friends
Do you ever feel like you just need a friend? someone to talk to about your day or about some random thing that popped into your head randomly that you can both laugh about or anything at all really and look and realize you dont have any friends or anyone to talk to? thats the hole i am in rightnow, I just want a friend. I am in my 30s and trying to recover from a divorce and they say the best thing to help during these times is to be around loved ones or people that are close to you and care about you, but what do you do when you dont have any of that? I call my mom once a week but its not the same as having that friend you go out with on weekends or during the week just to have fun and unwind after along day or week. what do you do when you realize how alone you really are and see who is actually there when you have truly hit rock bottom? what do you do when you hit rock bottom and look around and not even the crickets are there to break the silence?
@justaplumber32 Friendships are a long term project. You are where you are, at this moment, as it is. Breath. It hurts not having the support you want or what someone (the “they” you spoke of) says you need at this time. Fighting what you don’t have might not be worth your energy. Your recovery from the breakup is happening for you already, on its own. It doesn’t need a particular set of conditions in order to make you whole again. Continue moving toward where you want to be. There IS a light at the end of this seemingly long dark tunnel. The way to get to the light is keep moving forward.
@hopefulPond6108
When do you start to see the light when all you see is the dark empty tunnel? being alone with my thoughts makes it hard to see the good that could come from this. I try everyday to move forward and to tell myself that everything will be ok. I do truly try and I follow all the rules but this emptiness i feel never seems to go away. If being alone and not having that connection of any sort to help us move forward and heal this place would not exist. we all need that connection no matter how big or small, even if its just 1 person. and honestly all I want is that one person that is not my own mind. I dont want to come off as selfish or anything I just dont think I am strong enough to face this alone..
@justaplumber32
”When do you start to see the light when all you see is the dark empty tunnel?” I can’t give you a timeline, but it will come. It’s as sure as the laws of physics.
“… makes it hard to see the good that could come from this. I try everyday to move forward and to tell myself that everything will be ok.” This isn’t a cause/effect math problem, so naturally you can’t see the good that can come from this. It isn’t your situation or your pain from which some good thing will follow. This is simply your reality at this moment. It’s happened to me. It’s happened to hundreds of millions of others throughout history. You don’t need to “tell yourself” everything will be ok. It’s going to suck - for awhile - but the pain will diminish and you’ll be left with less clouds and just a little more sunshine and you’ll ask yourself, “ok, now what?” And you’ll answer yourself and you’ll know your going to be ok.
”I do truly try and I follow all the rules but this emptiness i feel never seems to go away” Rules? There are no rules. Again, not a cause and effect formula. You are right, you need human companionship. Some forms of human companionship are not there when we feel we need them. Sometimes we have to deal with the resources we have at the moment. I get it, talking to your mom isn’t giving you what you need, but it is also not nothing. Also look at what you lost, an intimate relationship! So eventually finding that is really in your DNA and mom can’t supply that and a close guy drinking buddy wouldn’t quite satisfy that either. What it sounds like you are wanting is someone to help you through this. That makes perfect sense. If you can afford it a therapist can definitely fill part of that role of an understanding and compassionate human. I’m not saying you have to or should do this alone. What I am saying is that you’ll deal with this successfully. You just can’t see it. It feels to you like this problem just goes on forever. Our minds tell us that when we are depressed and our minds are very convincing in that regard. Learning that this is just a trick of the mind helps.
I’m wondering if you’re getting enough rest. Sleep man. Tomorrow’s another day and at least we can find some relief in “giving up the troubles of the day” and just sleep. Tomorrow the problem will look a little bit different. I’m guessing you have been through this cycle already. Think back over the last month, was every day terrible or were there days when you felt just a little bit more hopeful even if it was just for a half hour. That my friend is evidence that these feelings are not stuck in concrete.
@hopefulPond6108
I get what you are saying and normally it does help to know but even tho I understand and try to think of it that way It feel like I cant convince myself to fully believe in it, and that's a point I want to get to but spending everyday alone with just your mind to keep you company makes it hard because like you said the mind has a way of convincing us that there is no end to whats making us depressed. Some day's are better then others but when the bad days do come sometimes they last for days at a time and not being able to get anything off my chest or vent to any one or just someone to distract me from myself is hard. I am seeing a therapist and a psychiatrist but Idk it just doesn't feel the same, I am paying someone to care and its not like i don't appreciate everything they do and I know that they truly do care its just the way it feels to me sometimes when I try to get out of these ruts i am in. I know things are going to play out the way its is supposed to but I want to believe that there is some relief along the way just to let me know I am on the right track and not just a dark empty tunnel I have to fight through. I'm sorry it feels like I am complaining and I don't mean to I am just trying to come to terms with the fact that I might end up going through this with just me.
@justaplumber32
Hi there justaplumber32!
Sorry to hear you feel alone and that nobody is there for you. Sometimes having a good bond and emotional connection with someone can make the difference in our life. Not everyone can cover that role, but one day you could build this kind of relationship with someone worth the definition of ''good friend/best friend''.I read your questions and if you don't mind me, I would like to answer with couple questions:
Is it possible for you to build a good me-time routine while you recover from divorce and while you try to find the right social context for you?
Could any hobby of yours help it?
Hope that here you can forget for a moment the loneliness that is overwhelming you 💙
Feel free to text here again, of course just when you feel to!
Take care
@MeaningfulSilence
Thats all I would like is just a friend, someone to talk to when my mind starts working against me. But at this point in my life I am not even sure how to make friends, I am 32 and all I do is work and go home to fester on my thoughts, which is not really a good thing to do because it only pushes me further down. I have tried to take personal time to myself but its hard to motivate myself to go through with it, I was diagnosed with sever depression, anxiety and bi-polar disorder and when the waves hit I can barley find it in myself to get up to go to work or even get a cup of coffee.
I do have a lot of hobbies that I could do but like I said being alone all the time doesnt help my motivation. Idk I just look around and all I see is everyone out with friends or family and having fun, going out and its just leaves me to think, why cant I have that?
I do like to come on to here because it does help to be able to talk to other people, granted most of the time I dont get a reply but when I do it helps to keep my mind busy even if just for a moment.
@justaplumber32
Hi there, you are doing your best to accomplish daily tasks given there are moments when your condition hits hard, can I applaud you for that? 👍 💙
When I mentioned your hobbies, I was hoping that any of them could be done in a social context, reaching out any group of people, because that way you could meet others and hopefully find a good team to be with. Glad to hear that at least on here you feel that you are not alone, let's see if in the near future things can change!
Well... I just want to say that I understand what you're saying. I know what it's like to try to pick yourself up with only negative thoughts in mind. I can't say that I've overcome that time (on the contrary, I'm far from it), but I can say that talking to other people has really helped me a lot. I felt like part of a group. So if by any chance you want to talk, need to vent, and feel comfortable speaking to someone, you can reach out to me! It would be a pleasure to help in the same way I was helped.
Sending lots of strength and peace. We do all get lonely sometimes. I also think that social media has made it even harder to make new friends.
What kinds of things are you getting out and doing? Do you have any hobbies? Sometimes those can lead in new directions.@justaplumber32
@bestVase7265
Thank you. Going from a 10 year relationship 5 of that being married to nothing has takin its toll on me, and it does get lonely and your right social media has made it harder to make friends but thats the times we live in now.
I do have hobbies (quite a few) and they are all things that I have really enjoyed doing but i cant bring myself to do them, I know what I need to do but that motivation is what I cant muster. I buried my depression for so long that now when it hits its almost crippling.
It can be really crippling. You unbury yourself a step at a time and we are here to help you do that.
Tell me more about hobbies that you have done in the past. @justaplumber32
@justaplumber32
could have written this myself. yes, i'd like a friend. :/
wanna b friends?
