Why are some lonely and some prefer aloneness
Why do many of us feel so lonely? It makes life so difficult at times when we are feeling alone. Then some of us prefer to be alone. What gives?
@Sumar2 The answer is uncertain and complicated, unfortunately, and I am not an expert.
One simple theory is that loneliness is "a discrepancy between one's desired and achieved levels of social relations." That is, people who do not desire much from social relations do not feel lonely if they do not have many social relations. But people who desire a lot from social relations feel lonely if they do not achieve what they desire. (The quote is from Toward a Social Psychology of Loneliness, a rather technical book chapter written about 40 years ago.)
But then you might ask, why do some people desire a lot from social relations and some don't? One theory I've read about this is that it's something to do with emotional attachments formed in childhood, but unfortunately I don't remember the details or where I read about it. You could Google it and find out more.
The answer to why many people feel so lonely therefore has two parts to it, if you believe these theories. One part of it is that for many people, emotional attachments in childhood (or lack of them) have created a great desire or need for social relations. The other part of it is that for many people, meaningful social contact is difficult. This combination produces loneliness.
If you'd ever like to chat about loneliness, feel free to click on my profile picture and message me.
Charlie
@Sumar2 well for me personally. I think it has to do with after elementary school going into middle school and into highschool I was bullied a lot. everyday for basically 7 years of my life constantly put down people stole my money etc. that was years and years ago I'm 22 now. But it's shaped who I am today as an adult. Any way, As you probably know After a while that kinda gets to be way too much to handle. So I stopped really looking for friendships or relationships. I isolated myself. And it's where I feel most comfortable. Alone.
@Aprilrenee
i am so very sorry to hear you were bullied for so many years. I was bullied at a much younger age and understand its impact well. But you have left those ugly people behind now and dont hold what happened to you against the rest of the world. There are many kind and decent people out here that would genuinely care to know you. I wish you all the best!
@Sumar2 people want to get rid of loneliness in the sense that they want to feel like they have a solid foundation of social support in their lives -- people to do things with or chat with, people who you don't have strained or broken relationships with. Nobody wants to be alone in the sense of isolation, but you also don't want to be with people during certain moments of your life, or with people who treat you like shit
Sometimes we need someone else to keep us in balance and other times these same people tear down our balances. As such we need more time to recover and being around another person in that moment is quite overwhelming when you lack the energy needed to keep up with them every time.
@ShadowDance
When it's hard to communicate when you need some time with someone. It creates loneliness through our misunderstandings of our views.