Facing feeling alone in a relationship
I feel so alone in this relationship. I have been married to my partner for a very long time and I have come to the realization that he's narcissistic and all these years I have been trying to connect with him I thought was my fault because I have a trauma background. Its impossible to connect with a narcissist because they only see themselves inside of their perspective. I've been in therapy quite awhile trying to repair the damage incurred as a child. I am kicking myself for being in denial about this relationship for so long. Now I feel stuck, for many reasons. Now hes got a major health problem going on and its exacerbated his negative behaviors which are very triggering for me because of my background.... I am struggling to deal with my incredible aloneness. I know I am not alone in my struggles but I am losing hope to find a shred of happiness in my life. I badly want to have a emotionally connected relationship with a partner. One that is fulfilling and we can lean on eachother and have some fun together. Winter will be here soon and that will make things even more difficult stuck inside and it gets so dark here so early .....I worry how I am going to do this.
Hopeless in New England
ABB💜
@amiableBlackberry92
i could have written this post myself... i can totally understand and you get by day by day ... look for any small sparkle that makes YOU happy ... no longer focus on him you cannot change them ..
i quit doing stuff for mine told him you will not do your part to improve your situation so wallow in it i am busy... find hobbies or friends block off alone time and do at least one thing a day out of the ordinary
Today i texted a person i did not even know a mutual friend said "she is funny you will like her" and gave me a phone number ...... it felt weird but 3 texts in it seems like i have a new friend.
This is how i get by......... and exercise which released endorphins..... just putting your thoughts out in the universe maybe someone will hear you and and who knows.
@toughTiger6481
Thanks for your support you are always so spot on in the forums. I am so painfully suffering . I do have a couple girlfriends and a sister I can chat on the phone with. But I am looking for a partner relationship one that involves love and mutual companionship. Emotional support that goes 2 ways. Physical relationship. I want all of this I dont see it ever happening for me. I am so stuck and in emotional pain from this situation. I think at this age its alot more difficult to connect with someone and alot of people are stuck in similar situations ...oh the suffering just continues. I am sorry that you relate to my story.
Thank you kindly,
ABB
You needed to heal the past trauma before you could realize the current stuff and be strong enough to find something better. There is no need to blame yourself. You are working your way towards better, not worse.
I think that feeling less helpless right now is identifying as many things as possible that might give moments of peace - things that you like to do, etc. Focus less on the relationship and more on you. You said that you were worried about the coming winter darkness. Do you have a light that you sit with during darker months. Seasonal depressive disorder is a real thing and better lighting might help a bit, just to start. For me, getting outside is really critical as well. @amiableBlackberry92
@bestVase7265
yes Best. I have a sad light box I use in the winter. It helps some for sure. Thanks for your support here it helps so much. I will be trying hard to stay busy and focus on myself in the coming months. Today I will hang out with my sons doggie and tomorrow I will visit with a friend.
I appreciate your kind words so much
ABB
Sometimes it becomes a bit of constant brain retraining. Focus on those things you are looking forward to or things that you have just enjoyed. Your brain will tell you "but the rest of my day is crap because i don't have the love that I deserve from my partner". But you are experiencing love from your son, the dog, and your friend. Those kinds of love matter too.
Also, come here often to dump. If you type something into this thread every day, I will respond every day. It helps a huge amount to get it all out of your brain where the bad stuff goes around like a giant wrecking ball. @amiableBlackberry92
@bestVase7265
Truth yes.
I do have a lot of love from my kids. My daughter showed up yesterday at my son's and we chatted for hours about everything. She's great too. The dog is a love bug. I have a friend date today and she's awesome. I do have good ppl in my life who love me and I them. The kind of love I'm looking for is intimate partner love. I have never had real love in this area. The kind that you say wow this is amazing connected love. Can't connect with my narcissistic partner and it's painful. My love language is physical it's how I communicate love for my partner and that's not happening. Last night I cried myself to sleep.... I feel like I'm deaad inside my soul because I don't get what I need. It's heartbreaking. I have a lot of love to give. I feel like it's being wasted. Like I'm being wasted. I hope this makes sense.
ABB 💜
Of course. It makes perfect sense. I have been married to my spouse for 26 years and it is far from ideal. He isn't a narcissist at all, but we also haven't been intimate in a decade. He is too shy and uncomfortable with emotions. Does it hurt me? Yes, of course. But I have decided to keep looking for the good moments and work from those.
This may not apply in your case and you may need to get ready to leave in order to find yourself. That is perfectly fine too. @amiableBlackberry92
@amiableBlackberry92
Yes it makes sense ... Many people feel similar things.
A person does want to feel needed and wanted and appreciated ... we also want to share the love we have and it is impossible to do with a distant or angry spouse. I have felt i am wasting time and wish i had a compatible person and while friend and other family might love me in other ways it is not the same.
I thought for a moment this was a post I wrote and forgot about. 😔 Sans him having the health issues (in my case, it's me) almost everything is the same.
One thing is sure: you are never stuck. You have a right to be happy in this one life. I hope you find that and soon.
@brightTree5008
Thank you Bright. I am sorry you can relate to my post. Theres so many of us going through the same things. ugh. I do appreciate your support here it is nice to know I have supporters that dont judge me and have similar experiences .
I am trying very hard to focus on my needs and desires. I just want love thats reciprocated and real.
thx for taking time to reply to me
ABB
