Self Sabotage

Relationships come relatively easy for me. I'm a great, genuine guy who's a great listener and knows how to love. I met a wonderful woman a few months ago and we hit it off. She loves me so much and I love her as well. However, I do have trust issues. I know this and I've admitted such to her.

She's currently in a vacation with a couple of friends of our the country for a week and the couple of times we've talked have led to arguments. I feel like I'm jealous because I'm not there with her (this was booked before we met) and I'm still dealing with real life while she's enjoying herself. So my major depressive disorder makes me want to make her as miserable as I am, which is sad. But I know this is who I am. My mom did the same to me (and probably any man she dated) and now I'm doing the same thing to a woman that doesn't deserve it.

I'm seriously thinking about breaking things off when she gets back. I know it would break her heart but I don't want to keep putting her through this every time she goes somewhere without me for a few days. But importantly, I think I'm destined to be alone. Now I'm beginning to understand why my mom's relationships suffered. I know she pushed guys away who may have been good for her. These episodes of depression is not only a drag to the victim, but also their loved ones and I don't want my depression to drag anybody else down.