Overcoming depression apathy?
Hello!
id like to start this out by saying I’m generally a very, very empathetic person.
That being said, I have struggled with severe depression in the past. I come from a very strict, non-emotive family, so I had to navigate through it virtually alone. It was an incredibly difficult time of my life. I managed to overcome it, and though I still have off days, I’ve mostly returned to a more positive outlook on life in general.
HOWEVER, I know I’m still heavily damaged from that experience. While I was going through it, I knew exactly how to help others in a depressed state, because I was the exact same. But now, I fear that perhaps I haven’t actually grown from my depression- I’ve suppressed it. And when anyone else goes through a remotely sad time, I almost snap at them, and have to seriously refrain from telling them to get over it or just overall changing the subject and not even acknowledging what they’re going through. It’s not anger, necessarily- it’s more like a panic, an instinct to shut down and redirect the conversation completely. I used to be so good with others, I always told myself I would handle it differently than my parents did if I ever saw someone going through a depressed state.
I struggle with this every day- I know it’s completely inappropriate to be upset with someone who is depressed; and I know I need to work on it but I’m just not sure how. I feel like a monster.
I guess my question is, has anyone else out there gone through a similar experience? Is so, do you have any tips on overcoming it? Not just becoming sympathetic with others and moving on, but I want to become empathetic again. I want to be able to get into deep conversations with them, help them navigate through this difficult emotion without wanting to default to ‘get over it’ or ‘it’ll be fine.’
please, if anyone at all has any tips, I beg you reach out to me! I know I’m very damaged, and I have to get through this- I’m just not sure how. Am I still depressed, but suppressing it perhaps? Or am I just damaged from the trauma of having to deal with it by myself? Am I doomed to forever feel apathy towards people who deserve the most help— for something so complex, so complicated?
please, let me know any thoughts or criticisms you have! I would love to hear it!! 💜
@ParisBee I’m empathetic and care about most people, except people who don’t do much for the planet and I don’t want their presence in my life. Like stalkers and creeps. I have been a source of support to a lot of people who are suicidal and depressed, and usually I just expect them to not have thoughts of hatred towards me. It’s not my job to nurture people who want me dead. It’s not my job to support people who have families that might even prefer them dead, and that’s not cause those people are terrible, but cause there is a net value a person can be and they are below it.
@Happyspringseasysouth4887peace And I love my family. Cause I never see that kind of toxic behavior I see from the planet with any of them.
thank you for your response, first off!
im not fully certain how to relate it to my original comment, however- I highly apologize if I came off the wrong way! It’s not that i want anyone dead or think anyone is terrible in any way, I do recognize that this is a problem within myself and I definitely woul love to learn how to fix it and get back that empathy I seem to have lost within myself.
I do admire your clear boundaries though, that is a great way to view it- you should never have to feel as though it’s your job to take care of a person that does not want your help. That is an exhausting and intensive job that no one should ever have to take on their own.
@ParisBee Sure, I don’t mean you, I was talking about instances from my life.
I would check in with therapist to see if you are suppressing.
However I empathise with you very much. I used to be a guidance teacher at school and children would come up to me with their problems.
I experienced a bit similar but not anger - more like I felt hopeless for them. But I was and still am in depression and at the time I had to leave the job as I couldn't offer support to children who came in with symptoms similar to mine. A bit like a burnout.
So do take care of seeking self compassion first with yourself. I don't yet know how so unfortunately I cannot go back to being with depressed children even though I was alwats told I'm very empathetic. But I keep struggling year in year out and feel depleted so I have nothing to give.
I'm trying Emdr at moment.
Keep well take care