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Caesar2024
208 M Embraced 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceAugust 6, 2024
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Feeling Like a Failure at 20: Struggling with Loneliness, Self-Doubt, and Finding My Path Forward
Depression Support / by Caesar2024
Last post
 August 19th
...See more I Feel Like I’ve Failed at Life at 20 Years Old: My Story I'm almost 20 years old now, and I can't help but feel like I've failed at life. If I look back at what I've done so far, nothing seems valuable. I didn't go to school very often because I stutter, and this kept me isolated. Instead, I spent most of my time at home, doing things on my computer. Writing this makes me tear up because I feel like a failure. I avoided school because my classmates made fun of me. They laughed at my stutter, gave me cruel nicknames, and made me feel different. Because of this, I don’t have any friends. I've always felt like an outsider. In fact, as a 20-year-old man, I’ve never even talked to a girl. I've spent my entire life avoiding social situations because everyone would joke about my stutter. I failed in education as well. The only thing I found comfort in was my computer. While I didn't go to school much, I did spend a lot of time learning about IT and programming. For some reason, technology was different for me; I could understand it easily. I didn’t remember much of the math, science, or history I was supposed to learn, but I found myself drawn to video editing, design, and eventually, full-stack web development. I’ve gained a lot of knowledge in this area, and I think I’m actually good at it. I can build applications using tools like JavaScript, Node, and Next.js. Right now, I’m working on building a backend portfolio. But despite this, I still feel like I’ve failed. I failed my country’s main exam once, and the second time I tried, I didn’t even show up because Iwas bitten by a snake, and honestly, I hadn’t studied anyway. Until I turned 18, I didn’t really feel the weight of all this. But now, I do. I feel alone. I feel like my chances in life are gone, and I don’t have another opportunity. Most of the time, I feel like I just need a hug. I’ve always wanted to go to the USA, find my wife, and live my life there. But now, it seems like that dream is slipping away. When I told this to my friends, they just laughed at me. Everyone says, “You can't do that,” even my online gaming friends. And now, it seems like they were right. It brings me to tears whenever I think about it. I feel so alone. No one chats with me, no one calls me, no one.  I feel like a failure. I’m from South Asia, and when I was younger, my dream was to go to the USA. I wanted to marry an American girl, have kids, and live a happy life. But now, that dream feels impossible. My family is poor, and I can't afford to get a degree. The cost is just too high. So, I’ve been trying to teach myself. I’ve had this feeling of failure and loneliness for many months now, and it doesn’t seem to go away. There’s another exam coming up for my country, and I plan to take it, but I’m not sure I have the knowledge to pass. That’s my reality. I feel alone, and I feel like I’ve failed. Do you think I can still achieve my dreams? Any advice?
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