Struggling - New to this
Hey,
So, I'm new to the forum part of 7 cups, really. I had been on it many years ago, like 4 or 5 but even then was rarely so I'd consider myself new here, I guess.
I'm trying a new thing where I become more active in the forums in hopes this will help me a bit more. The group chats have been fine, some people within have been even better and so this isn't on anyone, just how I feel in myself. This post may or may not be a bit chaotic, so I apologise in advance.
I'm noticing that I am snapping more and more at my friend recently which really isn't fair on them. Yeah, we have our disputes but none deserved the reactions I gave and it just makes me feel really *** about myself. I can feel myself spiraling again and I'm not sure how I'm going to react sometimes which does scare me a bit. Feel like I don't know myself and that I keep losing more and more time to find myself. I'm already stuck on what to say, I know I want to say things but I struggle to sift through and figure out what it is I want to say. I'm just typing as I think.
There is so much that needs to change and that I can change and yet I fail to do them, make them happen which makes me feel even worse about myself. Such as finding better jobs, even learning new skills so I can find better jobs and sorting the mess that is my room. But I take one look at my room or have one thought about the others and it sends me into a panic, I freeze up, shut down and don't do any of it. I hate that I'm like this. I've only myself to blame for this. I know all the above would help my mental health, 100% for a fact and yet, I do *** all to change things, change myself and do them.
I don't know if mix between the communities are allowed so, I will be making various posts amongst several communities and just hope that's okay. There is so much more I want to say, I'm just struggling to form clear thoughts to be able to express well.
I had a very similar situation, including kinda being on here many years ago and never again until today. Also, almost a year ago I turned in my 2 weeks to my work. Soon after I started trying to distance myself from my friends. (They refused to accept that which I am forever thankful for.)
A few months later, October 9th-November 17th of which had been spent in and out of the ICU because of how bad my appendix got before it burst, (Also no pain at all till it burst). Then it burst both physically and emotionally and I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Rock, meet, bottom.
Thats my long way of saying if you ever need someone to talk to (you would like a response”, or rant to (you would not like a response), hopefully we can talk to each other so you can contact me.
@ShadowWolf199
I'm glad your friends didn't give up on you and didn't just let you drift away, they sound amazing. As for the ICU, I'm so sorry that happened, that must've been a scary and exhausting experience to go through. It sucks you didn't have any support through that but hope you realise 7 cups community is here where others may not be. I appreciate the reply and the offer. As for contact, members can't contact other members via DMs but I am here for you too. I'm still trying to find my way through the forums and get used to the layout.
You are in a good place to sort through all of your emotions. This spot works a bit slower than the rooms, but it does work well and you get lots of individual attention to talk through stuff.
If you want to post on this thread once a day to say how things are going, then I will respond to it once a day.
It sounds like right now you are processing lots of guilt about lots of stuff so the pile seems too huge to manage. When I get like that I find that focusing on just one thing really helps. Then I really praise myself when I work on that one thing. Even cleaning part of your room is a start and it is enough.@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
Yeah, people have talked about the forums in the past saying sometimes it takes the edge off of otherwise busy and overwhelming group chat rooms.
I really appreciate that, thank you so much! I'm not sure I'd post daily but we'll see. Thank you again. Do you have to keep new threads to a minimum or something? So, like, one thread about depression and everything goes into that one thread?
I do try to focus on one thing but I still find it such a struggle. I am using an app that sometimes helps but most days it is all about just trying to get through the day atm. I make a lot of lists and have found that instead of writing everything that needs doing, I just need to write 3 small things and try to make sure one important task is amongst those 3 but I haven't been doing that lately. I do it with my room too. So, I'd make the tasks at hand as small as possible so when I read it, it doesn't seem so huge and when it does help, I then am able to do some of my room freely but then I lose momentum and I get into a room cleaning slump for the next year or so and then it feels like there was no point because my room gets in a bad mess just days after cleaning some of it.
You can create as many threads as you want. It is just easier for me to find you if you add to the same one. I get a message every time someone responds to something I said so I keep track of those rather than looking for new ones all that often.
That sounds like a great system that you have for trying to accomplish things. I think the key to a system like that is giving yourself tons of grace. It isn't that you need to cross off everything every day to feel like you accomplished something. You have to train your brain to really believe that what you did accomplish is enough. Because it really is. You aren't looking for perfection. You are looking for "good enough" and "I know things are tough right now so anything that I do is a great thing" and "the pile is getting smaller even with little stuff". @MusicLeigh
How were things today?@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
I appreciate all the above, yeah, positive affirmations is something I know I need to work on, it's just a struggle to do so. That's why I only put 3 things on the list at a time, so that I don't feel so overwhelmed and that even if I did only do 1 task on that list, I've done a 3rd of that list already.
Sorry I hadn't replied in the last couple days, things have been rough, ngl. I am spiraling, I know I am and I'm just trying to stay afloat atm. It doesn't help that hormones go haywire and I'm in constant pain too and worrying about family. My nan has gone to hospital for suspected appendicitis today, so I'm waiting for updates on that. Got a lot of anxiety going on atm too.
I had a wellbeing phone call yesterday with the place I'm on a waiting list for and ended up crying on the phone to the person, she was absolutely lovely, she always is, thankfully. I just end up feeling silly, ashamed and embarrassed when I do cry, it sucks. Today has been an especially bad pain day for me too and so it's all just piling up and I am starting to wonder if I will relapse with selfharm after over 2 years of being clean.
@MusicLeigh
Welcome and i think that you articulated your feelings and what is going on for you very clearly. I hope that you find lots of support here and that people are kind. I just get a sense that you are very hard on yourself and setting tough standards for yourself. You are more than enough as you are. You are unique and special and a one of. No one else will be aware of the flaws that you are beating yourself up about. It is ok and it is right....to be yourself. I have taken a long time to realise, that i'm a messed up disaster zone, but you know what ?? I'm now ok with that. Because we are all vulnerable and struggling to hide our flaws from one another. It takes a really brave person to say...well, here i am and this is who i am. And truly...you are special as you are. It may be a cliche, but please treat yourself with the care and the kindness that you would give to a friend.
You are enough exactly as you are. Big hugs xxx
Big hugs, right back at you xxx
Warning: I feel like this is so cringe, I don't know why (it might just be my Anxiety). But, it feels good to finally vent, though and talk to someone who I actually relate to.
Honestly, I relate to this. I am silently snapping at my "friend" (I could hardly call her a "friend"). I know that I need to change (more like want) and I know that I can change if I really wanted to. I try, but I can't. And then here comes the thought about what people will think about me. I do freeze up, (I have bad Anxiety) and maybe even cry. But at the end of the day, I don't do anything. I don't change, I don't get rid of my toxic friend, I don't get my mental health in check, etc. All of this has eventually leaded to Depression, but I put on a happy face and people think I'm all good. Spoiler alert, not even close. So... yeah. I relate to you and feel your pain. I know what you're going through.
P.S. My Depression and Anxiety got so bad that I started looking up anonymous chats online so I could vent; I'm so glad I found 7 Cups in the process.
@DreamyClouds2912
It's not cringy, don't worry. I'm sorry you're struggling with it too but glad you feel safe enough here to share.
I'm right there with you. Know all these things that'll help and yet do none of it and it does make me feel so much worse about myself.
Depression and Anxiety really do go hand in hand, more often than not. I've been dealing with both at a young age and it is exhausting to do so. I'm glad you managed to find a place to be able to vent on, 7cups has produced some amazing people I've found.
@MusicLeigh
You are dealing with a lot. Some of the emotions you express may not be conscious, but rather responses to stress and how those situations might induce anxiety. That's completely alright, so just remember to compartmentalize everything so that it doesn't feel like one massive burden. Maybe you're thinking about how to improve, but don't know exactly where to start. It is not really possible to improve without having some plan about what we want to do first. That will at least help with finding direction. I believe it's good that you went on here to express these thoughts, and I'm sure that you'll find some great help about how to deal with these stressors. Just remember that you're human and are dealing with organizing everything. It is not an easy thing, so please be patient.
@MetaMetaPhysics
I really appreciate this, thank you! Yeah, I know what I want to do, what I need to do and yet, I look at or think about the task ahead and just go blank and get mental paralysis. Or I make a list, start on it and get some rhythm but then it quickly dissipates because I feel completely drained by doing so much at once (even if it actually isn't a lot, it feels it).
@MusicLeigh
Welcome back to 7cups! I'm glad you're reaching out in our community and seeking support. It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated with yourself for snapping at your friend and for not being able to make the changes you desire. It's important to acknowledge these feelings and take steps to repair and improve the situation. Some find having an open and honest conversation with your friend, apologizing for your reactions, and expressing your desire to work on your responses. Communication and understanding can go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.
When I feel uncertain about my approach I remind myself that personal growth comes with patience and self-compassion. Change takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks along the way. Some also find it helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor.
As for posting in various communities, it's generally fine to share your thoughts and seek support across different platforms as long as it aligns with the respective community guidelines. Each community may have its own rules, so it's a good idea to review them before posting.
You're taking important steps by reaching out and seeking support, and that's a positive sign of self-care and growth. Keep exploring different avenues that work for you, and know that you're not alone on this journey.
@Faelistenstoo
Hey, thank you so much! I have has numerous conversations with said friend, tried to explain myself, apologised and we both kind of just listened to each other and talked through it.
In the end, after they said something else that annoyed me, instead of saying anything, I ended up going silent for a couple days. Until they said they were worried. So I apologised for worrying them, explained that I essentially "can't people" right now and need my space because I can feel myself being on a short fuse and wanting to snap at literally anything and everything...anyone and everyone. And it isn't fair on those who I might end up snapping at and saying stuff I'd later regret. But this is what I do. When I find someone has become a bit overwhelming for me whether it actually them or just me on a short fuse, I end up just shutting down and going silent to try prevent myself from snapping at anyone.
