Self Sabotage
Relationships come relatively easy for me. I'm a great, genuine guy who's a great listener and knows how to love. I met a wonderful woman a few months ago and we hit it off. She loves me so much and I love her as well. However, I do have trust issues. I know this and I've admitted such to her.
She's currently in a vacation with a couple of friends of our the country for a week and the couple of times we've talked have led to arguments. I feel like I'm jealous because I'm not there with her (this was booked before we met) and I'm still dealing with real life while she's enjoying herself. So my major depressive disorder makes me want to make her as miserable as I am, which is sad. But I know this is who I am. My mom did the same to me (and probably any man she dated) and now I'm doing the same thing to a woman that doesn't deserve it.
I'm seriously thinking about breaking things off when she gets back. I know it would break her heart but I don't want to keep putting her through this every time she goes somewhere without me for a few days. But importantly, I think I'm destined to be alone. Now I'm beginning to understand why my mom's relationships suffered. I know she pushed guys away who may have been good for her. These episodes of depression is not only a drag to the victim, but also their loved ones and I don't want my depression to drag anybody else down.
@Sdnf4Iawu
It sounds like you really care for this girl. My brother went through the same thought process with his last relationship. I was so worried that he would drag her down in the relationship. We had to let him decide if he would like to give it a try and see if this relationship would be good for both of them. You are the best expert on your life and I am sure you will be able to make the best decision for you. I wish you luck and I hope you and your girl all the happiness you can have 
I am sorry that you are going through this.
I think by titleling this thread as self sabotage, you have an amazing insight into what you are currently experiencing. Given what you've gone through with your mother, it may be extremely likely that this type of behavior has been modeled to you from a very early age so its understandable that you are experiencing this. As mentioned, you are the best expert on your life and the decision to stay or leave is completly up to you. But there's a bigger issue here about the underlying behavior behind it. That's also up to you. Change is extremely hard and it's scary but it's worth it. Good luck in whatever you decide to do. If you ever want to talk, I'm here. Or you can reach out to any other listener on this site. I hope it all works out in the end. :)
