Feeling Like a Failure at 20: Struggling with Loneliness, Self-Doubt, and Finding My Path Forward

You absolutely can still achieve your dreams. No one (especially cruel older school friends or online gaming people who haven't really met you in person) can make that decision for you. You get to make the choice and you can change everything. 

In the middle of your message I really felt your passion for what you want to try to do in life. Does that exam help get you there? Most exams you can keep trying until you succeed. I would keep trying and study a bit. Believe in yourself that you do have the talent. If the exam doesn't work, then try to find another way. Maybe there are some more online courses that you could take to get yourself certified in something.

Let the rest of the stuff happen slowly but surely. Life is really a bunch of very tiny steps. And 20 is way too young to give up on taking those steps at all.

But all of this takes some strength from places that you probably currently aren't drawing on. First, are you doing the basics like eating healthy and drinking enough fluids. These give you physical energy to make it through the mentally tough spots. Second, keep coming here. If you add to this thread then I will answer it once per day. Having a place to both vent and plan can make things easier. YOu need someone cheering you on. Third, (and this is the hard one) you need to spend a little less time in the virtual world and more time in the real world. I am not talking about speaking to other people. I am suggesting that you need to get out of the house and just walk. Daily. When you set this up as a practice then your brain begins to loosen and think of new ideas to solve things.

Sending peace and strength. @Caesar2024

@bestVase7265

Hi bestVase7265,

I just created this account today, so I'm still unfamiliar with the website. I've only recently arrived. Why am I unable to send you a message?

Thank you!

You just did send me a message. There are lots of ways to communicate on the app. This version is what I call "the slow version". There are also chat rooms and listeners who will go back and forward with you in real time.

For this one, I will respond at least once per day as long as you add to the thread. I tend to go on the site every evening. Every so often I have to miss a day, but it is pretty rare.

I think this is a good spot to vent and just tell me about your day. How are things for you right now? @Caesar2024

Yes, I understand about the Asian culture part of things. I have worked with multiple people on this app from Asia and your experience is very common. In my opinion, it is the culture that is failing you rather than vice versa. 

You've got the better attitude - just keep trying different things until you find success somewhere. Your school culture was toxic for a variety of reasons and was a place that you just couldn't learn. The only way that you learn is if you are offered opportunities to have confidence in yourself. 

It sounds that you really do have that confidence in your own path, but taking it is tougher in your culture. That kind of means it is quite natural to have moments of great doubt like you just had. I know those moments of crisis are tough, but you really sound to me like you are headed in an excellent direction.

As far as the school stuff goes, you can actually find great resources online as well for almost any subject. Turn the computer into your friend on this front as well. Which subjects are you most concerned about? There are lots of ways to review. I work in education and could try to lead you towards some resources if you want.

Yes, not being able to change things is one of the more annoying things about 7 Cups. The easiest thing to do is to watch where I upvote your post. You can open up two "upvotes" in separate windows and then toggle between the two until the message looks like you want it to.

There is a slight chance that I might miss tomorrow night because our semester begins tomorrow. But I will definitely be back on Saturday, but I would still go with a 50% or so likelihood that I can get on tomorrow night.

Embracing your passions and utilizing your skills in video editing, design and web development can lead to a fulfilling and dynamic career. When these guys https://www.thefrontendcompany.com/case-studies were also taking their first steps and now they are professionals and earning well. Keep exploring, learning and showcasing your talents - your journey is sure to open up exciting opportunities for you!

@armmeoisa

Thank you so much for your kind words and encouragement! 🌟 It means a lot to hear that others see potential in the path I’m on. I’ve always felt a connection with technology, even when other areas of life were challenging. 

In Asia, if you don't pass the traditional education system, you're considered a lower-class person, even if you're extremely good at something else. I mean, I don't really care about other people's opinions, but you know, it is what it is.

Lately, I’ve been focusing fully on my education again, especially in science. It’s not easy, and I struggle with remembering what I’ve learned, but I’m trying different methods like creating diagrams with code, watching educational videos, and using Anki to improve my recall. It’s a slow process, and honestly, some of these science terms still feel like Harry Potter spells to me! 😂 But I think I’m making progress.

The example you shared of those who have succeeded despite humble beginnings is inspiring. It reminds me that success is a journey and not something that happens overnight. I’ll keep exploring, learning, and showcasing what I can do, just like you said.

Thank you again for the encouragement—I’ll keep your words in mind as I move forward. 

Hoping things are going well. 

@bestVase7265

Hey there! It's been a while! 😊

I’m not even sure where to begin. I just haven’t felt like logging in or visiting 7Cups, but after so many days, I wanted to give you an update. 🙌

So, remember that project I told you I was developing for my portfolio? Well, I finished it! But after completing it, I realized I learned *so* much—like really, *a lot*—and now I see that the code, while functional, isn’t as great as I initially thought. This has made me realize how much I've improved! I can now write better code that’s more efficient and follows principles like “Don’t Repeat Yourself.” So, I’ve decided not to use that project for my portfolio. Instead, I’ll work on something new with my improved skills. 😄

Right now, I’m focusing fully on my school education. I started with science, and as you can probably guess, I’m not doing great at it. I struggle to remember what I’ve learned even after just a few minutes.

To help with this, I’ve been creating diagrams using code—because, you know, I’m a developer—and then printing them out. I watch educational videos on YouTube and use software like Anki to help with recall. Another thing is that since I started learning again, I've been getting some headaches. I think it's because I'm reading and studying after so many years.

At first, it didn’t feel like anything was sticking, but after a few days, I think my brain is starting to remember a little more. You know me, I’ve never been much of a study person, so science words feel like Harry Potter spells to me! 😂 But after some effort, I think I’m improving.

I’ve also been feeling the urge to exercise. You suggested morning walks, but that’s a bit tricky here. In my country, if I go for a walk in the morning, people look at me like I’m an alien. Exercise isn’t common here, so they just stare and laugh. I’ve decided it’s better to exercise at home.

Thanks for listening, and I hope you’re doing well! Let’s catch up soon. 😊

You sound so much better than in your first message! I love to see the steps that you are taking forward.

Don't worry about how often you post or not. Do it when you want to report or if you just need a little encouragement after a bad day.

You are right about getting better at the coding if you realize that you can do a project even better. Keep up the good work!

And I love to hear about how you can use your computer training to figure out more science material for the exam. Have you ever tried Khan Academy? They have some great quizzes and learning modules in all sorts of subjects. You could also try Course Hero or Quizlet. Quizlet lets you create your own quizzes.

You might also get some help from the Pomodoro technique if you have any trouble with focusing on what you don't necessarily want to learn. Set a timer and study for 25 minutes. Then close the computer and do something without electronics for 5 minutes before going back to the studying. Repeat that process 2 or 3 times.

But it sounds like my suggestions aren't all that necessary. You are doing great! Go you! Your goals can still happen one step at a time. @Caesar2024