So I think I found the source (venting, don't mind me)
So I think I found the source of my depression. It's a combination of genetics, trying to grow up way too fast, seeing people die at an extreamly young age, seeing my family turn on itself, and failing to save two of my cousins from depression (one now is probably dead due to overdose while the other needs to go to a mental hospital but his father doesn't care about him). Now the problem is getting through it, because I think my depression is a very large part of me. And today is feeling especially rough since I'm really feeling the weight of 2 lives that I couldn't save on top of me today.
@John04 You had/have a lot to deal with taking from what you mentioned. I am so sorry to hear about your two cousins. I know it feels like you could have done something to save them but chances are you couldn't so don't blame yourself for not being able to save them *hugs*. Getting through depression can take time and can be extremely tough but you're way tougher. One step a day, one battle at a time. You can always connect to a listener for more support if you need it. You are not alone in this battle anymore, you have all of us there with you. I hope you feel better soon. 
Thank you all for the support
@John04 hi john I'm sure I talked to you be4 hope u well