How do I tell my family that I have depression?

Hi. I have some things that come to mind for me that I want to share with you. I wonder if it is important for you to share the fact that you have depression with your whole family at once or maybe start with one family member. Maybe your sister who you think might suspect already? Then before you say anything, maybe get clarity for yourself about what you want them to know. Maybe write that down for yourself and think about it for a day or 2 before taking the next step. Maybe you want to include a link or a book or something they can read to get more information (from an objective or unrelated party). Then you can think about how you want to share with them. Do you want to sit down and have a talk or do you want to write a letter? Think of what the pros and cons might be with each method and what feels right to you. How does this feel to you? What do you think about it?

@Chiaroscuro1

Thank you for your suggestions! I wrote a letter to my sister, and she responded supportively. So now I at least have someone 'on my side.' Maybe she can help me come up with a plan to tell my mum, because that will be the hardest, and I'm not quite ready for that yet. I think writing down what I want to say is a great idea.

@braincheese - That must have taken a lot of courage and I applaud you. I am very happy to hear that she responded positively and that she understands. Maybe your sister will be willing to be with you when you share the news with your mom. Do you feel that is something that could help you?

@Chiaroscuro1

Thank you. I do think that she would back me up, which would definitely help.

@braincheese

Hi there,
I'm sorry to hear that you've been going through depression for so long. Depression can be realy tough to deal with, and one of the hardest things can be telling family and friends.
When it comes to telling them, the first important thing to remember is that it's up to you if and when you tell people. Telling people can take a lot of courage and it's important that you only tell people when you feel ready. You mentioned in your post that you've had depression for ten years and kept it hidden, so the fact that you're asking this question now suggests that you feel ready, which is really good, but if it comes down to it and you get too nervous, it's perfectly fine to wait a bit longer until you know for certain that you're ready to share.
The second important thing is to remember that people have faults. When you share this kind of news with somebody, it can be hard for them to take on board. Of course, you'd hope that they would respond positively and supportively, but it is important to know that unfortunately this might not be the case. People can respond badly to this for many reasons, for example (like you mentioned about your mum in your post), they might not understand mental illness properly, or might believe that it's not a 'proper' illness. Of course, you and I both know that this is completely untrue, and that depression is a very real and debilitating illness, but unfortunately, not everyone knows this for themselves. Another reason for a negative response is that the person might feel bad or guilty that you didn't feel able to tell them sooner. It's important to remember that however they respond is their problem, not yours, and that if they are unsupportive, there are plenty of other people who are willing to support you and listen to you and you mustn't feel guilty about how the person reacted.
When it comes to actually telling them, I'd recommend doing whatever works for you. A good way can be to sit down with them in a relaxed and calm environment, and to do your best to explain it (it can help to write down and practise what you're going to say before you do this). If this is too hard for you, other ways could include writing it down in a letter and giving it to the other person. Talking is usually the best option, but this can be extremely difficult, so sometimes a letter can serve as a way to start a conversation. Afterwards, you may need to answer questions from the other person which can be tough, but is something tht you can prepare for.
After you tell someone, you may also want to let out how you're feeling. To do this, you can talk to anyone: a friend who already knows about your depression, a 7 Cups listener, or even just writing your feelings down in a mood journal might help. You can also speak to a 7 Cups listener if you require support before, during, or after.
I hope some of that helps and that everything goes well!

@CheerfulCharlotte - I completely agree.

@CheerfulCharlotte

Thank you! I'm really bad at starting conversations anyway, but maybe breaking the proverbial ice with a letter is a good way to start. It's hard not knowing how people will react, haha. Luckily, my sister responded supportively, and said she'll help me in any way she can. Her best friend suffers from depression as well, so she understands.

Try promting it and hinting before you tell, it'll make the task softer

@Monoca

Thanks, that's a good idea, too.

The first thing that comes to mind for me is: Why do you not feel safe telling your family? Surely there is a reason why you have not told them after all of this time.

It's not necessarily a bad thing. I commend your strength for reaching out and wanting to find out a way to tell them. I'm glad you don't want to walk alone in this anymore. The only reason I mention the first thing is because, whatever that reason is, you have to find a way to circumvent it.

So if you're feeling as though you can't tell them because they would invalidate you, I would go the way that someone else here suggested and just bring it up to one family member (probably your sister). It's never easy for parents or family to hear that a person they love is going through a mental battle, so families will react in a different way to this.

Regardless, if you ever need to talk or need some confidence before telling them, feel free to PM me anytime, okay? <3

Stay strong, little flower.