My story I guess

When I was in high school, I used to like girls and had friends. I would have trouble talking to them but they were always polite in that they didn't tell me to bugger off. I was always afraid that they secretly wanted to. I would be resentful of the fact that I wasn't popular at the high school, but I would get over it by sophmore year. By then I just became depressed about how I am probably a loser. I would fantasize about being an artist so I joined a Drama club, but this seemed worsen my depression I guess because by the second year I hit my head against the wall infront of this one girl's boyfriend. I would be afraid of girls my entire life. I became resentful of my mom for always being stressed and sometimes yelling but upon reflection it was probably because I was wanting attention, for someone to let me know that I was special, a sense of stability. My family was always financially troubled since the divorce when I was young, and my mom always had to work and barely got sleep. All this was mitigated a bit by my twin brother, who showed me nothing but love, compassion, and fun. By high school we drifted apart because of school and my depression. I went to the mental hospital three times I think. I always felt unlovable and useless. That I am defective and stupid. I want to tell my story just so that I could feel better about it all, so that I can find some meaning in it, instead of just empty suffering. Thank you to whoever reads this. Sorry for me being an idiot