Feeling Stuck?

Hi everyone.

I'm not trying to self-diagnose myself or anything. I just wanna know if it's worth pestering my mom to take me to a professional. I think that there's something wrong with me, I'm not entirely sure though.I know I'm not like the rest of my friends and family and other people.

So here are some possible depression symptoms I noticed: I've been feeling down lately (and by lately I mean around 3 years), accompanied with hypomanic moods. My poor appetite is getting worse as time goes by, I constantly forgot to eat because of it. My appetite is so poor that I literally force myself to eat every single day. EVERYONE noticed my weight loss; I lost 3 Kg within a month. My sleep routine is okay but the quality is crap, I wake up everyday feeling like I haven't slept at all and my muscles are all cramping (well at least it's improving since I try my best to relax). The things I used to enjoy are fading away, I used to love playing outside (but now I feel anxious whenever I go outside), I used to love reading (haha I can't even concentrate on reading a paragraph now), I used to love coloring things (Idk why but I feel anxious whenever I draw and colour), I used to love hearing music (I still do but it's fading away and I'm scared that it will), and lots of other things.

I did see a therapist, online. Without my parents consent haha. It was a free trial so I can't see him anymore (therapists sure are pricey). He said that I maybe suffering from anxiety, but well, I lied to him about having suicidal thoughts, I was super nervous that time because he was a complete stranger online and overseas, and I didn't tell him about my symptoms.

I feel like my emotions are stuck. If emotions are like running engines, then mine must be rusty and falling apart; barely intact. Like it decided to fall into a deep slumber or something. Oh, I haven't mentioned my 24/7 tired body and my lack of concentration. My suicidal thoughts are seeping back again too. Like everybody said about depression, it's like there's something pulling me back, drowning me. Of course, I feel okay sometimes, as if nothing ever happened, but even on those moments, I feel like there's something inside of me, something lurking, clinging, waiting to strike me again.

Sometimes I think to myself "What if I'm not actually happy at that time? That I was just in denial? After all, I still don't feel the enjoyment like I used to when I do the things I like"

All comments are very appreciated.

I would love to hear what you think about whether I have depression and go seek help or is it something else. Feel free to ask me anything too.

Thank you for reading.