My 7 Cups Dream Journal
Entry 1: The Boxes of Cats
It was a little strange but what I remember most is visiting a house that was in my old neighborhood that I’d recently moved from (it really wasn’t, so dream logic) but I came back to collect something I left or my mother left.
It was very sad and the people who were there now were sort of okay with me wandering around and looking. I kept noticing the signs that I’d once lived there (painted over places that still revealed chipped paint and stuff I recognized from my apartment).
Then I looked beneath a couch or table and found boxes full of kittens. Two boxes were full of meowing kittens in water that the new home owners had no idea were there, and one more box held a very dead cat that was an older one from a previous litter. All of the kittens were starving without their mother and I knew that it was the reason why the older one passed.
The new owners suddenly smelled the dead cat and I took it upon myself to get rid of it. When I came back an hour later all of the kittens were gone, and when I was walking past another house I could see all the kittens. They’d all grown up into adult cats!
You are right about working it through in therapy. That is the box to place it all in for now.
I hope that you had a relaxed Memorial Day. What kind of book were you reading? Did you pick up another one?
I have just started a novel called "Niccolo Rising". It has lots of names so I am still deciding how I feel about it.
Stay focused on the here and now. My moment of peace this morning was going on a very nice walk in search of some new birds. What kinds of things did you do to connect to your senses?
My therapist canceled my appointment today. I got a call from the office about it when I was halfway there. I turned around hopped on the bus so I could drop off my book. It was A Court of Thorns and Roses.
I took a walk home from the library instead of taking another bus. I’m really frustrated about not getting to talk to my therapist today so once I was home I made a smoothie and did nothing.
I don’t really feel peace exactly. And even though I feel like garbage about the cat I was able to enjoy the sight of the dogs being walked as I passed by on my way home.
It is rough when therapists have to cancel. I can understand your frustration.
But there were some good things in your message - you walked home which allows you to exercise and see things like the dog. You also had a smoothie which is a nice way to get nutrition and something cold. So you cared for yourself.
Onward to tomorrow which I hope will be better!
My peaceful moment today was seeing a mother duck with tons of ducklings. @integrityblues
I hope tomorrow is better.
So how was it?@integrityblues
Not much better. My mom didn’t go to an important cat scan and my younger sister isn’t helping my mom at all. She keeps telling my mom that she has worms (I have no idea if she’s telling the truth or is just on drugs) so I told my mom to just wash her hands.
I just learned that my rent is going up by over $80 and remembered that I’m losing a discount on my internet making it twice as expensive. I think I can cover it but I’m so stressed out over all of it happening now.
When it begins to feel like it is piling up, take a step back and a deep breath. Lots of deep breathing is always good. Are you eating and drinking liquids okay?
You have no control over your mom or sister, so you have to let them go for a bit. That may mean calling or texting them minimally less often (like every other day if you have been doing every day or every three days) so that you can keep that space for you. They will be okay for those brief moments. If they contact you feel free to contact them back, but initiate calls and texts a little less.
The financial stuff will work itself out as it has in the past. I know prices are higher but you will figure out how to manage. How has the job hunt been going? @integrityblues
I really have been trying to not contact her as much. Seeing the cat get hit by the car has made me text or call more. It’s been a week, he might be dead and I’m so depressed.
I’m eating when I can bring myself to get out of bed. I’m now out of food that I can easily cook between the fact the dishes are hard to do and I didn’t get my travel funds yet. I made cookies yesterday. I got an email from Dominos about a pizza deal and I had 60 points available to get a free pizza this evening. I just had to order and pick it up from the one that was 10 minutes away from my house.
I’m exhausted but I’ve eaten.
I’ve been applying to jobs that turned out to be scams. I’m now hesitant to apply though I’ve got six more leads (really 3-4 after I checked the distance for some) and said I’d try to apply today but stayed in bed and read a book but got out of bed long enough to haul the trash cans out.
I’m thinking of trying to apply to those before bed because my job developer wanted to help by getting in contact with the companies.
You are doing as well as you can. I know what a hard week it has been. Have you been able to get in touch with your therapist to reschedule?
You have eaten something so that is good. I hope that you are able to find enough energy to do more today.
It is good that your job developer is going to help you hunt out which jobs are scams. That isn't easy to do. You are going to find something.
This coming week will be better on some front. I am sure. Just hang in there. @integrityblues
I was told I’d hear back from someone in a week to reschedule. If it doesn’t happen I’ll leave a message for her.
I got my SSDI check early, so I made sure to get my bills in order, even deleting the old and setting up the new autopay for the rent because the price has increased. I was a little bummed when I realized that since I pay a month early I’d have to dish out the larger amount of money right now, but it’s fine. I can handle it and I’ll use this as greater incentive to find work.
I was able to get lunch and after I rested I took a walk to the store to pick up ice cream and a couple of Yahrzeit candles; one for my dad whose death anniversary is on the 3rd and one for my friend in July.
I’m frustrated that my mom hasn’t contacted me today (yesterday’s scheduled call was only ten minutes long and she promised we’d talk again) but I’ve only texted her, not tried to call. It’s possible that she’s just busy or dealing with my younger sister or actually sleeping.
It sounds like you are working things out on the financial front for now. That is all you can do.
I hope that your mom did get in touch eventually. But remember to focus on your happiness rather than your worry. When she doesn't call it means that you are being given space to focus on you. That is a good space too - as good as the one that cares for your mom. @integrityblues
I dreamt that I was waiting for a bus on a busy street at night. As I waited, I kept noticing a hole in one of my teeth, and I kept touching the tooth with my tongue. I was worrying and thinking about the cavity and planning how to address the problem when the bus arrived and I woke up.
I dreamt that I was very behind on a paper for class but I was so upset about it because it was the same as my final project for a course I took in my when I transferred to a state college from a community college.
Different subject because I was writing an essay analyzing a story I'd written instead of using those two forms of literary analyses on my thesis statement for Wise Blood by Flannery O'Connor.
I was planning on skipping class to write a sloppy four page essay but went anyway.
We all talked about our stories and after the professor told me that she knew the character was myself but magical it would make more sense if I didn’t keep saying it was me in the way I was writing- something about how it made it harder to understand.
Then the professor told us the paper was due that Thursday (instead of that day in the dream on Tuesday) and let us discuss our work in groups.
My group was a lively fantasy genre and I only really recall explaining to one person that if you had magic in the story you had to have it follow a set of rules to keep it consistent in that world.
And then I woke up.
That actually sounds like a lovely scenario where the paper topic is fun, you get to work with other people, and it is due later than you thought. @integrityblues
I was so anxious before I got there. I kept stressing about it because I spent hardly any time on it.
But look how it worked out. Maybe the dream was about not becoming too anxious because good things do happen. @integrityblues
I dreamt that I was going on a trip with my older sister’s family. It was a bit of a road trip so we all got in the car that was way too small to hold herself, her kids, and her husband plus me and all the luggage.
I woke up exhausted but took my meds and eventually went shopping. I got back just in time for my Zoom meeting. It wasn’t very positive but we looked at a few jobs she hasn’t sent me the leads for. She also advised me to follow up on the job I applied to on Thursday.
It took me awhile but I finally made the call. I left a message with my information, contact number, and what job I’d applied for and was asking to follow up on.
I know that it doesn't feel like it because you are tired but there are a bunch of victories in there - you went shopping, you survived the Zoom meeting and you contacted someone again that you needed to in terms of getting a job.
Those are successes. Keep up the good work. @integrityblues
Thanks bestVase
Sending lots of peace and strength.@integrityblues
I dreamt that I had a massive pus filled wound on my forehead. I started panicking and tried to treat it but it only got worse.
Today is a bad day. I woke up only long enough this morning to take meds then slept till the afternoon. I went shopping, and after I was finished putting together my med kit I got a surprise call from my mom. She told me that she and my younger sister were fighting again, something about her behavior, and that she’d stolen all my mom’s pot too and then left with the dog.
I’m concerned for my mom and since it’s been a few weeks since we last discussed it I told my older sister about what’s up and asked her if we could go and drop off my care package next weekend if she was free.
She said no because she doesn’t want to deal with the drama and would rather wait it out. Also she doesn’t want to get worms (because our little sister claimed that she’d caught them but didn’t go to the dr to figure out if it was true and seek treatment).
I feel useless and tired. In spite of my best efforts to work around it all the nothing I can do is swallowing me up.
Sending lots of hugs. I know how hard it is for you to imagine that you can't do anything. I wish that it all was easier.
Does your mom get on the computer at all? Could you send her a computer greeting card or maybe just a text with lots of emojis? I know something physical like a care package would feel better, but I bet your mom just wants to feel heard. You are doing something important just by listening. It is probably the most critical thing that you do.
But listening is also the most draining. So now you need to care for you. That involves forcing yourself up and getting a shower. You know those will make you feel better. Do part of a chore, drink some water, get something to eat. Those are all really hard right now but without them you just slip deeper.
Sending lots of strength and peace. @integrityblues
Thanks. I spoke to my mom briefly to see how she was doing- she hasn’t seen my little sister so that’s good. She went to do a little shopping because she got her food stamps, so I don’t feel as bad that I can’t give her food and Tylenol. I couldn’t bring myself to tell her what my older sister said and the reasons she gave for not following through, mostly because it’s only going to make her not trust me or my older sister. The last thing I need is for her to shut me out because I spoke to my sister and my aunts about the problem she shared.
It’s so frustrating when everything goes wrong.
I mostly stayed in bed today because I was so worn out. I drank water and ate food, played mobile games, and rested some more while watching movies.
I plan on showering tomorrow and getting some small chores done like vacuuming, changing my sheets, and doing a few dishes. I also have to prepare for my job development Zoom on Wednesday.
I dreamt that I took a long shower and thoroughly washed my hair. Once I got out and dried off I began brushing my hair. Everything was fine until I found a cockroach in my hair. I began yelling and trying to catch the bug. I finally got it into the sink and turned on the water so it went down the drain.
I woke up before I could get back in the shower and wash my hair again.
I know that everything feels wrong right now, but it isn't. Your mom didn't see your sister and managed to go shopping. Those are both successful things. There is nothing to feel guilty about on your part. No harm has been done.
I know that it feels overwhelming due to the depression, but you can get yourself back on track here by refocusing on you. Shower, chores, getting out of bed - those can be points of victory. And there will NOT be any cockroaches. @integrityblues
Yes, that’s true.
I did fixate a lot on the fact that she hadn’t returned my text today, then got out of bed in the late afternoon to strip the sheets and remake my bed, then took a nice long shower. My chore for today was bed making and washing the dishes I’d need for dinner. I hope to get more done tomorrow before and after my Zoom call.
Shower and chores, so a successful day. I wish you luck with the meeting tomorrow. You are headed in a good direction. @integrityblues
This dream is a bit dark and confusing.
I dreamt that I was staying at a former friends place. For some reason two unfamiliar women were there and I realized that they were still my former friend and her mom, just with different faces and looks.
They decided that something was wrong and that the only solution was to have my teeth drilled without a shot for the pain.
I guess I passed out but found myself in the bathroom trying to clean unexplained blood. Like, my feet were covered in blood even though my socks were clean, as well as other pieces of my clothes and as soon as I stepped out of the bathroom I was told I was going to be driven far away because, according to them I’d behaved inappropriately after the procedure and took off my top in front of her younger brothers.
I was driven to a facility like a mental hospital or jail, where I was processed and when I asked for a book I’d brought with me the woman in charge said I was only allowed to read the books in her to be read pile. Unfortunately all of them were about computer programs. I took one anyway and said I’d take notes for the woman as if that would get me out sooner.
It turns out the others would be able to play games to get a chance to leave sooner, but whenever I participated and won, I’d be told that I wasn’t qualified.
Ugh, it was so frustrating!
That's a pretty weird dream but it does sound frustrating. Lots of the things that have happened to you in terms of dental work and just general fears.
Maybe it was all an attempt to process that frustration. It is a word that you have been using a bit lately I think. I know how much you want things to move forward. I wish that they would move faster too. But sometimes you have to wait where you are at for the next flower to bloom. It is going to bloom soon. @integrityblues
That’s true. Everything in its time and all that. I’m just so exhausted.
I had that meeting today and it well enough.
I also got in touch with my mom because she’s been so quiet. Turns out my younger sister dumped the dog on her without a collar or halter, just a leash, then ran off to see a friend.
The boyfriend got his car towed with both of their phones inside so neither can be contacted.
I feel sorry for my mom because it puts her under stress, but I feel more for the dog.
At least now he’s being fed and resting comfortably. If my mom would accept my help I’d give him a bath because he’s got fleas.
I hope that the meeting today went well. Remember that should be your focus.
You can try to convince your mom on the dog bath, but (except for the fleas) the dog might bring her a bit of comfort and companionship. Sometimes all of us need to care for something else to feel better about ourselves. @integrityblues
Good, one day at a time.
Yes. My call with my mom was okay. We had an interesting conversation about books and she mentioned Like Water For Chocolate sounding similar to the book I was describing (The Particular Sadness of Lemon Cake).
Turns out she was talking about the movie adaptation so I told her I’d read it and watch it. She suggested that I could explain them both to her when I finished, and that sort of sounds nice. I told her that I loved the magical realism.
That sounds like a perfectly lovely conversation. You should talk about books and movies more often! @integrityblues
I dreamt that I was in an arcade trying to play mobile games on the machines. It sort of worked but I kept having to type in these really long passwords on the arcade machines to make it happen.
Then I went home and was surprised to find a huge German Shepherd laying down in our property’s flowerbeds. As I was approaching and talking to it, it lifted its head and spoke like a person to tell me to back off.
I ran into my neighbor as I was trying to give the dog space and told him what the dog said, but that I’d try and bring it a pot of water so it could have a drink.
I woke up and realized I’d gotten my period early, but at least I was prepared and wearing a pad because I’d noticed some spotting the day before. I’m going to try and rest.
Hopefully the rest helps with the period. How do you normally feel about dogs? Do you think your dream is connected to your mom caring for your sister's dog? @integrityblues
I got as much rest as I could, the first few days are just hard.
Not sure about the meaning of the talking dog. Since meaning is subjective and any dream is just you talking to yourself, its possible that the dog is my mother telling me to leave her alone even if my intentions are good, my primal instincts to be alone while I’m so very depressed, or it’s just a talking dog.
Its hard to tell how much of it relates to what my mom has been going through caring for my sister’s dog.
I had a dream about being forced to leave my place because of a repair or because I was moving. I didn’t want to bother my aunts so I stayed with a friend (no one I recognized) and her boyfriend. I guess I moved in with them and took some of my furniture too.
It was awful. They were both terrible and I didn’t even make it a full week before I had to cut my lease (actual words that I said while telling the boyfriend off) and called one of my cousins to pick me up.
We were driving around afterwards getting out of that neighborhood, then I suddenly woke up.
It is good that you are safe in the place you have now and have been there for a while. I hope that your week isn't too stressful thus far?
Any good moments for the day? @integrityblues
True. I’ve just been anxious about change in general.
The week has been a drag, and now that it’s Monday I’m just trying to make it to the weekend once more.
I didn’t hear from the recruiter today so I’ll see if the phone interview will be in the next two days.
I was able to call the office where I see my therapist because I never got that call to reschedule after my appointment was canceled before. My therapist called me this afternoon and left a message. I called back and agreed to the next appointment she had available for next week.
I’m still not feeling right after the cat was hit by the car…no one has seen him anywhere for three weeks. It’s more and more likely that he died.
The cat could have been picked up by someone else and taken to the vet. You never know. Creating a positive story in your head will help.
I am glad that you finally got back in touch with the therapist. You deserve an appointment. Hopefully you will get a call about one soon.
I also hope that the job person gets back in touch soon.
I know that it is hard, but think of something good that happened today, even if it was for a few seconds. For me it was that invigorating moment when you turn off the water of the shower before you reach for the towel. It has been pretty hot here lately and we went out on a short walk this morning so that moment was especially welcome. @integrityblues
It was just so hard. I stepped out to check my mail and my neighbor said he thought he saw the cat- that it was chunky and skittish and dirty, but it might have been him.
I went back inside to put on things that weren’t pajamas then went out again to look in the area my neighbor mentioned and walked around looking and calling for him. No luck.
But since I was dressed to be outside and was all upset with myself I took a walk to the store to get some shampoo.
I realized today that I’d misinterpreted the email from the recruiter- I gave them days and times I could have a phone interview thinking I’d just wait around for their call, but the email said provide the days and times so that the appointment could be scheduled. It might not even happen this week and I’ve been stressing myself out over it.
I’m going to try and think of Lil Boy’s positive story.
It is easy to misread an email. We all do it. You will now have a time that you can schedule it so you will know when it is going to happen. That will be better.
It is good that you went out and got yourself the shampoo. Sometimes just being up and about is better.
Sending lots of strength and peace. I have been thinking about you. @integrityblues