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coldWater6416
136 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2019 Member sinceMay 21, 2019
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Unsure how to deal/move forward with Depressed BF
Depression Support / by coldWater6416
Last post
 April 8th, 2020
...See more Long story short. My boyfriend (30) and I (25) met back in October and have been "together" since (~7.5 months). The beginning was incredible and we were both happy and comfortable. I found out he had just gotten out of a tumultuous 5 year relationship, but that it didn't impact us or his feelings for me. He continued to go above and beyond for me in all aspects of life. A little over a month ago he started becoming more distant. I didn't want to overstep boundaries so I let it be when he would not talk to me for a day or two. It eventually became a week and I called to check in. He was frantic, complaining about everything in his life and finally revealed to me that he has depression and is on medications for it (not seeing a therapist). I felt terrible and we exchanged a few texts that day. Another week and half went by and I tried calling again. No answer, so I texted. He told me he is in the thick of his depression and cannot talk right now but would talk to me the next day when he is out of work. The next day went by and I offered to see him briefly to just chat. He texts me that he has a lot going on with work, a sick family member, and personal issues with himself. He is "dealing with life day to day" and is desperately looking for time to be completely alone from all responsibilities and relationships in his life (family, colleagues, friendships, etc). He complained about a friend stopping by unannounced and that it triggered him. He thanked me for checking in and being concerned and hoped all was still well with me and my family. He said he'll eventually be OK but needs time to get to a better place. I know I can't fix his problems, so I responded with a long text saying that although this has been hard for me because I fear I may never hear from him ever again that I am here for him if he ever needs me, I hope he gets through this tough time, that he is amazing but I understand that he needs time alone. I already know this is not a reflection of me/my actions, that I need to focus on myself in the meantime and be supportive if he reaches out. What I'm looking for on here from someone who has been in my shoes or his: - Is this normal behavior for a depressed partner (on medications)? - Will he ever come back around and reach out to me? Has anyone experienced this in the past of long periods of "ghosting" from a partner who comes back when they come out of this episode? Is there hope? - How do I be supportive without being annoying/making things worse? I do not intend on reaching out again for a while, but I care for his well-being and think I will in a month or so. - Is this over? Is him saying he needs time to get to a better place his way of dumping me or does he need space?
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Depressed Boyfriend Ignoring for Me Weeks
Depression Support / by coldWater6416
Last post
 Sunday
...See more I have been dating my boyfriend for almost 9 months now. I know that is not a very long time, but I really like him and see a future with him. He's five years older than me (30 vs 25), very career oriented, into his hobbies, and has expressed that he is not completely happy with where he's at in life (not married yet with no kids was never his ideal plan.). I never wanted to push back on those topics in fear of sounding like the crazy girlfriend that is already considering marriage and kids. He was a complete gentleman from the very beginning and our relationship was fun, comfortable, and stable until about 2-3 months ago. He started becoming more distant, not texting or calling me every day like we used to. I know every day is a lot and he works a very demanding job with long hours and can understand not talking every day. But then days turned into 5 - 10 days without talking to me and only responding when I reach out first, making me feel like I was begging for attention. Our most recent duration of not talking was about 2 weeks. I finally called because I didn't understand what was going on, spending some nights crying or upset wondering what I did or if he had moved onto someone else. I needed answers. He finally answered and we talked for an hour. He finally revealed to me that he's depressed, on medicine for it, and is having a midlife crisis trying to figure out what he wants to do with his life. (I myself have extreme anxiety that I have been seeking help to deal with). In retrospect, I feel terrible knowing he is in such a dark place and wish I expressed that at the time. But instead, I kept asking if he thought about how I've been feeling because of this cold-shoulder treatment. Long story short - it was a long talk, each of us expressing how shitty we felt and how this affected us, but not really listening to the other person. We agreed to try to reconnect to follow up with this conversation in person to discuss it. But after exchanging a few texts and him saying he'd let me know when we could hang, I haven't heard anything. In these few texts he made it clear that this lack of communication was not because of anything I did, but him simply trying to figure out how he feels about himself and his future career wise and personally.I followed up a few days later with a long text expressing how I am here for him during this tough time, how much I care about him and hope I can help. Still no response. Of course I have family and friends saying to move on and that I don't deserve this treatment. Only one of my friends, who is in a committed relationship with someone who has depression has told me to be patient and wait this out. To focus on me right now, but don't assume it's over and give him space. I don't want to this be over, but I don't know what to do at this point. Will he ever reach out when this episode is over?Is this normal for a depressed boyfriend to not talk to his girlfriend for weeks? Are long periods of time not out of the blue for someone in his shoes to not reach out or answer calls/texts? It has been almost a week now since I sent the follow up message expressing my support. Should I consider this done and move on? I've never been in this position before. I'm not claiming to be a perfect girlfriend and know I should make a better effort at communicating what I want/need/feel, but unsure how to deal with someone in this situation. I don't want to overstep boundaries by reaching out numerous times with no response, but don't want this to end because I decided to stop reaching out as well. Any advice would be great!
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