not even sure what to say anymore
it's been 2 years living with depression and i still let myself struggle alone. i won't go get help because i'm too afraid. so i suffer in silence. a couple friends try to help but they just don't understand. everything feels so empty and hopeless now. it's rare that i can actually get excited about good things happening. and just when i think things have hit rock bottom they somehow manage to get worse. i still wonder if i'm actually going to make it out of this or not. sometimes i just want it all to be over so i won't have to hurt anymore. even though it's just a constant numbness now. but if it all ends then i won't be a bother to the few people that are still in my life. i'd be lying if i said i hadn't given up. i've given up more times than i thought possible. things seem to be getting better and everything comes crashing down again in a wave of unworthiness and anxiety and hopelessness and doubt and failure and god knows what else. nothing ever gets better. only worse. and worse. and worse.