Sometimes I just want someone to be tough on me - can you relate?
I wonder if anyone feels the same...
When I'm depressed, feeling empty, negative and very unmotivated, sometimes I wish someone could just shake me and tell me what to do.
People around me (family and friends) often treat me with so much worry, like my depression is something that makes me weaker. I sense a little of pitty in their voices.
It only makes things worse.
Having a person being tough on me would make me feel like someone believes that I can do better.
And, specially when I'm depressed, I need this kind of belief. I can't do it alone.
At the same time, I feel it's unfair to demand specific treatments from people. I mean... they're not responsible for my depression. They're not bound to help me, it's their choice. They are free to treat me as they want/can. So I cannot expect them to be the cure for my issues. I should fix it myself.
So, this is the dilema. I don't know how to solve this. Should I try to look for a new friend who would scream encouregements at me when I need it? Or should I change myself and become less needy for external mood boosts? Should I hire a coach, like those crazy personal trainers? (just kidding, don't have the money for that)
(sorry for any writing mistakes. "english as a second language" here)
@VulnerableSoul Hi there!~ Reading this just absolutely resonated with me today. I am in the end stages of reading what i believe to be a helpful not-quite self-help book about how to get yourself motivated when you suffer from Depression. One chapter the author wrote is on how to be your own drill sergeant. She says it won't work for everybody, and to me it does sound slightly silly-- but also perhaps functional.
The book is called Get It Done When You're Depressed, written by Julie A. Fast. She mentions in this chapter that she has to tell herself, sometimes out loud, to forcefully get things done. Much in the way a military boot camp instructor might force you to act in the way he or she wants.
She is very careful to tell readers to only use the voice to provide positive statements, but to make sure the things your "drill instructor" tells you are motivational and tough things you need to hear to get moving.
Maybe something like this is what we both need in our lives instead of relying on someone outside ourselves to pressure us into doing things we wish we had the motivation to get done.
What do you think? Could this work for you with a little practice?
@ladylazarus1971hello!
Thank you for the great answer!
Yes! It makes sense and I'll try it. Acting silly on my own makes me feel funny. haha
Thank you.
@VulnerableSoul I might even try it on my own. But only when I am by myself. People already think I am nuts-- I don't need to talk to myself in public to look even nuttier! <3
@VulnerableSoul
I didn't see any English mistakes, for ESL - you write very clearly- and I'm a stickler for good grammar. But as to the problem, I think we all need different friends for different needs in our life. Some people just may be more comfortable with a nurturing attitude, but there are people who don't mind at all speaking the truth for your own good. I have some of both and honestly, I have found more people that will hold me accountable -- here. They do want to help and since they don't know me personally- so, it is easier I think to be objective. Most people just don't want to hurt your feelings on a day to day basis. I found Listeners who would challenge me, but I had to ask for that kind of help.
Try whatever you think will help, but Life coaches are expnsive, we have a lot of similar help here at 7 cups. my best to you, and Just
GET OFF YOUR DUFF AND GET BUSY !
haha