Highly Functioning Depression
I know it seems like an oxymoron but I am insanely active but still struggling with crippling depression. Everyday I get up, exercise, complete all my tasks at work (active duty military), go to grad school, work out again, read, cook, clean... basically all the things most people with depression wish they could get done in a month I knock out in a day.
However, every morning I have to pep talk myself out of bed. Half the reason I'm showing up to work is because I dont want attention drawn to myself. I'm tempermental, my thoughts race, I put an insane amount of effort to focus, I'm constantly fatigued, and I feel terrible about myself. Even though I accomplish such and such things, I feel like I accomplished nothing. I'm filled with self loathing I can't look at myself in the mirror. I see no future for myself and constantly wish I would wake up. I can't build relationships with people because I pick the wrong people or I push people away. People often walk all over me and use me.
When people recommend ways to fight depression, I do a lot of those things. But I still feel so empty inside. How do others with highly functioning depression deal with things?
@UglyDarling Wow I thought I wrote this. Please be my friend because I have never in my life met another person who is like me, except now you. I can relate to your post 100%. I go to the gym every single day, eat extremely healthy, cook, clean, and I'm able to finish (most of) my to-do list almost every day. But still I walk through the day avoiding people, conversations, feeling hopeless, useless and like I do not belong anywhere. I don't have any friends and a very small family that I am not close with.
What I do to help with the depression is meditate a lot, write in my diary, and recently I signed up for this website and it has been helping. I also diffuse essential oils, like lavendar and frankencense that helps. Finally, I listen to motivational videos on YouTube and that REALLY helps. Some times I have to listen for a long time, but it does help. I also take an all natural medication, but I'm not sure if I'm allowed to talk about supplements or pills on here? I'm not a doctor of course.
@NeWoman yr been giving sum great advice, well done
@NeWoman I have no clue how to do private chats on here (I'm new to the site), but I've added you and would definitely enjoy talking with you. I think our type of depression often goes unnoticed because people think we have it 'put together' so it's hard to find a support community. Especially when I talk with other people with depression I feel like mine is just a "figment" because I can do so much in a day (but at the same time I worry if I stop I probably won't start again) hah.
@UglyDarling, sorry to disturb your conversation with @NeWoman ^^; Just wanted to quickly clarify that there is no option to have private chats between members on 7 Cups. But you are most welcome to connect in forums (like in this thread), on the feed and in various support rooms.
Also, I just wanted to add that I'm also familiar with highly functioning depression, and in my opinion that is one of the hardest to recover from, because if you think that you're managing (barely, but still) to go through the day accomplishing most of your responsibilities, you don't seek help for that disorder. From outside you also seem "fine", so no one really points out and encourage you to seek it either. You just get stuck for months, even years, of these daily hell of struggling. I often fooled myself that if I'm not falling apart in the given moment, I'm completely fine and can deal with it only with my wilpower only ^^; But existing, isn't the same as living your life. And I find that only after combining daily self-care with a chosen treatement I've started to feel better and alive again.
I encourage you too seek out the help from a professional. There is no "bad enough" stage for depression to aks for the support. Depression is a medical disorder and you deserve to address it, just like you address the short-sightedness with getting a pair of glasses and not insisting on stumbling around - in the last case you can certainly get by, but you will be quite bruised and in a lot of unnecessarily pain. There is a wide range of treatements out there and you can pick the one you feel comfortable with. Just talk with someone who knows their field who can describe to you all of your choices.
I know that you're doing your best every day - you clearly do. You fulfill your responsibilities in an adequate way, but you don't have to struggle. Depression is a disorder, not a life-sentence, you can be free of it.
*hugs*
Sending you all of my strength and hope!
@Celaeno Thank you for posting this help and advice.
@singercrystalspirit, glad that I could be of help to you, lovely!
Hope you're having a restful weekend. Best wishes!
@UglyDarling
Hi,
I will try my best to help you out. I can share the experience of one of my relatives who had gone through the same circumstances. He was in a terrible condition. I would say, it was worst than yours. He had faced such a depression, that it tore his life apart. He usually becomes tensed regarding his job and his family matters. When I meet him, he never faces me and I could see his disappointments and sadness in his face. His parents told me that, he was sleepless, disturbed, and fatigue. He lossed his weight and energy at a stretch. But I still remember, the things he did to get rid of that weird situations. He did many breathing exercises, relaxation exercises and several techniques. But, he was not able to recover from it completely. Finally, he had to undergo a treatment for depression. It is always advised to get the treatment in the beginning stages itself. It is so efficient that it will improve your mood, emotions, positive attitude and will build you as a better person. I am sharing that article http://www.drmtherapy.com/individual-therapy/depression/ so that you can have a detailed picture of the things I mentioned. Getting off the stress and anxiety from our life decreases the depression and will smoothly take us to our desired destinations. So, in order to avoid the stress and to have good sleep, the physical exercises plays an important role too. The physical activities produce endorphins which are the chemicals in the brain which act as painkillers. Aerobic exercises are scientifically proven to reduce the tension and stress. Practise jogging, walking find some exercises which provides you fun and enjoyment. You can also listen to musics which you enjoy the most. I hope that, this reply will bring a great change to your life. I honestly pray and wish that you come out the depression and the situations you are facing and enjoy life to the most.
Thank you
Hi there,
You sound like you are frustrated because your clinical (outward) presentation doesn't match how you are doing clinically on the inside. "High Fuctioning Depression", or the "Smiling Depressive" may describe the struggle. From your post, you seem to also express a lack of pleasure or enthusiasm with what you do, and this is known as "apathy". Prescribed psychotropics, or herbal remedies, (one that which increase the levels of a neurotransmitter called 'Dopamine") which is associated with feeling pleasure, reward and excitement- may be of significant benefit to you.
Take care,
A.J
@UglyDarling thank you for sharing your story..
I feel like i can to every word you said... Its like, I hate getting up, i hate doing everything that i need to do to appear okay, but i do it cause life, but inside I'm so numb, and I'm also so tired of faking my emotions just to appear normal... When my family found out i had depression and anxiety they refused to believe it and kept saying but you arent even sad all the time, you seem happy and okay... you cant be ill.. etc etc...
The only way I managed to live though the hardest part of my depression that I've faced till now, is by constant mental distraction... I either got every caught up with shows and binged watched them until my eyes were red, just so I wasn't left alone with my thoughts, I also used to play music loudly and paint out my frustration and anger towards myself, so as to not think, think about all the numbness within me and whether I will ever experience any emotion of my own.....
@Siya1995
I always wonder if the distractions are always helpful. They always seems like a temporary solution because I often continue to feel terrible when I cant distract myself anymore. Do you have the same issue?
@UglyDarling
I do have the same issue... If the distraction stops I just go back to my lonely mind and the thoughts kill me from within... But I've learnt that as long as I don't keep thinking about loneliness or how sad I am and I just let the feeling pass though me, I end up feeling a bit better... Many times if the feelings just pass through I end up brawling my eyes out... But in the endbeven though I am numb, I am still fine for the moment .... I dunno if what I said makes any sense but yea...
@Siya1995
I 100% understand because that often happens to me. For me, it's aggravating and it all feels so temporary that i struggle with managing the depression beyond a few hours...distractions only work for a bit...then i get in the shower or lay down to go to bed and all the whole thing hits like a ton of bricks
@UglyDarling
I feel you! <3 :(
@UglyDarling Thank you for posting this. I've had similar questions in the past. I've felt this depressed while functioning highly, too.
I am sorry that you feel like this.
