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Unsure how to deal/move forward with Depressed BF

User Profile: coldWater6416
coldWater6416 May 29th, 2019

Long story short. My boyfriend (30) and I (25) met back in October and have been "together" since (~7.5 months). The beginning was incredible and we were both happy and comfortable. I found out he had just gotten out of a tumultuous 5 year relationship, but that it didn't impact us or his feelings for me. He continued to go above and beyond for me in all aspects of life. A little over a month ago he started becoming more distant. I didn't want to overstep boundaries so I let it be when he would not talk to me for a day or two. It eventually became a week and I called to check in. He was frantic, complaining about everything in his life and finally revealed to me that he has depression and is on medications for it (not seeing a therapist). I felt terrible and we exchanged a few texts that day.

Another week and half went by and I tried calling again. No answer, so I texted. He told me he is in the thick of his depression and cannot talk right now but would talk to me the next day when he is out of work. The next day went by and I offered to see him briefly to just chat. He texts me that he has a lot going on with work, a sick family member, and personal issues with himself. He is "dealing with life day to day" and is desperately looking for time to be completely alone from all responsibilities and relationships in his life (family, colleagues, friendships, etc). He complained about a friend stopping by unannounced and that it triggered him. He thanked me for checking in and being concerned and hoped all was still well with me and my family. He said he'll eventually be OK but needs time to get to a better place. I know I can't fix his problems, so I responded with a long text saying that although this has been hard for me because I fear I may never hear from him ever again that I am here for him if he ever needs me, I hope he gets through this tough time, that he is amazing but I understand that he needs time alone.

I already know this is not a reflection of me/my actions, that I need to focus on myself in the meantime and be supportive if he reaches out. What I'm looking for on here from someone who has been in my shoes or his:

- Is this normal behavior for a depressed partner (on medications)?

- Will he ever come back around and reach out to me? Has anyone experienced this in the past of long periods of "ghosting" from a partner who comes back when they come out of this episode? Is there hope?

- How do I be supportive without being annoying/making things worse? I do not intend on reaching out again for a while, but I care for his well-being and think I will in a month or so.

- Is this over? Is him saying he needs time to get to a better place his way of dumping me or does he need space?

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User Profile: Jem7Cups
Jem7Cups April 8th, 2020

- Is this normal behavior for a depressed partner (on medications)?
It really depends on the person. But yes, it is common for depressive individuals to become introverted.

- Will he ever come back around and reach out to me? Has anyone experienced this in the past of long periods of "ghosting" from a partner who comes back when they come out of this episode? Is there hope?
I cannot possibly answer this Q. I would suggest focusing on yourself and your needs for now.

- How do I be supportive without being annoying/making things worse? I do not intend on reaching out again for a while, but I care for his well-being and think I will in a month or so.
I would wait for him to contact you, as then you're there for him, but not invading his personal space.

- Is this over? Is him saying he needs time to get to a better place his way of dumping me or does he need space?
I don't think it's over, as he would've said it was. I think he is genuinely just struggling and needs a bit of time alone to himself.

I realise you posted this a while ago. How are things now? Better I hope ๐Ÿ˜Š

Jem ๐Ÿ’œ