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Hi, I just made this account because I am having trouble figuring out what to do and I was hoping that asking somewhere like this might help. Basically, I feel like I have tried everything. I have been in therapy for four years with three different therapists, one for the past three years who I am now moving on from. I am home from college right now and I will be starting with someone new this fall. In any case, I have been on two different SSRI's and neither really helped. They put me on a low dose of abilify for a while to try to make one of the SSRI's work better and it didn't do anything but make me gain weight. I have been on pretty high doses of the SSRI's and it didn't help. Now I am trying Gabapentin, but it isn't making much of a difference yet. I was diagnosed with Celiac last year, and since then I have stopped eating gluten. I don't get much exercise or eat super well at college because of a lack of options, but now that I am home I both eat well and exercise. My periods are slightly irregular, but I have had my blood tested multiple times and all my hormones appear to be normal. I am on vitamin supplements. I have hobbies I am very passionate about, but when I feel like this I lose interest or energy for them. Basically, I feel like I have tried everything.
I am actually okay some of the time, some of the time I am even really happy, but I am hopeless a significant amount of the time. Specifically, I will usually have one to two days a week where I am extremely hopeless and struggle to function at all. I have an intense feeling that I am not even human. I feel misplaced in my own body and nothing about the world makes sense to me. It is difficult because these episodes take up a lot of time, and even though I can think maybe I will feel better again, it is so painful when it is happening that that doesn't really seem worth it. And even when I am happy, I know that that intense pain will come again.
Between discussions with my psychiatrist, doctor, and therapist, it seems that I may have OCD and quite possibly autism, and these both feel like they match a lot of what I deal with, but I don't know what to do beyond being like "Yeah, that is probably the problem."
My main issue right now is I am getting really concerned about my ability to function. I graduate next year and I still cannot really function alone. I struggle with driving and I have very little endurance when it comes to doing things I don't like, which is most things. I don't want to have to rely on my parents forever, especially now that they are getting older. If I can't figure out how to start to function, I don't know how I will be able to survive. At this point I should add, I feel very lonely, even though I have good friends who are always telling me they love me. It just somehow feels hollow, because somehow I still feel like I am not really connected with them. At the end of the day I am never going to be their priority, and that is okay, because I can't ask that of them, but I feel I cannot survive on my own, and I am going to need someone to help me, and I am a difficult person to help. The reality is I cannot depend on my parents forever and I have no one else who is going to be able to support me, so I need to figure out how to help myself. But like I said, I don't know what else to try. I am just hoping some people might have some ideas or similar experiences of struggling with trying a lot of things and not finding solutions. Thanks.
