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I feel like I have tried everything, what else can I do

politeBranch2505 June 20th
.

Hi, I just made this account because I am having trouble figuring out what to do and I was hoping that asking somewhere like this might help. Basically, I feel like I have tried everything. I have been in therapy for four years with three different therapists, one for the past three years who I am now moving on from. I am home from college right now and I will be starting with someone new this fall. In any case, I have been on two different SSRI's and neither really helped. They put me on a low dose of abilify for a while to try to make one of the SSRI's work better and it didn't do anything but make me gain weight. I have been on pretty high doses of the SSRI's and it didn't help. Now I am trying Gabapentin, but it isn't making much of a difference yet. I was diagnosed with Celiac last year, and since then I have stopped eating gluten. I don't get much exercise or eat super well at college because of a lack of options, but now that I am home I both eat well and exercise. My periods are slightly irregular, but I have had my blood tested multiple times and all my hormones appear to be normal. I am on vitamin supplements. I have hobbies I am very passionate about, but when I feel like this I lose interest or energy for them. Basically, I feel like I have tried everything.

I am actually okay some of the time, some of the time I am even really happy, but I am hopeless a significant amount of the time. Specifically, I will usually have one to two days a week where I am extremely hopeless and struggle to function at all. I have an intense feeling that I am not even human. I feel misplaced in my own body and nothing about the world makes sense to me. It is difficult because these episodes take up a lot of time, and even though I can think maybe I will feel better again, it is so painful when it is happening that that doesn't really seem worth it. And even when I am happy, I know that that intense pain will come again. 

Between discussions with my psychiatrist, doctor, and therapist, it seems that I may have OCD and quite possibly autism, and these both feel like they match a lot of what I deal with, but I don't know what to do beyond being like "Yeah, that is probably the problem." 

My main issue right now is I am getting really concerned about my ability to function. I graduate next year and I still cannot really function alone. I struggle with driving and I have very little endurance when it comes to doing things I don't like, which is most things. I don't want to have to rely on my parents forever, especially now that they are getting older. If I can't figure out how to start to function, I don't know how I will be able to survive. At this point I should add, I feel very lonely, even though I have good friends who are always telling me they love me. It just somehow feels hollow, because somehow I still feel like I am not really connected with them. At the end of the day I am never going to be their priority, and that is okay, because I can't ask that of them, but I feel I cannot survive on my own, and I am going to need someone to help me, and I am a difficult person to help. The reality is I cannot depend on my parents forever and I have no one else who is going to be able to support me, so I need to figure out how to help myself. But like I said, I don't know what else to try. I am just hoping some people might have some ideas or similar experiences of struggling with trying a lot of things and not finding solutions. Thanks.

2
ASilentObserver June 24th
.

@politeBranch2505 Thank you for opening up and sharing with us branch. It seems like you tried many approaches to find relief from these challenging symptoms despite your best efforts and it is exhausting. Feeling hopeless and disconnected from others is tough too. What thoughts go through your mind during those intense hopeless spells?

HEARTSNCROSSES June 24th
.

@politeBranch2505 You absolutely have the ability to function and function successfully as you are about to graduate which is an accomplishment in it self.  I would focus on what does motivate you and perfect those things.  Many people rely on their parents well into their 30's for whatever reason.  So do not get down on yourself.  You got this!