learned hopelessness

This is mainly just a vent post because I have no one else to talk to. I haven't logged on here in awhile, and nothing much has improved since then when looking back at my old posts.

I used to feel soul crushing heartache because of how lonely I was, and still am. After years I finally recently got "used'" to it, and in my final efforts to talk to anyone or attempt to make friends, it made me realize how it only made me feel even worse because it was so trivial to even attempt anymore.  I don't like being alone, I loath it, I imagine talking to someone all the time, but people truly couldn't care less if I disappeared one day just makes me feel worse. I've become so cynical and hopeless I feel like I was meant to be alone forever like it's some type of curse. I just feel so alien from everybody else.