@sunnyCherry1888, you're in the right place ^^ Glad you found us!
I remember when I received my diagnosis, it was such a bittersweet feeling. Like I was relieved because I suspect it for years and finally having a name for this monster felt empowering, but at the same time it felt... final. Like I was marked for life and should now carry this heavy burden forever. I am grateful that you decided to reach to us. That always requires bravery *hugs*
Juggling work and recovery is tricky. And financial worries just adds more stress to life, especially when you do not see the endpoint of this... But I would encourage you to be patient. Trying out meds can be frustrating until you found your sweet spot with the dosage - in my case I had to change some meds, because the first one didn't work at all, the other had a too low dosage, another had too strong side effects, etc. After weeks and weeks of switching back and forth, I really wanted to give up, especially due to my really low income. But when I finally found my match, it was a game changer. I finally had the energy to function as a member of society once again. To do all of these simple tasks, like eating, sleeping, going outside without dragging my feet. Antidepressants are not happy pills, so I still had to put lots of work into learning about battling negative thoughts and healthy self-care - but at least I have the energy to fight for myself.
Recovery is hard and long, but not impossible. I needed to remind myself constantly that I am doing my best in each passing moment, that all of my actions ultimately lead to the survival of this pain, so they shouldn't be judged. Self-compassion is hard to learn after experiencing "self-abuse" but makes a huge difference in shortening recovery time. And you've already started to make supportive choices by reaching out to doctors and to this community 🤍
Pandemic really tries me out, but over the years I've learned that communicating my feelings make them easier to manage. Every day I am writing down all of the small things I've accomplished (big ones, like waking up on time to go to work - or silly ones like "changed bathroom towels for fresh ones") because my negative brain is prone to forget all of them and tries to convince me that I am doing nothing with my life. It also helps reinforce a habit of noticing positive sides more. I also regularly reach out to my family or friends by skype or phone calls (I live alone) to chat and share our worries about current times. I also try to keep a consistent routine related to meals, light exercise and sleeping time, but honestly, it is the hardest one to keep up - even when it does make a huge difference in my wellbeing. Some days I am better at this, some weeks I fall behind, but I try not to give up. Every day, every hour even is a chance for starting anew.
Please do check in with us. I would love to hear from you again, e.g. if you have any worries. Sending you my best wishes to help you this weekend!