Struggling - New to this
Hey,
So, I'm new to the forum part of 7 cups, really. I had been on it many years ago, like 4 or 5 but even then was rarely so I'd consider myself new here, I guess.
I'm trying a new thing where I become more active in the forums in hopes this will help me a bit more. The group chats have been fine, some people within have been even better and so this isn't on anyone, just how I feel in myself. This post may or may not be a bit chaotic, so I apologise in advance.
I'm noticing that I am snapping more and more at my friend recently which really isn't fair on them. Yeah, we have our disputes but none deserved the reactions I gave and it just makes me feel really *** about myself. I can feel myself spiraling again and I'm not sure how I'm going to react sometimes which does scare me a bit. Feel like I don't know myself and that I keep losing more and more time to find myself. I'm already stuck on what to say, I know I want to say things but I struggle to sift through and figure out what it is I want to say. I'm just typing as I think.
There is so much that needs to change and that I can change and yet I fail to do them, make them happen which makes me feel even worse about myself. Such as finding better jobs, even learning new skills so I can find better jobs and sorting the mess that is my room. But I take one look at my room or have one thought about the others and it sends me into a panic, I freeze up, shut down and don't do any of it. I hate that I'm like this. I've only myself to blame for this. I know all the above would help my mental health, 100% for a fact and yet, I do *** all to change things, change myself and do them.
I don't know if mix between the communities are allowed so, I will be making various posts amongst several communities and just hope that's okay. There is so much more I want to say, I'm just struggling to form clear thoughts to be able to express well.
I had a very similar situation, including kinda being on here many years ago and never again until today. Also, almost a year ago I turned in my 2 weeks to my work. Soon after I started trying to distance myself from my friends. (They refused to accept that which I am forever thankful for.)
A few months later, October 9th-November 17th of which had been spent in and out of the ICU because of how bad my appendix got before it burst, (Also no pain at all till it burst). Then it burst both physically and emotionally and I didn’t have anyone to talk to. Rock, meet, bottom.
Thats my long way of saying if you ever need someone to talk to (you would like a response”, or rant to (you would not like a response), hopefully we can talk to each other so you can contact me.
@ShadowWolf199
I'm glad your friends didn't give up on you and didn't just let you drift away, they sound amazing. As for the ICU, I'm so sorry that happened, that must've been a scary and exhausting experience to go through. It sucks you didn't have any support through that but hope you realise 7 cups community is here where others may not be. I appreciate the reply and the offer. As for contact, members can't contact other members via DMs but I am here for you too. I'm still trying to find my way through the forums and get used to the layout.
You are in a good place to sort through all of your emotions. This spot works a bit slower than the rooms, but it does work well and you get lots of individual attention to talk through stuff.
If you want to post on this thread once a day to say how things are going, then I will respond to it once a day.
It sounds like right now you are processing lots of guilt about lots of stuff so the pile seems too huge to manage. When I get like that I find that focusing on just one thing really helps. Then I really praise myself when I work on that one thing. Even cleaning part of your room is a start and it is enough.@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
Yeah, people have talked about the forums in the past saying sometimes it takes the edge off of otherwise busy and overwhelming group chat rooms.
I really appreciate that, thank you so much! I'm not sure I'd post daily but we'll see. Thank you again. Do you have to keep new threads to a minimum or something? So, like, one thread about depression and everything goes into that one thread?
I do try to focus on one thing but I still find it such a struggle. I am using an app that sometimes helps but most days it is all about just trying to get through the day atm. I make a lot of lists and have found that instead of writing everything that needs doing, I just need to write 3 small things and try to make sure one important task is amongst those 3 but I haven't been doing that lately. I do it with my room too. So, I'd make the tasks at hand as small as possible so when I read it, it doesn't seem so huge and when it does help, I then am able to do some of my room freely but then I lose momentum and I get into a room cleaning slump for the next year or so and then it feels like there was no point because my room gets in a bad mess just days after cleaning some of it.
You can create as many threads as you want. It is just easier for me to find you if you add to the same one. I get a message every time someone responds to something I said so I keep track of those rather than looking for new ones all that often.
That sounds like a great system that you have for trying to accomplish things. I think the key to a system like that is giving yourself tons of grace. It isn't that you need to cross off everything every day to feel like you accomplished something. You have to train your brain to really believe that what you did accomplish is enough. Because it really is. You aren't looking for perfection. You are looking for "good enough" and "I know things are tough right now so anything that I do is a great thing" and "the pile is getting smaller even with little stuff". @MusicLeigh
How were things today?@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
I appreciate all the above, yeah, positive affirmations is something I know I need to work on, it's just a struggle to do so. That's why I only put 3 things on the list at a time, so that I don't feel so overwhelmed and that even if I did only do 1 task on that list, I've done a 3rd of that list already.
Sorry I hadn't replied in the last couple days, things have been rough, ngl. I am spiraling, I know I am and I'm just trying to stay afloat atm. It doesn't help that hormones go haywire and I'm in constant pain too and worrying about family. My nan has gone to hospital for suspected appendicitis today, so I'm waiting for updates on that. Got a lot of anxiety going on atm too.
I had a wellbeing phone call yesterday with the place I'm on a waiting list for and ended up crying on the phone to the person, she was absolutely lovely, she always is, thankfully. I just end up feeling silly, ashamed and embarrassed when I do cry, it sucks. Today has been an especially bad pain day for me too and so it's all just piling up and I am starting to wonder if I will relapse with selfharm after over 2 years of being clean.
It is okay. You are going to be okay too. I have been where you are at and can feel how hard you are struggling. I too have been self harm free for a while but that doesn't mean that self hard ideation doesn't come up in my brain on occasion. You are doing a great job in trying to manage things in creating lists.
Add here when you can and feel free to take days off when you need them. It can be hard when that family stress adds up on top of everything else.
It is also good to cry. Getting all of those emotions that are in your head out is really hard, but it makes you feel better a few hours or even a few days later.
It is so frustrating that sometimes if feels like you aren't getting anywhere. But that progress is usually happening anyway.
Anyone whom I have been in contact with more than once, as I said before, I usually get back to in 24 hours. However, I am going to be away for just a few days. I still usually can get to my posts but every so often I miss a day. Keep posting, but if it takes me an extra day or so, know that it has nothing to do with you. I am interested in being friendly and continuing to support you.
You deserve lots of support and all the best that the world has to offer. @MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
I appreciate all of this so much, thank you.
My results ended up being mostly okay, the thing that I was really freaked about was actually all good.
Yeah, seems like all I'm doing atm is crying and it's exhausting, draining, frustrating and embarrassing. I hate crying. It gives me such a headache afterwards.
Okie dokie, that's fine. No rush. I don't expect immediate responses on the forums, it is a big place, thank you though. I do hope you enjoy your few days away.
Today has been another *** day, mainly due to my nan but I'm too tired to get into it now. I contacted Samaritans again too, so I'm emailing them as well as posting here. Which makes me feel weird and bad because I feel like I'm hogging space but I need to get it out and out again. I keep repeating myself but it's a lot of the same *** that is constantly on my mind and making me feel so crap.
I am glad to finally say that I am back! I apologize for missing so much. This is the first time in about 8 years of getting on 7 Cups that I have missed more than 2 nights in a row, I think. But trying to simultaneously grade like a madwoman and be on "vacation" was a bit too much for anything else.
The grading will continue for at least another week and a half, but we are now back home so I can get more done. The graduation went fine and we had a good opportunity to use a little bit of time to explore a national park and get out on Lake Erie. Lots and lots of walking that I didn't think I could do, but I did. It was also nice to see family.
I am sorry to hear that your struggles continue a bit. Never apologize though if things continue to be rough and you feel like you are repeating yourself. You aren't. You are slowly figuring out a path forward even if you can't see it. I know how frustrating it all is, but you can do this. @MusicLeigh@bestVase7265
Never apologise for having time away, you're allowed time away from this site and to be in the moment with loved ones. You're all good! I'm glad you had a great time, sounds like it was a beautiful time.
And thank you. Ended up in a bit of a shutdown(?). I'd come on here and vent to group chats and then suddenly leave again often and I feel bad. I'm not usually one to shove myself in a group, yap away and then leave, I try to support as much as I can but I have been struggled with shutdown. I find I am very easily agitated atm and have told my friend I essentially "can't people" right now. Things are a bit much.
Now, if you tell me not to apologize for taking a break then you can't apologize for stepping back sometimes either.
It is just fine if you need downtime. You deserve the chance to recharge. Don't feel guilty about it either in real life or here.
What kinds of things are you doing to care for yourself?@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
I hope you tell yourself that too and look after yourself!
My main go-tos right now is hot water bottle application when I get pain flares buy in regards to mental self-care, I mainly read to escape reality or I watch comfort movies/shows whilst I copy down electronic book comments down onto paper.
It is great that you are seeing both reading and watching shows as forms of self-care. They are indeed not something to feel guilty about because they allow your mind to rest.
Do you get outside at all? @MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
I rarely do so. I did try going for walks daily but that quickly ended after like...2 days, lol. The outside is a scary place and I'm always riddled with anxiety when I am out. Now that the warmer weather is here and we have a new patio set, I may sit outside to read from time to time but idk yet.
I did also start doing exercises in our backgarden to get air and fit at the same time but that didn't last either. Because I ended up in severe pain. So I am working on trying to find exercises that don't make my body feel on fire days after and prevent me from doing daily tasks.
Take it a step at a time and focus on what is doable. Exercise may be too much but reading outside in your backyard would be awesome. Even 15 minutes a day really helps if you can make it every day (or nearly every day). It will allow you to get comfortable outdoors in your own space. That will lessen the anxiety. It really can transform how you see the world.@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
Yeah, I completely agree with you! And I will be trying to do so. I'm also trying to not get bitten right now. 😅 I've finally started working again and I've come back from work with like 5-7 extra bites on me. I get bitten so much in the heat, it's horrible. Ontop of hay-fever allergies (which tbf isn't bad) - my mains are sneezing and itchy eyes and skin.
I've taken up another hobby too which is going to act as another self-care/relaxation activity too. So, I'm slowly getting there. But I am still procrastinating doing anything in my room. And I have quickly found that this new job may not be as suited to me as I first thought. So, idk what to do there.
I hope you are doing well!
I am doing fine.
Sorry that this time of year brings out the bugs. Bug spray can help, but they aren't fun. Hopefully the next few days will be less buggy.
And it is great that you are trying a new self-care activity. What are you thinking of trying?
The room can be a challenge. I hate cleaning myself. Sometimes when I do just a little bit though it makes it less overwhelming.
How long have you had the new job? Sometimes it can be a little hard to tell how they are going to go at first.@MusicLeigh
@bestVase7265
Glad to hear you're doing okay!
I'm taking antihistamines and applying savlon cream to try and help.
I've taken up Diamond Art. I started my first picture on the 2nd and I'm almost finished already! I really enjoy it.
Yeah, I really need to start doing some of it. I think instead of worrying about selling stuff, I just need to donate all of it to a charity regardless or something. Because figuring all that out is partly why I'm struggling so much, I think.
I only started it this week. I did just over 2 hrs on Monday and 2hrs yesterday. The reason why I don't think it is suited for me is because after only 2 days, my chronic pain has flared up quite a bit. I'm in a lot of pain because of yesterday's work. Standing/walking too long makes my chronic pain flare.
Tell me more about the Diamond art. That sounds interesting and sparkly. I don't know much about it though.
When I am trying to get rid of stuff, if I can just get a bag a day by the front door then that is progress. Donating is easier to manage than selling.
I can imagine that the chronic pain might flair a bit on your feet. How many days in a row do you have to work? You might find that you can train your body to handle those hours if you have enough time to rest in between. @MusicLeigh
That happens with me too. If I think that it might lose what I have written then I do a quick copy of it before posting and then I can paste it without having to retype. I also do it on the computer rather than the app.
But I know how frustrating it is. @MusicLeigh
@MusicLeigh
Welcome and i think that you articulated your feelings and what is going on for you very clearly. I hope that you find lots of support here and that people are kind. I just get a sense that you are very hard on yourself and setting tough standards for yourself. You are more than enough as you are. You are unique and special and a one of. No one else will be aware of the flaws that you are beating yourself up about. It is ok and it is right....to be yourself. I have taken a long time to realise, that i'm a messed up disaster zone, but you know what ?? I'm now ok with that. Because we are all vulnerable and struggling to hide our flaws from one another. It takes a really brave person to say...well, here i am and this is who i am. And truly...you are special as you are. It may be a cliche, but please treat yourself with the care and the kindness that you would give to a friend.
You are enough exactly as you are. Big hugs xxx
Big hugs, right back at you xxx
Warning: I feel like this is so cringe, I don't know why (it might just be my Anxiety). But, it feels good to finally vent, though and talk to someone who I actually relate to.
Honestly, I relate to this. I am silently snapping at my "friend" (I could hardly call her a "friend"). I know that I need to change (more like want) and I know that I can change if I really wanted to. I try, but I can't. And then here comes the thought about what people will think about me. I do freeze up, (I have bad Anxiety) and maybe even cry. But at the end of the day, I don't do anything. I don't change, I don't get rid of my toxic friend, I don't get my mental health in check, etc. All of this has eventually leaded to Depression, but I put on a happy face and people think I'm all good. Spoiler alert, not even close. So... yeah. I relate to you and feel your pain. I know what you're going through.
P.S. My Depression and Anxiety got so bad that I started looking up anonymous chats online so I could vent; I'm so glad I found 7 Cups in the process.
@DreamyClouds2912
It's not cringy, don't worry. I'm sorry you're struggling with it too but glad you feel safe enough here to share.
I'm right there with you. Know all these things that'll help and yet do none of it and it does make me feel so much worse about myself.
Depression and Anxiety really do go hand in hand, more often than not. I've been dealing with both at a young age and it is exhausting to do so. I'm glad you managed to find a place to be able to vent on, 7cups has produced some amazing people I've found.
@MusicLeigh
You are dealing with a lot. Some of the emotions you express may not be conscious, but rather responses to stress and how those situations might induce anxiety. That's completely alright, so just remember to compartmentalize everything so that it doesn't feel like one massive burden. Maybe you're thinking about how to improve, but don't know exactly where to start. It is not really possible to improve without having some plan about what we want to do first. That will at least help with finding direction. I believe it's good that you went on here to express these thoughts, and I'm sure that you'll find some great help about how to deal with these stressors. Just remember that you're human and are dealing with organizing everything. It is not an easy thing, so please be patient.
@MetaMetaPhysics
I really appreciate this, thank you! Yeah, I know what I want to do, what I need to do and yet, I look at or think about the task ahead and just go blank and get mental paralysis. Or I make a list, start on it and get some rhythm but then it quickly dissipates because I feel completely drained by doing so much at once (even if it actually isn't a lot, it feels it).
@MusicLeigh
Welcome back to 7cups! I'm glad you're reaching out in our community and seeking support. It's understandable that you're feeling frustrated with yourself for snapping at your friend and for not being able to make the changes you desire. It's important to acknowledge these feelings and take steps to repair and improve the situation. Some find having an open and honest conversation with your friend, apologizing for your reactions, and expressing your desire to work on your responses. Communication and understanding can go a long way in maintaining healthy relationships.
When I feel uncertain about my approach I remind myself that personal growth comes with patience and self-compassion. Change takes time, and it's okay to have setbacks along the way. Some also find it helpful to seek support from a therapist or counselor.
As for posting in various communities, it's generally fine to share your thoughts and seek support across different platforms as long as it aligns with the respective community guidelines. Each community may have its own rules, so it's a good idea to review them before posting.
You're taking important steps by reaching out and seeking support, and that's a positive sign of self-care and growth. Keep exploring different avenues that work for you, and know that you're not alone on this journey.
@Faelistenstoo
Hey, thank you so much! I have has numerous conversations with said friend, tried to explain myself, apologised and we both kind of just listened to each other and talked through it.
In the end, after they said something else that annoyed me, instead of saying anything, I ended up going silent for a couple days. Until they said they were worried. So I apologised for worrying them, explained that I essentially "can't people" right now and need my space because I can feel myself being on a short fuse and wanting to snap at literally anything and everything...anyone and everyone. And it isn't fair on those who I might end up snapping at and saying stuff I'd later regret. But this is what I do. When I find someone has become a bit overwhelming for me whether it actually them or just me on a short fuse, I end up just shutting down and going silent to try prevent myself from snapping at anyone.
