Suicidal thoughts haunting me; eternal sadness :((((

Thanks for replying. The thing is, I made peace with my friends and they think I've got over it. But I haven't. Where I live, it's impossible to make any new friends. I trusted these friends and they bring me to the harsh reality that I deserve misery. They care about me now, but I don't believe it. My feelings are hurt in a massive way. I'm not getting over it despite making some peace with them.

I still think that people do all this to me when I'm always nice, simply because I'm a worthless piece of crap designed to help others, but doesn't deserve any help. I didn't want anyone's moral support. I just wanted my friends to co-operate with my recovery process and they kinda fuck me up mentally and physically. And emotionally too. Like, am I not human? I have no rights to feelings? Or what did I ever do to deserve to being pushed into the asylum of suicidal thoughts?

The simple answer is worthlessness and that nobody ever really liked me.

Have you ever tried not thinking? I know this sounds silly, but when the thoughts. Rush around in your head like a whirlpool of blackness and you feel your inner self drowning in it, let go and close your eyes and let yourself sink into the blackness of the waters, focus on your breathing and still the waters of your mind. Just be, float within yourself and see where you go.

Simply not possible with what I go through. I'm usually in a headache or something. I mean, it's simply not possible get over my emotions and stop crying. No, I can't stop thinking. I tried many times, but I know I get back to square one after an hour or so of trying to not think. No, just no. I appreciate the advice, really I do but it doesn't work.

I'm sorry to hear you're dealing with depression. It's not an easy thing to deal with and often people seem so lost and hopeless. It's hard to reach out for help because you don't even know if it's worth it. You're not alone. Don't act upon suicidal thoughts and don't harm yourself in any way. You can get through this. Most people don't even know how to put how they're feeling into words. If you ever need to talk to someone, feel free to send me a message. I know how exhausting and challenging depression can be.

Thanks for the help and encouragement. But I've been saying this to myself that I can get through this since a long time. In any ailment, I can get through it, usually. But in this, all that willpower to get through it has been destroyed. The willpower which one uses to get through other ailments, just doesn't simply work in depression because depression drains out any mental or emotional strength you might be having. It's frustrating that everyone says I'll be better but then things only get worse. My friends rendered me a crying pile of humanity even after I warned them about my suicidal thoughts. Nobody really cares if I die or not. I wasn't asking for any help, I was just telling them to not do anything that might worsen my condition and they couldn't even do that. They beat me up in every aspect with the main aspect being emotional. I don't think I would have ever done this to anyone, why do they hurt my feelings(and privates) like this?

What conclusion could I form from this? That the friends that I trust and was loyal towards, don't care if a joke beatdown renders me suicidal and dead? Here's the thing, they never really thought I was clinically depressed. Why? Because I'm never ailing or hurting from anything. That must mean I'm superhuman and can take any amount of abuse. Ffs, I have feelings too. They didn't believe me because it's rare for me to fall sick or something. Like, why don't you just believe my word? They only realized until I started crying. I don't even... know what to say. It's just a horrible feeling of heartbreak.

It takes time. I never thought that the depression would lighten, but it has when I finally reached out and got help.

Those don't sound like friends. It may be hard, but you can leave those toxic friends.

I would be so lonely if I leave my friends. Right now, I have holidays and nobody of my age lives near my house. So I'm isolated and suffering alone in a room.

Well limit what you tell them. Limit your contact, and definitely speak up if they're starting to hurt you. You don't have to leave, but you need to make sure you're not getting walked all over.

Sorry you are going thru this. Sounds like you need to talk to someone. Can you go to your school counselor? Parents or your doctor? It would help a lot. And just remember, it does get better. You are not stupid. You are just depressed. Please don't hurt yourself. There are 1 800 numbers for you to call also if it gets too bad. You are young and have a beautiful life left to live.

Thanks for the kind words. I appreciate it. I have just reached an emotional meltdown at this point of my life. I'm only 16 and have went through quite a lot. I sometimes think I really don't matter, so maybe I should die. It's a really hard question, do I really matter?

I'm too shy to tell anyone about this. But people do negative things to me, like my friends. I feel so cornered and suicidal that I wouldn't even question my decision if I get the urge to suicide. I think if someone saves me when I'm insane, then good but otherwise, I might be very dangerous yet accepting towards death. I can't trust my instincts anymore. I don't want to die, but I also think that I'm worthless. I'm just looking for some answers, and sometimes, I don't even have the patience for the answers and might end up doing something fatal.

Can you do me a favor and call a hotline? Or 911 if you feel like you might hurt yourself. I was shy too at your age. I know it's so hard to be that age and have problems with school and have family problems. You are so worth living. You just need to see that for yourself.

I can't see my worth, that's the problem. And if negative things happen to me, I might even stop searching for my worth, and end up a deadman. My patience for understanding worth is running low day by day, and at this rate, I'm never going to be happy. Ever.

hey love, I feel u. I understand that u think nobody loves u but that is not true. u have your parents, grandparents or even cousins, They love u! I get depression can be a tough thing to overcome but it is possible. Now coming from experience In order for positive things to happen u must think positive honey, now I've learned that if u think negative, negative things are going to happen. Now listen depression is an emotion, no one can fully be depressed, inside a soul there is hapiness. It's all in ur mind, now u need to forget thinking about negative things, it is hard because of the world we live in but u also need to learn that there is much more to life then negativity and depression. U can find ur happiness simply surrounding URSELF with positive people, I see ur friend don't take ur depression seriously, but that's because when u guys are together they just want all of u guys to be happy and have an awesome time! but when u talk about ur depression that just makes them in a positin where they don't know how to react because they don't know what it's like. Now I am not tryin to be rude please don't take this in an offensive way but I belive in telling the truth the way it is, I think u feel so bad for URSELF u want other to feel bad with u, now I used to be like that. I felt like I had nobody, but truth is I did. I never wanted to believe people wanted to help me, but I came to realize, how are they going to help me if I don't help myself... It all comes down to u thinking positive, surrounding yourself with bomb a** people and having an open mind. We are a community here and we love one another, so u are very brave to post this! we love u and if u need any help try getting in touch with me cause I was right in ur shoes and I over came it. love u!

Thanks a lot for reading my story which is only the recent part. The actual thing, my god, is too long. I was crying and my legs were shaking while typing all that, for some reason.

I love you all, too. You're all awesome people.

Thanks. I guess as long as my depression persists, I'm gonna deny positivity. It's a natural tendency in depression to think of yourself as losers and worthless. I hope one day something makes me think otherwise. But nah, I really don't live in hopes. If hoping treated people, then I would be a very happy individual. People always find ways to make me miserable. That's not my fault, but during depression I still blame myself for some reason. It just happens that you think you're being victimized because you're worthless, even when you're not. I really don't know if I'm important, but I'm just assuming that I am important in some capacity, so as to convince myself to not suicide when my thoughts are at their peak.