Unsure What To Do...
This is going to be somewhat long & I apologize. About a year ago, 2 bad things happened at the same time. They weren't related to each other, other then them being friend of each other & friends with me. My boyfriend broke up with me twice in a 2 week period because he was going through a lot at the time. And, one of my best friends stopped talking to me because she was going through some tough things at the time. We all worked together, & we were all friends, which made things hard, because she wasn't talking to me at all (which made the work environment very hard), & he was flip flopping on me. He would completely ignore me at breaks & lunches, but was obvious chumy with her & their other work friends, then out of the blue, would talk to me & act like nothing had happened or nothing was wrong. Then, go back to ignoring me again...I had talked to him outside of work, & laid out how I was feeling, & I THOUGHT we worked things out, but I guess not because he's not talking to me now. Then, my friend & I had talked, & she said she needed space, & long story short, I have given her her space. BUT, my other 2 best friends have mentioned that they have both started talking to her again. One of them was REAL good friends with her, & me & my other friend always felt like the 2 of them were real close to each other & always tried to rub our faces in it at every turn. As petty as this sounds, they said they were both on my side, & didn't know what her problem was, & they had my back, & wouldn't talk to her after everything she did (including bad talking me behind my back, which she did with everyone) And, now they're talking to her again...I tried not to feel betrayed, & hurt, but I do. And, both of them have said that I should try to text her, try to make up with her of sorts. I was against it because I told that person that I'd leave her alone & for her to text me or call me when she felt ready to talk to me again, & she hasn't. I went against that a couple times, once for her birthday, & twice again-once when her father got sick, & again when he passed away-all times I thought appropriate to do so. I never received a text back from her, & I'm said to say, I went into a social media & messaged her from there, & received replies almost right away from her, but not directly from her phone. Yesterday, I broke down & I texted her again, & said i knew it'd been a while, but that I was thinking of her, & that I wanted to check in, & asked how she was...again, at the urging of both my friends, even though I've stated that I was going to wait for her. But, with all the time that has gone by, it still is weighing on me that she hasn't reached out to me at all, AND is now talking to the both of them. I texted her about 4 last night, & haven't heard a word back. I've got a lot of things running through my head right now-maybe she's busy, maybe she doesn't want to be friends anymore,which is why she hasn't re-connected with me, maybe she blocked my number so she didn't have to see any of my texts, which is why she never texted me, but answered me on social media...BUT, both of my friends said she's asked about me, about how I was doing...1 of them even saying to tell me hi from her...so WHY would she not text me herself? And, I did text her yesterday, so why hasn't she texted me or called me back? If she's asking after me, even told 1 of our friends to say hi to me, why is she not talking to me? I thought I was over all of this shit, I felt like it was a 'dead horse' if you will, not necessarily closed, but just done, I thought it couldn't affect me anymore, but here I am, worrying over it that I'm making myself almost sick again, I'm in a deep dark depression again over it, & I feel like my 'friends' don't have my back, & I can't talk to them about it, because I've exhausted them with it, but I want to talk about it to someone...I'm trying to be the bigger person here, so why do I feel like I'm all alone? Why do I feel like it's happening all over again, & like somehow it's all my fault, & like I'm being punished by all of them now? If you've made it this far, thank you for reading, any thoughts, words of wisdom & help will be much appreciated.