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defeated1
326 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts22 Forum posts21 Forum upvotes30 Current upvotes30 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceJanuary 4, 2015
Recent forum posts
Everything I NEVER wanted!!!!!
Depression Support / by defeated1
Last post
 March 24th, 2015
...See more I always had a view of getting older and how my life might play out I always said if I had to live with certian issues it would not be worth living and now that I am facing some of them I belive it more and more.   I wanted to be able to be an able bodied person as I was always active in my life working physically demanding jobs and excelling at them and now all of that is gone I had a serious disc rupture and now I have nerve damage with loss of function in my left leg and pain and numbness in both legs at the moment I am forced to walk with a cane but later it will be a scoter or wheelchair.    I wanted to be sexually active up until the day my body would not let that happen anymore now I am still able you see but my wife over a year ago due to physical issues has stopped all sexual activity or attraction its kinda like having a wonderful kitchen and no food.   I had always heard of couples sleeping in seperate bedrooms and I siad I am never going to let that happen but guess what with all of the moving I have to do bacause of my legs and the fact that I have to use a cpap and sometimes it gets loud and keeps my wife of I get to have my own room.  The hardest thing in life for me is being alone and now I am forced to spend most of my days because she has to work so much because I can not and now my nights alone.   So who wants to tell me that there is so much for me to look forward to.  I can be alone and not mobile and nobodies burden in a box in the ground.
Why should I care
Depression Support / by defeated1
Last post
 January 24th, 2015
...See more I am at a point that I just don't care anymore I am quite depressed and feeling hopeless.  I fail to see why I should care about what happens to me I just don't see a good reason to.  I do still take my depression meds cause other wise I would just sit and cry all day but as far as my other meds blood pressure, cholesterol, and my pre diabiaties meds I have stopped them and I dont see a reason to care.  All of these meds are to keep things under control in the future and I am sure there is much of that for me.
Alone Together
Journals & Diaries / by defeated1
Last post
 December 12th, 2016
...See more Alone Together Laying in the darkness stillness all around Loneliness and rejection abound Listening to her breath deep in slumber A longing to reach out and touch her Knowing that my touch stirs nothing deep inside As tears fill my eyes my mind on another depressive ride To her love I am but a slave A look of passion just a spark is what I crave But alas another night goes by Inches from my love I lay defeated and cry It may not be very good but it's real and how I feel
Tough Crowd
Depression Support / by defeated1
Last post
 January 30th, 2015
...See more Did you hear the one about the funny guy that....... He Cried alot and hid his anguish behind a joke. He was always quick witted and could make people laugh without even trying he was the life of the party and from what you could see he was the happiest guy around. You probably are thinking Robin Williams but no its me nothing made me smile more than making others laugh and smile it gives you a sense of belonging but what most dont know many of the jokes are to hide the pain. But there comes a time when the pain outweighs the smiles and you have nothing and your faced with reality that no matter how many you make laugh you are chained to the anvil that gets very hard to drag around. When you can not make yourself laugh any more all you want is that final curtain to drop.
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