Feeling Abandoned and Alone
Hi!
So just as background I am a mid-20's female and the oldest of 4 kids . I live alone with my dog about 1.5-2 hours from my family. I live just far enough away that nether my family or I want to drive back an for a lot, so I only see them on the weekends and I miss them. My mom has a habit of making plans with me and then having to cancel because something (not under her control, i.e. work or a flat tire) gets in her way. This mooring we were supposed to see each other and hang out (time that I really treasure) and she got a flat tire and could not see me. This is the third time in a row (and like 10th time overall) something like this has happened and we have had to reschedule. I broke down crying this morning because I felt so lonely and abandoned. I know it wasn't her fault but it still makes me VERY upset (and I have told her this and she knows and apologized a lot) but it still hurts me and makes me feel like the world is stealing my mom from me. Also when this happens I end up spending the whole day alone which only worsens my level of depression. Does anyone have any advice on this situation and how to not be so lonely and feel so abandoned? I feel like I am alone and no one understands me as it is, and now the world is trying to take my mom-time away from me too, which only makes me feel more alone and lost in the world. Please help.
@straightforwardPlace2498. I'm sorry this happened to you. I can relate in a way. I've tried to reach out to my mom on the phone and she has actually fallen asleep. It hurts. It does make me feel alone.
What is your mom's perspective on your depression?
@EnergySensitive wow I feel for you! Thats rough! And she isnt the most accepting of mental illness, she doesnt talk negatively of it she just pretends it doesnt exist so thats hard. I think she doesnt want to accept her kids broken and that it might be at least partly her fault.
@straightforwardPlace2498. My mom too. I'm fine. Get over it etc... Another way to look at it something could be going on with your mom..(???). I back out of plans all the time because of my depression and anxiety.
@EnergySensitive yeah I have thought of he idea that she has an untreated mental disorder that she doesnt want to talk to me about or doesnt fully accept that she has that effects our relationship, but idk how to talk to her about that
@straightforwardPlace2498. I'm not sure how to help about that especially since I don't know your mom. It can be touchy. You could just ask if everything is ok since she keeps missing the plans you had planned. People say to say it straight up but that's not always the best case. Or reflect it off of her to yourself and ask her if you had done anything to upset her.
Please DONT take my advice as a professional when I am in fact losing my mind!
I feel lonely and abandoned. Im trying to make everyone happy but they seem to give me pressure. I dont know if its just me overreacting. But i feel pain in my chest and it doesnt seem to go away. I feel like crying and feel so isolated. I feel unmotivated. I dont know if i have a problem. I dont know anymore about anything. I feel lost and i feel like just living my life with the flow. But i feel pain in my heart.
what is wrong with me?
@placidCircle3414 I feel the exact same way! Like on the outside I present as a /whole person w/ energy and life inside but really on the inside I am empty and feel like gian void of loneliness that can never be filled and i have no idea how to fill it. Though for me running and winning road races has helped fill that void, but I only feel fulfilled the day of the race and then its gone again and I can't get my life-ness back.
@straightforwardPlace2498 what was your life-ness before? How did it went away? Last night i talked about what happened to me to my boyfriend, it was hard opening up so much but it really helps to ease the pain. Though i had to cry, but talking to someone really helps me. Maybe you want to talk about it too? I can help you
@placidCircle3414 I noticed all thhe life drain out of me when I graduated from college because I didn't have a set path any more and all of the sudden I had no path, no goals, no job adn the whole world I had known for 4 years was ripped away from me along with all my friends and the community I had become a part of and grown to love. I felt like the day after I graduated undergrad I was stripped of every single thing I had considered "me" and its been 3 years and I still have not full rebounded. I do see a concealer now but what I really need is friends who understand what I am going through and can see on a regular basis. I feel like an alien in my own world.
@straightforwardPlace2498 oh, i felt that too. Since i was studying overseas, graduating was hard. I had to leave the city i loved and my friends. But you know, what about a job? Have you considered to find one? I surprisingly made good friends with people at my previous work and i was really happy about that! I know that having no goals or path can be frustrating. What about the small things? The small goals in life? Like maybe set a goal to finish your current favourite game? Or a goal to be able to cook your favorite food. Its doesnt have to be a big goal. Sometimes the small things can make us happy, doesnt it? So what does make you happy that makes you feel excited when you wake up in the morning? To me, it might be the meal im gonna have that day, or trying a new character on my favorite game not everyone has a clear path. Finding a path is hard, but i believe it has to go with the flow to finally know whay you really want to be in life! Dont rush things. Just enjoy the small things. When it finally came, you'll realise what you really want to do or to be!
@placidCircle3414 thanks for the advice and I do do all of those things, work full time, earning my masters degree, run road races, cool all my own meals, see my family, but the problem is its never enough and it never lasts.
@straightforwardPlace2498 is it because you feel lonely that everything feels never enough? Is it because you feel that once it ends there's nothing that excites you anymore? How about friends that make you cherish moments? I felt like you too at times.. but in my case, its because of my boredom. I feel bored and nothing excites me and it makes me so frustrated. Like there's an empty hole in my life that makes everyday; "so-so". However, i learned to cherish moment and enjoy things.. sometimes overthinking on what to do in life stresses me out. When i feel like there's nothing to do and my frustration come, i do things like searching for new games, or a tv series or any entertainment! just to fill my empty mind and my empty feeling
@placidCircle3414 Yeah that empty feeling definitely haunts me, I feel like I don't things in the moment and hen regret it later and feel ashamed that I didn't appreciate people or the moment enough. So it guilt and emptiness and being alone in those moments where I need people the most.
@straightforwardPlace2498 are losing motivation or feeling isolated when you need people? Doing something is easier than regretting. If you know you'll regret it, you should probably do it😊 i am sure there ate a lot of people that would like to be with you when you need them the most.
@placidCircle3414 my probables is I push myself out of my box and reach out to people and just end up alone again. I am the person who always had the ask people do do things and no one ever asks me to do things.
@straightforwardPlace2498 reach out to people as in trying to be friends or asking them to hang out with you? Do they know that they can always ask you to do anything and you will always be there when they need you?
@placidCircle3414 yeah I make that clear and still I'm left in the dust and forgotten about, so thats a big reason why I'm such a loner
@straightforwardPlace2498 then find new circle of friends its never useless to make more friends. And dont put too much stress on it. Just live the life and enjoy it. Eventually, a true friend will come to you. But remember, nothing lasts forever. Everything good and bad is temporary. No one will ever be able to be there for you 24/7. But you know, you can always try to contact anyone whenever you need them. Maybe, try to be active on social media and interact with people, and make online friends?
@placidCircle3414 thanks for the advice and yeah I should try to make friends harder I just feel like I put in effort but get nothing back
@straightforwardPlace2498 as long as you get to talk to someone regularly, i think it will help you good luck! Dont push yourself too hard and just do what makes you happy and comfortable.
Please can someone help me with advice.. I'm absolutely desperate at the moment.. To cut a long story short, my landlord is selling our home and me and my children have to move out asap.. We can't find anywhere and the clock is ticking I lost their father to suicide my kids only have me all this pressure is on my shoulders.. This housing situation has broken me.. And I've suffered a nervous breakdown though it all.. I can't cope 😔
I am so sorry about your situation. It seems like you are struggling at this stage of your life. I know how you feel, I am living overseas and sometimes I feel alone since it has been difficult to create new friends and my family is far away. I agree with the others about talking with your mom about the reasons she has been cancelling your appointments. It is possible that something is going on with her or perhaps she is not aware about how this can affect you. Try to make her aware of your symptoms. I was thinking that a good option to keep in touch with them when it is not possible to see each other is through the internet. I keep in touch with my family through WhatsApp, it is an app where you can create groups and add all your family members with their phone numbers, you can also send voice messages or even have video calls :). Also, I am worried about your feelings of loneliness because your environment (I mean living far away) is not the best case scenario for those feelings. Loneliness can have serious effects on your mental and physical health. Your family is a great support for the weekends, but since you live so far away I wonder how is your social life and if you have some friends around that can help you with your situation. In your post you did not talk much about this, that's why I wonder. Sometimes you can, theoretically, have a million friends, but if you don't invest time and energy into them, it's likely you'll continue feeling lonely. When it comes to relationships, it's all about the feelings, not the numbers. Of course, developing relationships is a two-way street: Becoming closer to a person doesn't mean you're dumping all your feelings on them, but that you're developing a connection and forming a bond that is mutually beneficial. I think this is important to note because when people are sad, it's easy to want to vent that feeling onto others, just to get it off our chests. And sometimes, that's great! But if you want to feel less lonely and connect more with others, remember close friends can't solve your problems; they can only offer support. Also, it's your job to support them when they need it, too. About those moments when you are feeling sad and you cant find anyone to talk, you mentioned that you spend the whole day alone which makes you feel worse. I wonder how we can change this, to become this stressful situation in a better one. According to ACT (acceptance and commitment therapy), it is good to feel your emotions. I know it sounds pretty easy, but normally when we are having strong emotions we tend to avoid them, and then the result is that it relieves or prevents the emotions for a brief period of time, but then the emotion keeps coming back again and again. In reality, while muted feelings can get stuck and last for years, if the emotion is allowed to fully develop, tend to last 30-90 minutes. For example, after a strong bout of crying, emotional intensity often reduces quickly on its own. So my point is when you are feeling sad, just let it fully developed. Learning to recognize and stay with our feelings is a valuable experience. We can learn that just because we feel something, we dont have to act on it. Or that we can be angry and choose how to respond rather than let the anger control us. The more we know how we feel and ways to feel, release, be with, or let go of our feelings, the better we feel about ourselves. READ THIS LINK: http://kalimunro.com/wp/articles-info/emotions-and-feelings/what-to-do-with-your-feelings
I have used this technique. it is pretty good. ALL THE BEST FOR YOU. I hope this is helpful
@straightforwardPlace2498
