Alone
I have become very isolated and I feel very lonely. I don't know what to do. I don't really have the motivation to explain much further because no one would care. I am so tired. I don't want to be a burden to people. I hate being unwanted. It can't keep being like this.
@SleepyShyCat Hey! It's really nice to see you 😊 It can be really easy to start isolating and it can be so hard to stop. We get comfortable with it. We don't have to worry as much about other people that way too. Depression tells us we're a burden or not worth taking up people's time and anxiety tells us pretty much the same thing - it just phrases it differently
@mytwistedsoul
Soul! I missed seeing you around 🥹 I don't think I ever got the chance to tell you I was taking a break, back in may. I'm back now, but feeling really disconnected from everything and everyone. It doesn't feel the same anymore.
It is even more difficult when the factors making me isolated are out of my control, there's not much I can do. Like it sucks when I isolate myself, but at least there are things I can do to help. It doesn't help I keep thinking it must be better this way, me being around people less. Because then I can't bother anyone.
I am tired of feeling so alone. It makes it all seem so pointless, you know?
It feels nice you were kind enough to comment, despite how sad I still feel I can recognise it felt some good 🩷 thanks soul *hugs*
@SleepyShyCat I missed you too Shy! ❤️ I saw your name and it made me smile 😊
@mytwistedsoul
The only certain thing about cups is that they're always changing something xD you're right though, it's certainly not helping that it no longer feels familiar here.
I worry I will keep feeling lonely like this and it won't get better. Alone is one of my biggest worries. It is painful and makes me think bad things. Because it just triggers a lot of feelings.
I worry people don't want me around. It is what it feels like currently with everything that happens.
I'm trying to come here when I feel alone, but when I'm here I feel so unmotivated to stay and try to connect with people. I'm so tired and it feels like too much effort. But then I'm alone again and sad. This here is the most I've reached out in months.
Irl connections would help, I feel so lonely all the time. The more sad and tired I get, the less motivation I have to try and change it. Then I feel worse. I know what will happen after that, I'm trying to avoid previous patterns but nothing is working :(
I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my comments, Soul 🩵
@SleepyShyCat I have to tell you I really relate to to feeling unmotivated. Connecting and maintaining any type of relationship is hard work and some times well - some days and even months we just simply don't have the energy to put into those things. It takes all the energy we have just to breathe
@mytwistedsoul
I don't think we have either of those phone lines here. We do have several though which is good for others, but not really for me. I have various communication issues and I can't talk on a phone. I can't talk (verbally) to people I'm not familiar with. There's one text line I can use, but the wait time to be connected with someone is usually 3-6 hours :')
The difficulties I have also mean I can't go out and do stuff like going to the library without someone with me for support. And the few people I have who might do that, are currently really busy so can't. I can't leave the house without support and since they're busy, I hardly leave now. When I do it's irregular and not consistent. It's partly why I feel so isolated. I'm in my room alone the majority of the week.
Coming back here more frequently is the only small thing I think I can actually do with the ability I have. I've been trying to put into place more consistent (paid) support but waitlists are endless and services are very few. So idk. It would help massively if anxiety and communication issues didn't prevent me from doing so much.
Unrelated... Look at this dj cat xD
@SleepyShyCat Holy cow! 3 to 6 hours?! That's a long time to wait. Here at least you can get a listener in the queue in a few minutes. If you're lucky they might be a good one lol 😅 Nah there's some good ones here
@SleepyShyCat aww sweetie, I'm sorry your stick in a rough patch rn. Just keep strong, try little achievable tasks, do what ever makes you feel happy, one day at a time. And people do care about you ❤ I know I do ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly ❤ it does get better
@Tinywhisper11
Aw thanks tiny ❤️ I try distracting myself with cats. That's always a good choice. I just wish I wasn't so lonely, it feels so sad. It makes everything feel worse when it's like this. I wish I believed I was wanted too. Thanks for the giant tiny hug ❤️❤️
@SleepyShyCat gives you a huggg ❤ squeezes you tightly
@mytwistedsoul
Did the forums change? I don't like it :') it feels even more unfamiliar now
Communication has always been a struggle. It's a combination of several things - anxiety, autism, dissociation, understanding, fatigue.. Mostly links to being autistic though. My communication levels change a lot. Somedays are better than others. Sometimes I can't communicate at all.
Everytime they change things here I feel less motivated to log on. It is tiring.
@SleepyShyCat They did make changes to the forums. I'm sorry it feels even more familiar and I agree. All the changes have been overwhelming 😕 The one that annoys me the most is the reply button disappearing
@mytwistedsoul
I don't know what helps anymore. I'm so tired. All I think is that no one wants me around. It is a horrible and sticky thought.
*hugs*
@SleepyShyCat Those are hard thoughts to get rid of. I've always liked seeing you here. I know it's just my words against those thoughts but it's true. Your cat posts are awesome and you find some of the coolest pictures. Maybe you can do a day at a time? If you want to talk and are comfortable you can come visit here and if you need to take a step back that's ok too. But there's no pressure or obligation to reply to anyone or anything and you set the pace you're comfortable with. Maybe that would help. I wish I had better ideas to offer
@mytwistedsoul
I liked making my cat posts. I posted again there for the first time in months, only a funny gif. I get anxious on the forum now and idk why. Anxious to put any effort into anything. I keep a cat journal now which is pretty much a physical version of my cat post, but better. Fact sheets, photos, stickers, drawings, thoughts.. It is fun. But I have no energy at the moment to keep up with it. 🐈
I'm doing quite a bit of therapy right now so I guess that's something good. I hope anyway. I had to request some emergency phonecalls, to fill the gap between my last and next session (Monday). I usually can't do phonecalls, but it was necessary and I trust her enough to manage it.
@SleepyShyCat That's a pretty good idea to keep a cat journal. It sounds awesome with the stickers and drawings. And having a physical copy of it gives you easier access to it anytime you want. Even if you don't work on it right now it
@mytwistedsoul
Soul 🥺 thank you for your kind words, it means a lot, especially right now ❤️
I feel so alone, tired, sad, empty... I'm trying so hard to keep up with the things I'm supposed to do to feel better but idk. I'm so tired and at this point I don't know how much more I can keep doing.
I just want it to stop, and to have rest that actually feels like rest. With no feelings, no thoughts, no worries, absolutely nothing. It feels so heavy.
@SleepyShyCat You're welcome ❤️ Maybe - idk - maybe this sounds dumb but maybe you're trying too hard to keep up with those things you're trying to do to feel better? I'm not saying don't do things to help you feel better of course. But sometimes we need a day off
@mytwistedsoul
The stuff I'm trying to keep up with is the safety plans I have set up with my therapist so I shouldn't really skip those. Everything else I've already dropped because I can't manage it. I try to make use of moments when I have some energy but idk.
Weary is one word for it I guess. I don't think taking a day off would make any difference, I already don't do anything with my day most the time.
My therapist knows and we're doing extra sessions /phonecalls where needed. Which is quite a bit right now and I feel bad. I saw her on Monday, and I'm seeing her again tomorrow.
I think the most problematic feeling is the loneliness. It seems to make all the feelings worse and more intense. Feeling like I have no one really doesn't help. Because you feel like giving up and the connection, comfort and support I desperately want and need isn't there.
It makes me wonder why I'm alone. Like what is so wrong with me that it is like this. I'll think lots of negative thoughts, lots of criticism, self hatred, all the fun stuff :')
@SleepyShyCat Yeah you definitely want to keep up on that. I should be more careful with suggestions I make. I'm sorry about that
Hi there. Feeling lonely can be extremely sad at the beginning, mostly because you are not used to feel like that and being with people is your comfort zone. But knowing yourself would make this hard journey worthy. Do the thing you enjoy, and if you don’t enjoy anything, try with new stuff, there are hundred of different activities out there and you will definitely found something. Find someone to talk with. The best option is a professional but if you don’t have the money you can count with many resources that will back you up.
@SleepyShyCat
Hello, @SleepyShyCat.
Reading this post brought tears to my eyes because I have often felt this on many occasions, a longing and loneliness that I can't describe. Recently, I decided upon coming here sharing my thoughts and experiences with many others and have such comfort in that.
It's important to note that these unfair feelings will stay and go. Passing by like the seasons and this is just a season in your life. ❤️
Please keep coming back and thank you so much for your raw honesty.
Sleepy, you are not alone! I'm also alone, discarded by family, just out of an abusive relationship. I felt like I was reading my own words. It feels like there's no one to hear you. But I hear you! I'm the family outcast. What started your isolation, if you feel like sharing?
If you need me I'm here
I’m lonely too mainly cause I live on my own. Hopefully things can get better for you.
@SleepyShyCat just peeking in on you 😊 You've been in my thoughts
