Tips on accepting the inevitable?
Just hoping someone may be able to share tips on acceptance. I feel like I'm trying to do reality checking and self talk reflective of a physically terminal situation. But I cannot accept it yet. Am I supposed to? That there's just no real treatment or cure, that the hope is for slow demise? That I will never feel better than I do today-and today feels awful. I try to be positive but I'm not there. I'm mad, frustrated, sad, agitated, confused, not ready for all this. I feel like my depression would improve if I could actually accept what is happening and wrap my head around this. I promised two people I wouldn't end things and will "fight til the end". Can anyone relate?
@DeeHopeful at moment I'm not the best person to advise on acceptance aa I feel more like in the giving in phase. And am resisting any of the things I knew helped me in past...
However last year I had been trying therapy focusing on self compassion. Have you ever tried?
Last week I actually listened to one of the meditations by Tara Brach if you wish to look her up for an idea of self compassion. I still am far away from loving myself but I recall some of the practices were helpful when I was not being too stubborn.
Having said that... Do no try too hard at figuring this out all at one go. Its a lot to take in. Grief is involved as we bid Farewell to parts of us in the process of illness. And grief has no time frame. Allow yourself to grieve.
I'm. Not religious but some concepts of Buddhism can be very reassuring when it comes to acceptance.
@anonyLemon4233 Thank you again for your time and insights. The thing that sticks out to me most in this reply is that grief has no time frame. I'm going to mull on that for a bit. I think I've been battling with that and didn't recognize it-trying to force that part. Thank you. And I'll check out the meditation you recommended. I have no ego in thinking I have anything figured out and am open and appreciative to your thoughtful suggestions. I have a feeling from what you said about working on self compassion and how supportive you've been to me in such a short while- that you may have an easier time extending care to others than yourself? Isn't it ironic that we can care for others' suffering while battling and flailing in our own? How can I support you today? I wish I could share some light with you. Thank you again, I am lifted when humanity shows up in people.
@DeeHopeful being patient with yourself is not easy...
Yes in my case I always found it more natural to care for others. Probably since I was a child and felt I had to protect my mother so that I think explains why I now feel way older than her... And she says she feels young @83!
I always fought for the protection of nature and wildlife and animal rights but found it hard to do the same for me. Whatever cause I take up I end up burnt-out and now I feel disengaged from everything as am self absorbed by this darkness.
Yes indeed now in my mid 40s I realise what true wisdom is and what is most invaluable to learn.. Self acceptance. Why were we never taught these vital things when we were young? It seems weird to me we were never explained the basics of life and self love.
May you experience a peaceful meditation if you try it out
@anonyLemon4233 I did one of her mediations called Letting Go and it was actually very relaxing and relevant after I let myself fall into it. I'm going to use it again because I want to do the work to push through. Care taking as a child definitely turns roles upside down and during early development I think that always changes the course of who we become. I'm sorry that you had that role in your family, but how strong you must've been to take that on! Flashing forward to now as we hit middle age-how do we heal the child while managing adult realities? You have an excellent observation in that self love and acceptance aren't taught. I really don't think it's too late. I don't. I think though that there are immense struggles playing catch up but you're still here despite it all! I wonder if the burn out effect and darkness are almost an unconscious way of life halting course to force healing? That may sound too "out there", but if we don't know how to love and accept ourselves on our own-maybe something is trying to pause everything so we can't expend energy on anything else? You have a heart for animals and nature..the capacity is already there! Since your last episode do you notice new triggers or anything different about your symptoms?
@DeeHopeful glad you found it relaxing!
You sound very determined.
Healing the child while middle aged is an important reflection. Occasionally I thought I was managing but then darkness just engulfs everything and brings an amnesia of anything good.
Your insight into depression forcing us to focus on ourselves is very interesting. At times I would feel it stems from self hatred but occasionally I do question what it wants me to learn or unlearn.
I can never decided whether I want to fight the darkness or befriend it.i go through different stages.
As to triggers am not sure. Sometimes I start to believe they're not even needed. As it felt more like it remained in background since last episode and was just getting heavier each day showing me more painfully how I've lost interest in everything and I feel dull inside.
If I were to find a trigger I could think of a few but not sure if it is helpful anymore.
@anonyLemon4233 I can very much relate to both fighting and befriending depression /darkness. When mine returned it was so familiar and though I hate it, I recognize it and know how to coexist with it. Then I started reflecting on how unhealthy that is for me. Like embracing an abuser. But if it's what we know and it never really leaves can we really fight it? I feel like this app and engaging with you is making me think a lot. Just a few days ago the logic of ending everything made absolute sense to me. I just didn't have the energy to try to wrap my head around depression again dealing with an illness that threatens to drop me at any point anyways. I really don't want to deal with it again. Feeling dull inside is really painful, I'm really sorry you're living with that. If it feels like fighting it is too much today or for the next however many days give yourself grace to just feel awful. Self soothing is something we don't learn either when we have adult responsibilities in childhood. Hope you have restful, healing sleep. Thank you again for your support and sharing.
@DeeHopeful this is the most meaningful chat I've had in ages. Thank you for your presence.
Despite your suffering you are sending over some light... I'm guessing we are geographically far away so that can only mean one thing... You have some very bright powerful light within! Thank you for this human touch.
I will listen to a sleep meditation and wish you gentle soothing moments throughout
@anonyLemon4233 This has been really great when nothing was feeling great at all. I thank you. I can feel your suffering from what is probably geographically distant as you say- but you have given me a gift I didn't know was possible in the midst of your own pain. You share light and support freely and you haven't hesitated to help a stranger which actually makes my heart want to burst with gratitude. Please don't take this as false positivity but there's a reason you're still here.