Tough Crowd
Did you hear the one about the funny guy that....... He Cried alot and hid his anguish behind a joke. He was always quick witted and could make people laugh without even trying he was the life of the party and from what you could see he was the happiest guy around. You probably are thinking Robin Williams but no its me nothing made me smile more than making others laugh and smile it gives you a sense of belonging but what most dont know many of the jokes are to hide the pain. But there comes a time when the pain outweighs the smiles and you have nothing and your faced with reality that no matter how many you make laugh you are chained to the anvil that gets very hard to drag around. When you can not make yourself laugh any more all you want is that final curtain to drop.
Defeated, i was listening to something the other day about comedians and how some of the best known ones made people laugh by making light of troubles they grew up with. One of the ones i remember them talking about was Richard Pryor. They said that he grew up with a grandmother that was pretty mean. They said one of the things he talked about was you didnt want to cross her because she would take her fake leg off and beat him with it. I will say a prayer for you buddy in the hopes that things will get better for you.
I wish i could say I make people laugh but truth is I am not that funny. At least you've got that. I'm sorry you feel that way, it's not the best feeling to have. But I hope you don't give up just yet. There's still time to be able to feel better and get back on the wagon with everyone else. I am sure there is someone who you made laugh that was sad behind his smile too. You aren't alone and you can make it past this. Try, try, try. I want to hear that your happy again :)
Ah yes, the depressed-but-don't-want-anyone-to-know-so-I'll-put-on-a-happy-face-and-pretend-nothing's-wrong thing...the more people I talk to about this, the more I realize how many people do it. Even the "normal", not depressed friends I have do this on a regular basis. I don't know why we do it...probably has something to do with not being able to display your emotions public or something preachy like that.
It's good that you're acknowledging the fact that you are unhappy because the truth is not a lot of us are all the time and it's pretty unhealthy to just ignore how you feel until you just breakdown on your couch one afternoon. Just know you're not alone. Talk to people about it too, you may be surprised at what you find out.
Thanks, I think I needed to hear this today. Getting so wrapped up in my own head, and so tired of "faking it" around others, it's easy to forget that even though others might feel normal, they have their struggles too. Feeling this way is incredibly challenging, and it's hard for others to understand. But that being said, being honest about how you feel can help, especially to feel less alone in the struggle. My thoughts go out to you all.
