I don’t feel well anymore
Im tired lately
living feels pretty endless and not in a good way
im about to be 17
ive been depressed since i was like 4
i switched schools around 2 months ago- thats like the 5th time
the school i switched to is one better for mental health- but legally im still enrolled at my old school— some people at this school do extracurricular stuff at their “home school” as they call it
i used to do acting and band. i was thinking of going back. i miss acting and i miss band.
i had a few friends- i guess they were friends. i never felt close to any of them, just people i talked to and apparently liked me
ive never really felt close to anyone
ive been in a few friendships but somethings always felt off
i miss acting and i miss band but i think i just really miss the idea of having friends somewhere
but i dont think i really did
everything thrre is different anyways
i dont have many friends at my new school- just people i talk to
i was dating a girl for a month and a half- she broke up with me for being an asexual when she wasnt. she knew i was before she asked me out. i dont think i like her anymore- not “i dont think i like like her anymore” but “i dont think shes a good person”
that was mean
she was mean to me
i miss feeling like someone loved me
im trying to get a job at a bookstore- maybe i’ll meet people there
theres people who like me but i dont really know any of them. i dont think they know me. i dont know if i know me.
i have a few other friends- i can only talk to them online though
they have other friends.
i dont think ive ever been anyones best friend. ive *had* best friends. ive *had* a favorite person- someone who gets me excited to talk to and happy to see and looking forward to spend time with. i dont think ive been anyones favorite person.
i dont like that feeling. the feeling of never falling out of love with anyone before they decide to.
i fee like my whole life ive been waiting for things to get better- to belong somewhere to be wanted to fit in.
i dont like it here. i dont like not knowing when it will get better.
i guess im just sorry.
sincerely, a friend- i hope
@eridoreius
Thank you for sharing & I am sorry to hear about everything. Sounds like you are trying to do everything that you can to better yourself. My best advice would be to get back into band & acting as that made you happy along with trying to meet new people along with being open.
@Josh3889
Thank you so so much for taking the time to read and reply to what I wrote, it means more than you’ll ever know. I think im going to try taking your advice and try to meet new people and let myself open up more. Again, thank you so much.
@eridoreius
Happy that this helped, if you need anything else just send me a message!
Im sorry things have been difficult for you, depression is too often overlooked since so many people suffer with it. It's an awful thing though and varies in intensity depending on the person and the situation, along with other factors. Reaching out is so important though, so that's great you are part of this website. I agree with the other person too, you should definately continue doing things that make you happy.
I began going to therapy when I was about 16, it was good to talk to someone because I have also felt like I had trouble making connections with others. Of course, therapy is not for everyone just something iv'e found helpful. One thing I can assure you is to definitely continue doing what makes you happy. Lots of people feel out of place and are looking for people to connect with. Having something to share as a common interest, such as band, is a great way to build connections with people.
Wish you all the best
Beautifully written, @eridoreius
I really resonated with this line: "theres people who like me but i dont really know any of them. i dont think they know me. i dont know if i know me."
It's a rare person who knows themselves fully at any age. You deserve friends even as you figure this out. I hope you do continue to reach out to people.
I can see you are making an effort despite the hands you're being dealt.
The best is yet to come.
@2aphod8eeblebrox
genuinely thank you so much for taking the time to respond - as much as i hate that other people feel this way, its really nice to know that im not alone. i already started taking that “reach out to people” advice and i think things are going to get less terrible- or at least i hope so. again- thank you so so much, it means so much to me that you did.
@eridoreius dont do anything rash
isend good vibes
u be ok
:)
@squichbean
i know this was really simple and good advice- but it genuinely made me feel so much better and so much less alone. thank you so much- even if it was only a few words- thank you.
:)
@eridoreius hey its cool
https://tenor.com/view/poyo-kirbo-funny-smirk-gif-18914410
keep on living
:)