@NellaNutella
Hi! I do relate to what you said very much! To me many times happened that I would suddenly feel nervous, sad or angry and maybe cried and then when people would come and ask me "what happened?" or "how do you feel?" and "why do you feel this way?" I wouldn't know what to answer! In general I find it very hard to focus on my thoughts and many times I just need to speak them outloud, talking to myself, in order to make sense with a logical reasoning. Lately I'm trying to take time to stop and observe better what happens to me, the emotions I feel and my thoughts. I'm also trying to write them down when I can and re-read them. I find that I was all the time kind of "rushing" with my mind, jumping from one thing to another, and especially when an unpleasant feeling would come up I immediately looked for distraction. And the funny part is that I was assuming to know what was going on! Like "ok, I already know this, it's bad, let's push it aside", but now I realize that with this attitude I wasn't understanding my issues and what was going on with myself really. Always pushing things aside and not looking at them, never took the time to stop, even five minutes, and acknowledge what I was feeling actually, what I really was thinking about. Just saying "it's wrong, or I don't need to feel this way". Maybe I was right in a way, but I'm understanding now that in order to get better I do need to stop, take a look, maybe write what I'm feeling, maybe just sit with it for a few moments, maybe try to explain it to someone else (also writing to myself as if writing to someone else). Often I feel too much pressure in my mind to do this so I just try to relax and acknowledge things, without judgement. And I tell myself that I can come back to the subject in a moment when I feel more rested and maybe write things down and look at it better. I also spoke with someone about this, and I understand that in the beginning the mind can be very confused and the process of writing things down can be messy and confusing but then, if practiced regularly, it gets better in time. Like the mind learns how to notice things that are happening to you, thoughts that are coming up etc. And eventually things start to get a little clearer.
Just wanted to say that I relate to what you said pretty much and share a little bit of my experience! Please feel free to talk it over if you want to! :) Wish you all the best