Loneliness
Hi guys, I'm just having a difficult time lately. My boyfriend is in a band and just went off on tour today, so I won't see him for a while. I'm feeling really lonely. I'm home on summer break and have only two or three close friends around here, and they're always busy. I have my license but still don't have a car so I can't really get anywhere, and I live in a suffocatingly small town. Even at college, I only have one or two actual friends. I never usually have anyone to hang out with, and if I do, I have to rely on someone else to drive me around. I hate it. I've never been popular or able to hold down long-lasting friendships. I'm just tired of feeling like an outcast or a loser. It's been this way for 20 years and I don't know what I'm doing wrong. Maybe it's my BPD. Maybe I really am just unstable and crazy. Who knows. I'm just tired of watching everyone else go off and have fun with a ton of friends while I'm lucky if anyone besides my boyfriend sends me a text.
When I was 20, I was in college and working, then getting wasted and partying on the weekends. I moved out when I was 22, by then I had dropped out of college b/c I failed a class 3 times and I was too busy getting drunk and seeing guys that I really didn't care. Then I stopped w/the every weekend partying b/c I didn't have a ride everywhere anymore since I was on my own and I didn't want to lose my job! Sure enough, my "friends" went their own way b/c I wasn't going out every weekend anymore. When I was 25, I met my husband and he is my best friend. My point here is .. I know you are still young and want to go out and have friends, but in the long run, they probably won't be there, especially if they only come around now when they need something or just company. Your boyfriend is your best friend. And school is your priority. You are a very pretty girl .. don't be discouraged just b/c of some supposed friends. It wasn't meant to be then. And you can save money for a car. Used cars are just fine. But I don't suggest a Honda, Toyota, or Mitsubishit. Well anyway, I understand what you are saying.
@StephKay, I feel for you girl..But I do agree with what @TransAm85 said . It's pretty understandable that you feel lonely with your boyfriend away and you not having any friends around you when you need them.. But do not be discouraged because you believed things should have gone in a better way. Maybe they are going in the right track?:) You never know. If you need support,feel free to drop me a pm. You are awesome:)
