Sometimes sorry is enough. We must move forward.
Battling with depression, and possibly ADHD leaves me wanting to close in and just make everything STOP. Recently, I had yet another incident of me not showing up and doing my duty. I told someone, yes, I can help write your paper. From scratch. They gave me 5 day notice for a 10 page English paper (and yes they offered money). Day by day passed. I had notes of what I wanted it to be about. I had all the tabs open on the different articles, on the last day of writing. But I just felt so much like an imposter, and didn't think I could write. Writing few words at a time...I felt actual pain and didn't believe in myself. I have eczema too and just scratching my hands over and over gave me something to keep my mind on instead of how "important" this paper is. I got out of my chair, doing some walking, and it's just my mind was unable to focus on doing the writing, step by step.
Hours passed and it was finally nearing deadline. I went ahead and sent it (with gaps in paragraphs, being unfinished) to the "client" and got no word from him yet. Actually the person is just a mutual friend and I don't have their email so I sent it to my closer friend...in my email I said I'm sorry, I am a mentally disabled person. It was my mistake to say yes. Sooo, what are your thoughts on my explanation? Of a paper that was half the length of minimum requirement. Should I have just tried harder, maybe picture myself in his shoes and just feel ridden with guilt and never move forward? What am I supposed to feel, is my question now. If I move forward I still don't know what my boundary is and ill always just say no. I'm worried I'll always be less than, and never finish projects.
Hi @Skyy0 that sounds rather rough but you have tried your best 💜
You have tried to get started, you have tried to focus.
Have you tried any ADHD strategies to help you get started with things, to get things done, and to remember things? If yes, what had worked before?
@ouiCherie
It's such a small community! In the "support plus" to find such a small community of ADHD folks...so I feel quite isolated. I don't know any tips. I'm too shy to ask my therapist to help diagnose me; can't they? Doctors only want to get your money and they don't know you as well as therapists....but umm..I think my depression is higher than my adhd and thinking about reading books on how to cope with adhd feels daunting. I don't want to try to do "5 second rules"; I'm scared out of my mind that I won't be able to succeed. I just don't want to try
@Skyy0 understand. It's not easy. Depression is tough.
I'm glad you reached out and I'm sorry I wasn't aware of your reply sooner. You took a step forward by reaching out, I hope you found support needed here ♡
Based on your experience, how's the best way a listener can support you to overcome depression?
Take care Skyy0 ♡
@ouiCherie
Listeners haven't been with me for long term support in my experience, so I can't feel connected with them.. I'm doing the best I can, and paying for therapy (quit three before finding the one I have now. With her for 6 months), andddd I still feel guilty I'm not doing the best I can. I told her how I felt stuck and she said herself, it's fine to change therapists or change methods, but I told her I need to stick with it, and I can't believe that changing a therapist will speed up my recovery. I don't know how to see my mental illness. The way she explains it to me is that depression is something I can make smaller just by changing my thoughts. Just by having a routine, etc. So things are very hard, still, for me to understand why I would rather do nothing at all; no job and saying no to meeting old friends. I get obsessed with meeting new guys though. All I want to do with my time is dream about meeting him over and over; I met one guy and went biking and played tennis; that day I felt healthy so I think that's what has been working for me; talking with someone and just forgetting my old life and making new memories.