Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav

Alone

SleepyShyCat September 19th, 2023

I have become very isolated and I feel very lonely. I don't know what to do. I don't really have the motivation to explain much further because no one would care. I am so tired. I don't want to be a burden to people. I hate being unwanted. It can't keep being like this.

34
mytwistedsoul September 19th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat Hey! It's really nice to see you 😊 It can be really easy to start isolating and it can be so hard to stop. We get comfortable with it. We don't have to worry as much about other people that way too. Depression tells us we're a burden or not worth taking up people's time and anxiety tells us pretty much the same thing - it just phrases it differently

It took a lot of courage to reach out but I'm glad you did ❤️ You're not a burden Shy - you're a kind and thoughtful person and you're wanted here 😊 *offers safe hugs* ❤️
6 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 19th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Soul! I missed seeing you around 🥹 I don't think I ever got the chance to tell you I was taking a break, back in may. I'm back now, but feeling really disconnected from everything and everyone. It doesn't feel the same anymore.

It is even more difficult when the factors making me isolated are out of my control, there's not much I can do. Like it sucks when I isolate myself, but at least there are things I can do to help. It doesn't help I keep thinking it must be better this way, me being around people less. Because then I can't bother anyone.

I am tired of feeling so alone. It makes it all seem so pointless, you know?

It feels nice you were kind enough to comment, despite how sad I still feel I can recognise it felt some good 🩷 thanks soul *hugs*

5 replies
mytwistedsoul September 19th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat I missed you too Shy! ❤️ I saw your name and it made me smile 😊

It probably doesn't help that there's been so many changes here lately. It adds a feeling of unfamiliarity to everything
I do understand about factors making you isolate that are out of your control. How certain things - can make us feel or think we should stay away from people?
Loneliness is hard. It hurts. 😞 Maybe coming here can help some of it? You could think of it as self care? I know it's not the same as having people in real life but maybe it could help alittle? ❤️ There's no pressure either though. I mean I don't want you to feel you're obligated or anything
I'm sorry you still feel so sad. I wish there was something I could do to ease that sadness for you ❤️
4 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 19th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

The only certain thing about cups is that they're always changing something xD you're right though, it's certainly not helping that it no longer feels familiar here.

I worry I will keep feeling lonely like this and it won't get better. Alone is one of my biggest worries. It is painful and makes me think bad things. Because it just triggers a lot of feelings.

I worry people don't want me around. It is what it feels like currently with everything that happens.

I'm trying to come here when I feel alone, but when I'm here I feel so unmotivated to stay and try to connect with people. I'm so tired and it feels like too much effort. But then I'm alone again and sad. This here is the most I've reached out in months.

Irl connections would help, I feel so lonely all the time. The more sad and tired I get, the less motivation I have to try and change it. Then I feel worse. I know what will happen after that, I'm trying to avoid previous patterns but nothing is working :(

I appreciate you taking the time to read and respond to my comments, Soul 🩵

3 replies
mytwistedsoul September 20th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat I have to tell you I really relate to to feeling unmotivated. Connecting and maintaining any type of relationship is hard work and some times well - some days and even months we just simply don't have the energy to put into those things. It takes all the energy we have just to breathe

I'm not sure where you live but do you have warm lines there? They're not a crisis place just a place to talk to a real person about anything - like literally anything 🙂. There's the Hope line too. I think that's text based though.
What about a library? They often have little classes on things - that might be a way to interact and make friends. The classes are usually pretty reasonably priced too - just to cover costs of materials
Sometimes just the smallest thing can put a snag in the patterns. Can you think of something small you can change that would do that?
You're welcome Shy but no thanks is necessary ❤️ I like talking with you 😊
2 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I don't think we have either of those phone lines here. We do have several though which is good for others, but not really for me. I have various communication issues and I can't talk on a phone. I can't talk (verbally) to people I'm not familiar with. There's one text line I can use, but the wait time to be connected with someone is usually 3-6 hours :')

The difficulties I have also mean I can't go out and do stuff like going to the library without someone with me for support. And the few people I have who might do that, are currently really busy so can't. I can't leave the house without support and since they're busy, I hardly leave now. When I do it's irregular and not consistent. It's partly why I feel so isolated. I'm in my room alone the majority of the week.

Coming back here more frequently is the only small thing I think I can actually do with the ability I have. I've been trying to put into place more consistent (paid) support but waitlists are endless and services are very few. So idk. It would help massively if anxiety and communication issues didn't prevent me from doing so much.

Unrelated... Look at this dj cat xD

cats-cat-spin.gif

mytwistedsoul September 20th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat Holy cow! 3 to 6 hours?! That's a long time to wait. Here at least you can get a listener in the queue in a few minutes. If you're lucky they might be a good one lol 😅 Nah there's some good ones here

It's frustrating to want to communicate but not be able to. Is this something you've always struggled with? Tbh I have trouble with phone calls too. Dissociation. Face to face is like that too but not as bad if it's someone familiar. Is the communication issue come with the anxiety? Or is it a separate issue? I can ask a lot of questions sometimes lol but there's never any pressure to answer ok? 😊
I hope the people you can have go with you can soon find some time to go out with you - even if it's just a trip to the store. Baby steps ya know?
I'm really glad you come here ❤️ There's another place similar called the tribe. It's like here - anonymous and peer based. Idk if you'd be interested in checking it out but no pressure. The link is here The tribe
I've heard the wait lists for services like that can be really long and that there's not alot to go to. I hope you can find someone to help you be able to get out more. That would definitely be a big help
Thank you for sharing with me. I know that can be really hard to do too ❤️
LOL! DJ cat spinnin' the tunes! 😁 I wonder how dizzy it was afterwards!
cat-cat-activity.gif
I need that level of energy lol 😁
load more
load more
load more
load more
load more
Tinywhisper11 September 19th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat aww sweetie, I'm sorry your stick in a rough patch rn. Just keep strong, try little achievable tasks, do what ever makes you feel happy, one day at a time. And people do care about you ❤ I know I do ❤❤ gives you a giant tiny hug ❤❤squeezes you tightly ❤ it does get better

2 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 19th, 2023

@Tinywhisper11

Aw thanks tiny ❤️ I try distracting myself with cats. That's always a good choice. I just wish I wasn't so lonely, it feels so sad. It makes everything feel worse when it's like this. I wish I believed I was wanted too. Thanks for the giant tiny hug ❤️❤️

1 reply
Tinywhisper11 September 19th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat gives you a huggg ❤ squeezes you tightly

load more
load more
SleepyShyCat OP September 20th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Did the forums change? I don't like it :') it feels even more unfamiliar now

Communication has always been a struggle. It's a combination of several things - anxiety, autism, dissociation, understanding, fatigue.. Mostly links to being autistic though. My communication levels change a lot. Somedays are better than others. Sometimes I can't communicate at all.

Everytime they change things here I feel less motivated to log on. It is tiring.

5 replies
mytwistedsoul September 21st, 2023

@SleepyShyCat They did make changes to the forums. I'm sorry it feels even more familiar and I agree. All the changes have been overwhelming 😕 The one that annoys me the most is the reply button disappearing

My communication changes too. Some days I can talk someone's ear off here and others you can't pry a word out at all. It all gets locked in and I just can't get the words out 😞 and some days I just can't comprehend what I'm reading and I feel incredibly stupid
Is there anything I can do to help Shy? *sends you strength and hugs if ok* ❤️
4 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 22nd, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I don't know what helps anymore. I'm so tired. All I think is that no one wants me around. It is a horrible and sticky thought.

*hugs*

3 replies
mytwistedsoul September 23rd, 2023

@SleepyShyCat Those are hard thoughts to get rid of. I've always liked seeing you here. I know it's just my words against those thoughts but it's true. Your cat posts are awesome and you find some of the coolest pictures. Maybe you can do a day at a time? If you want to talk and are comfortable you can come visit here and if you need to take a step back that's ok too. But there's no pressure or obligation to reply to anyone or anything and you set the pace you're comfortable with. Maybe that would help. I wish I had better ideas to offer

2 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 23rd, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

I liked making my cat posts. I posted again there for the first time in months, only a funny gif. I get anxious on the forum now and idk why. Anxious to put any effort into anything. I keep a cat journal now which is pretty much a physical version of my cat post, but better. Fact sheets, photos, stickers, drawings, thoughts.. It is fun. But I have no energy at the moment to keep up with it. 🐈

I'm doing quite a bit of therapy right now so I guess that's something good. I hope anyway. I had to request some emergency phonecalls, to fill the gap between my last and next session (Monday). I usually can't do phonecalls, but it was necessary and I trust her enough to manage it.

1 reply
mytwistedsoul September 24th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat That's a pretty good idea to keep a cat journal. It sounds awesome with the stickers and drawings. And having a physical copy of it gives you easier access to it anytime you want. Even if you don't work on it right now it

I'm glad you're doing therapy and you trusted her enough to request some emergency calls and could do them. I think that's amazing! ❤️
Anxiety and depression are heavy to carry. And on therapy and dealing with things in there - I can understand why you're tired. Maybe treat yourself as if you're getting over a sickness? Rest and make sure you drink water and juice. Eat good foods. The steps you take don't need to be earth shaking steps Shy. I hope you can be gentle with yourself and your thoughts because you're doing your best right now and I admire that
*sending you strength and hugs* ❤️
hug-love.gifhappy-cat-jumping-cat.gif
load more
load more
load more
load more
load more
SleepyShyCat OP September 24th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Soul 🥺 thank you for your kind words, it means a lot, especially right now ❤️

I feel so alone, tired, sad, empty... I'm trying so hard to keep up with the things I'm supposed to do to feel better but idk. I'm so tired and at this point I don't know how much more I can keep doing.

I just want it to stop, and to have rest that actually feels like rest. With no feelings, no thoughts, no worries, absolutely nothing. It feels so heavy.

thanks-cute.gif

2 replies
mytwistedsoul September 25th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat You're welcome ❤️ Maybe - idk - maybe this sounds dumb but maybe you're trying too hard to keep up with those things you're trying to do to feel better? I'm not saying don't do things to help you feel better of course. But sometimes we need a day off

You sound - weary 😞 I saw somewhere a quote about how it's hard to feel rested when it's your soul that tired. Maybe take a day or even a half a day and do things that you like that don't require a lot of effort to do?

Does your therapist know how bad you've been feeling? I ask because I keep a lot of things to myself - even with the therapist 😕
I love the gif! ❤️
remember-positive.gif
Still sending good vibes ❤️
healing-crystal.gif
2 replies
SleepyShyCat OP September 26th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

The stuff I'm trying to keep up with is the safety plans I have set up with my therapist so I shouldn't really skip those. Everything else I've already dropped because I can't manage it. I try to make use of moments when I have some energy but idk.

Weary is one word for it I guess. I don't think taking a day off would make any difference, I already don't do anything with my day most the time.

My therapist knows and we're doing extra sessions /phonecalls where needed. Which is quite a bit right now and I feel bad. I saw her on Monday, and I'm seeing her again tomorrow.

I think the most problematic feeling is the loneliness. It seems to make all the feelings worse and more intense. Feeling like I have no one really doesn't help. Because you feel like giving up and the connection, comfort and support I desperately want and need isn't there.

It makes me wonder why I'm alone. Like what is so wrong with me that it is like this. I'll think lots of negative thoughts, lots of criticism, self hatred, all the fun stuff :')

2 replies
mytwistedsoul September 27th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat Yeah you definitely want to keep up on that. I should be more careful with suggestions I make. I'm sorry about that

I actually know what you mean about taking a day off. It's kind of like thinking going away somewhere will make things better and I guess it does for a little while but the things you left behind are just waiting for you to return

I think it's really good that you're doing extra sessions and calls with your therapist. It really shows how hard you're trying to help yourself and that's something to be proud of

Loneliness is powerful. It's hard to make friends and meet people - especially if people make you anxious. Not having support is hard too. You'd think you could maybe lean on family but they often don't seem to have the patience or they're part of the problem

I like to think that's there's people out there - we just have to find them. Fighting the negative thoughts - criticism and self hate is hard. It doesn't take much to get them started. We're our own worst enemies when it comes to that. Even on a good day those thoughts seem to lurk in the background just waiting for the smallest mistake or misunderstanding. I'm so sorry you have to deal with all this Shy ❤️



2 replies
SleepyShyCat OP October 4th, 2023

@mytwistedsoul

Don't worry it's ok, i appreciate suggestions but I understand they are just that - suggestions. Anything my therapist has written out for me to stick to doing I will try to keep doing.

It is hard with family, I know I'm not 'alone' but everyone is so busy it ends up being that way. And it makes me feel guilty, because I know I have people and I'm lucky in that sense and I'm grateful for them - but I'm still alone in my room, with no one to talk to or interact with and it feels sad. And I end up thinking maybe they don't want me around and that's why, or I'm somehow bad or disliked so it's better without me. Rationally I know they're just busy. But it is so much, and thoughts are hard.

Some family are not great and say horrible things, which really doesn't help.

It would help if I was able to get out and support myself, but I can't. To even leave the house I need someone to support me. I'm waiting to be placed with a support worker, but still have not heard anything.

I'm trying my best to keep trying but it's hard and I feel so sad all the time.

I would do anything for the feelings to stop.

Thank you for your support soul 🩷

1 reply
mytwistedsoul October 6th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat I understand what you mean. Those thoughts are alot stronger than rationality. I talk with another person who has this issue too. It's hard to talk him out of those thoughts but he says distractions help. Do distractions help you?


When people say horrible things those things get stuck in your head. It becomes fuel for the thoughts that are already there. At least for me they do

Hey the way I see it your putting a lot of work and effort to help yourself. You reached out here. You're sharing what your going through with me. That's not easy. Plus you've put in motion to get a support person. I remember you said there was a waiting list. I really hope it doesn't take to much longer

I wish - there was something more I could say to help make those feelings stop

No thank you's needed ok? I enjoy talking with you ❤️ and I'm always just a tag away ok? 😊
*sending you lots of hugs and good vibes*
orange-cat-silly-cat.gif
Random cat being silly 😁 cause sometimes we need a laugh ❤️
load more
load more
load more
load more
load more
navyDog9694 September 25th, 2023

Hi there. Feeling lonely can be extremely sad at the beginning, mostly because you are not used to feel like that and being with people is your comfort zone. But knowing yourself would make this hard journey worthy. Do the thing you enjoy, and if you don’t enjoy anything, try with new stuff, there are hundred of different activities out there and you will definitely found something. Find someone to talk with. The best option is a professional but if you don’t have the money you can count with many resources that will back you up.

DivineButterfly September 27th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat

Hello, @SleepyShyCat.

Reading this post brought tears to my eyes because I have often felt this on many occasions, a longing and loneliness that I can't describe. Recently, I decided upon coming here sharing my thoughts and experiences with many others and have such comfort in that.

It's important to note that these unfair feelings will stay and go. Passing by like the seasons and this is just a season in your life. ❤️

Please keep coming back and thank you so much for your raw honesty.

SadLiittleMeowser October 2nd, 2023

Sleepy, you are not alone! I'm also alone, discarded by family, just out of an abusive relationship. I felt like I was reading my own words. It feels like there's no one to hear you. But I hear you! I'm the family outcast. What started your isolation, if you feel like sharing?

SadLiittleMeowser October 4th, 2023

If you need me I'm here

piecefulzen October 7th, 2023

I’m lonely too mainly cause I live on my own. Hopefully things can get better for you.

mytwistedsoul October 15th, 2023

@SleepyShyCat just peeking in on you 😊 You've been in my thoughts 

cat-peeking.gif