out would be worth it/successful. Help getting unstuck?
*TW* Anyone else get really dumb after a suicide attempt?
Depression Support / by Pennn
Last post
November 16th, 2019
...See more I hope this is the right place to put this, I can move it if it's not. So last year I had a breakdown where for several months, my anxiety made me ridiculously scared 24/7, I would shake constantly and had really bad chest pain, I had outbursts, I cut ties with all my friends and isolated myself more than I already was, I had to quit my job and get a poor-paying online one, I wasn't eating, and I was very very depressed. Between the start of that and now, I've had two suicide attempts too. I've had depression and anxiety for over a decade and things have never been that bad. The issue is that I'm usually a bright, clear-headed, curious, friendly, and logical person, and since the start of that I've felt so dull and slow and unable to do or understand anything. I had to take a semester off of college because my grades were so bad the previous semester and I just couldn't keep up with the very light intro assignments. I can't focus on anything or remember simple things like the color of someone's car. It's embarrassing, whether I'm in a group or talking one-on-one I can't get myself to think of anything and I stumble over what words I can think of if I'm asked something, and even then sometimes I say things completely different from what I want to communicate. I can't stop remembering bad memories and I'm so emotional it's gross. I'm wondering if anyone else has had this happened, after a suicide attempt or while dealing with depression or at any time? Did you figure out the cause and how are you now? I don't have a doctor or I would ask them, currently trying to see a local non-profit therapist since it's the only thing I'd be able to afford but it's still been hard saving up for that. So sorry for asking a medical-ish question.
Can't be around too few people?
Anxiety Support / by Pennn
Last post
October 3rd, 2019
...See more Don't get me wrong, being around a ton of people, especially ones who know me or are in close quarters, freaks me out too. But I also get very anxious when I'm with another person or a few people in a quiet, closed setting. I feel like everything I do is magnified and like I can't even breathe without it being the loudest thing, so my mind races constantly analyzing everything I do and say and everything the other person/people do and say. Plus I feel like I always need a potential escape path and that's harder with less people/more attention on you/physical barriers like a closed-off space. I've recently made a friend who's going through a lot of similar mental health things as me and who I really like spending time with, except she really likes quieter, less crowded, closed-off places. She's confided in me that she can't be comfortable in busier or open spaces and for the first handful of hangouts I've been going to tiny quiet cafes and hanging out in her room with the door locked hoping I'd just get over it, but I can't. I've hinted that I get freaked out in settings like that but I'd feel silly saying it outright. I had to wiggle out of plans this weekend because just thinking about being in a situation like that again is making my chest hurt, but I feel like I'm ruining a potentially good friendship. Even if I told her though, where would we hang out?? So this is kind of a two-part question: 1. Does anyone else get super nervous in quiet, closed-off, few-people places? What can be done to alleviate some of that anxiety? 2. What should I do about my friend situation?
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