Loneliness on 7Cups

@MeMyselfAndHer I feel the same and I don't live on a island, yet I can not find a friend anywhere anymore. I try and try, for many years, but no one ever talks with me. It's surreal even.

@PicturePerfect003

I understand this very well... I used to live in a town before, and didn't have many friends anyway... the difference was that I could find some professional help and superficial relationships in order to, at least, have someone to just talk to. Friendships are something else, something I have given up long ago...One problem is that I was hurt, very badly, by people I trusted blindly. I have seen the evil hidden behind fake smiles, just waiting for the right moment to jump out and take advantage of me and leave me broken. I am now in a total paranoia, thinking all the time about the hidden agenda of everyone. I have seen it too many times to still believe there can be someone good.

The second problem is that I am what you would call a "weirdo"...I like music, literature, thinking...I have nothig to share with most of the people whose biggest thought is to shoot a selfie for facebook....if you know what I mean

I don't know if your reasons are the same as mine...

@MeMyselfAndHer I've always been all inclusive with others (weirdos included), which is why it's so hard for me to understand why I'm the one excluded all the time now.

I don't have any one event to lay blame about the heartless bastards people can be, but I definitely feel the dog eat dog world. ... And it's not for the lonely.

@PicturePerfect003

I think things sometimes change, maybe slowly, and we just don't realize why... I have never been a very social person, I have always liked being alone, but I could still count on some good friends who were just like me...introspective people. Then life has broken me too bad to still have the strenght to trust...

So, for how you describe your situation, it looks much different than mine...it sounds to me like you still try to be social, but you feel pushed away, am I right?

@MeMyselfAndHer Your right, in so far that I don't want to be lonely - to be truly alone as I am is not a good place to be, mentally. I'm in the process of giving up though, My efforts are pointless.

Can't this app do a better job of showing me the new post...

@PicturePerfect003

Well, I don't know if you are a man or a woman, ad adult or a teenager, or what side of the world you are from...and this doesn't matter at all as long as I can understand the feeling you are talking about...that matters! I believe that what you describe is the truth you live in daily. This is an hyperconnected society, where people have one thousand friends on Facebook, two million followers somewhere else, and are totally lonely when it's about real life. I am sure we have never been so lonely as we all are now, now that the phone rings all the time and it's never someone calling, it's always some stupid app telling something useless to us...Once people used to talk to each others...but it was a long time ago

So....I really believe in what you say

@MeMyselfAndHer

https://www.amazon.com/Hate-You-Dont-Leave-Me/dp/0380713055

@MeMyselfAndHer A bit of a "weirdo" myslef:P

Cheers to that!

@MeMyselfAndHer I totally get what you mean..after so many fake friends, how can I trust anyone? Im just a weirdo here to fulfill whatever need you have and then get tossed aside when Ive served my purpose..feel stupid for listening to peoples kind words..dont fall for it again I tell myself..but am lonely so I keep trying and keep being disappointed with people and myself..maybe I deserve it says the voice inside

I can 100% understand how you feel.
I am also 100% willing to talk (that goes to anyone on this thread).

@TeaLeavesAndCoffeeBeans

That is good news! I would be happy to talk to you

@MeMyselfAndHer
And I would like to talk to you as well! :)

@TeaLeavesAndCoffeeBeans

I think on 7Cups there is no "private messages" option, right?

I can see there are also other people who would like to stay in touch...we should find the way to use the forum somehow!

Ideas?

@MeMyselfAndHer

Hi MeMyselfAndHer, ☺ I would love to become friends with you! I relate to SO much of what you initially wrote in your first/initial post. I do not have a single friend, and it makes my life so challenging. It has been several years since I have had a close friendship with anyone. I think trust, or rather my very guarded "lack of trust" in people somehow creates an invisible barrier. I have severe social anxiety and avoid all social events, activities, and gatherings the best I can. I am an introvert, and would describe myself as a "socially awkward,, oddly friendly, total loner." My parents died when I was young, so not only don't I have friends, but I also don't have any family/relatives to turn to when I'm lonely or struggling. But...I do have 3 AWESOME dogs that I spend most of my time with. With the exception of traveling by bus to my job, or going to a store, I am rarely seen by others without my dogs. I rode my bike to a store today, and a guy who lives in my neighborhood hollared across the street, "Hey, where are your dogs???" Do you have, or can you have pets where you are living? My dogs are the only entity in which I feel safe around. One thing besides your lonliness that stood out in my mind as I read your post was your saying you are considered, or consider yourself to be weird. I so often told that I'm so odd, or weird. And, it doesn't really bother so much when people say that, because I am an odd ball. A square peg that doesn't fit into a world filled with round pegs, and circular holes that they confortly fit into. I was diagnosed with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (Servers Syndrome) as an adult, and it helped me better accept myself for who I am, and also took pressure off me to "fit in" in social circles, at work, or anywhere else. Like yourself, one huge problem I have, when it comes to trying to connect with others, and develop/grow friendships is that I just don't have much of anything in common with anyone I meet...unless you count peeing, breathing, and sleeping. I exclusively read non-fiction, love to listen to classical music and piano arrangements, I watch little TV, (but do love documentaries), love animals, I have an insatiable craving to learn new things (pretty much anything, and I have odd hobbies (like playing hand drums, carpentry, painting and refinishing furniture, and DIY home decorating projects. I've gone to several therapists for counseling for my servers, recurrent depression and PTSD, and almost all of them have their own agenda as far as "goals" are concerned...and their single focus has been to push me to "be more social," "get involved in group activities," and "make friendS." And, I do attempt to achieve those goals, but it seems the harder I try, the harder I fall flat on my face and humiliate myself. And that only has worked to lower my nearly nonexistent self-esteem. I am seeing a male therapist, which is something I previously steered clear of, but I really like him, and talking with him has been very helpful.

Ok, I have blabbed on long enough, but before I go, I wanted to ask you if you would like me to start a forum thread, and maybe call it, "MeMyselfAndHer Circle Of Friends." It would allow you to communicate back and forth, much like this, and it would be a place for you to share back and forth with individuals you feel comfortable sharing with. It wouldn't be "private" communication, but it could help facilitate friendships. What do you think about have a friendship thread of your own?

@caterpillargirl

Hello Caterpillargirl

It took a while to reply to your message as you can see. And this is because it really stroke my heart. I am so similar to you, I see myself so much in what you wrote. Being "something that doesn't fit anywhere" in this society, but fits very well in its own reality...I'm an outsider, I feel very good when I can surround myself with what I like, be where I belong! Exactly like you, I love animals...being with animals is the only thing that calms me down. I moved away from my home country and now I live many thousands km away from my family, I had to leave those few good friends behind, and, most painful, my 3 dogs. Now they live with my parents, and trust me when I tell you that they are the first thing I think about when I have the chance to travel back home. One of them especially, he has a great power on me. That dog is probably the only creature I felt in love with, and that loved me back in the most true way you can imagine. Where I live now I unfortunately have no chance to have animals, so no chance to get my dogs here. My job is very demanding and I live with a colleague. However, I just got two chickens, they seem to be more sensitive than 99% of the people I know. I can have them in my garden in the good season (that is a couple of months a year) and I feel good thinking I took them away from an intensive breeding facility and gave them a better life. Animals don't have any hidden agenda, I feel safe with them.

Another thing I love is music...I am a bass player. When I can play I feel reliefed from all the shit I have to deal with constantly. I wish I could have a hobby band or at least play with someone, but here I am made fun of for the kind of music that I like. Ignorance overfloods here.

Said so...I don't even have a diagnose. I have always been a pretty weird and dark person, but it has always been more or less fine. After I moved here hell broke loose, and unfortunately there is no chance to be helped here.

So, life is not easy when you have nothing you like or feel good about (but 2 chickens), and a lot happening inside of you that you can't give a name to.

@MeMyselfAndHer

Could you elaborate a bit on what you mean with "Talking Friendship"? Did the listeners you talked to sound a bit robotic? It's always pretty dang difficult to strike a balance between professionalism (following the guidelines of how a listener should act/formulate their sentences) and sounding casual. On one hand, you don't want to sound too robotic as a listener, because that could distance you from the member and make the member feel like they're talking to themselves (like you mentioned). On the other hand, you can't get too comfortable and casual because you might end up breaking a rule.

I hope you manage to find a listener you feel comfortable with soon. :(

@Glue

Hello Glue

I have had different experiences with different listeners. Once, for example, I was terribly down and I self-harmed after quite a long time without doing it. I felt that I was going out of control, so I wrote to a random listener. Guess what? This guy was able to keep me on the chat for several hours, we went from me talking about my disaster life to talking about traditional food and weather...after that chat, I didn't even remember how desperate I was before. I just felt good, I felt I could talk about normal things, like a "normal" person! This guy's interaction was great, not too "personal", but I really felt he was listening. And, most important, I dropped the blade for that day. Other times, instead, I had the opposite feeling...I felt like I was talking to someone copying and pasting random sentences...I absolutely understand that listeners are volunteering and they do a fantastic job just by being there, so let me say once again that mine is not meant to be a complaint. What I mean is that when their interaction is so impersonal, this makes you feel ever more lonely. I personally have very bad feelings about being not considered by the people I have around... So very easily I transfer this into any context.

When it's about the forum, I see many people seeking for support, and their threads have no replies...sometimes I would like to write something, but the fear of being ignored stops me..

@Glue

Thinking about what I meant with "talking friendship"...( I apologize for my weird writing, English is not my first language so I try my best!) ...I meant talking to someone who you can hope to meet again, and keep telling your story.

My personal example is that my current problems are the result of a long serie of bad events...it's hard to explain the all story from the beginning every time...it's actually impossible

@MeMyselfAndHer

You got another one here if you want or need to shoot the breeze with someone! I'm just a member though, so I can only communicate with you on the forums or feed. You're definitely not alone here! xx

@TrueArrow

Yes! The forum is the place for this, I believe...or maybe following each others and stay in touch on the feeds...this can also be a great idea...

Waiting for suggestions!

@MeMyselfAndHer This had been an issue for me as well. Although, I've yet to have a good experience with listeners myself. I've tried about 8 times and feels more like I'm talk at them rather than them listening and engaging. I realized paying people to talk to me is not the answer either, besides nearly bankrupting me, it accentuates the issue - I lost count of how many times I've thought, "No one would talk with me unless I pay them to?". This app has become one of my final attempts to beg for help, and I wish it were going better.

@PicturePerfect003

Reading this post of yours was absolutely surprising...I could have written exactly the same...

Sometimes, when I'm down, talking to someone is enough to make me feel better....it's that "someone" that is missing. No friends, no people I trust...in the place where I live not even a psychologist...just nothing and nobody.

In my darkest moments I ended up trying to call some help lines on the phone...for some reason I feel ashamed for this...I kinda thought that it was the bottom of the bottom of the bottom...

I found I psychologist that would talk to me on Skype, and she literally saved my life. But, of course, this has a price that I can't afford paying for a ling time. So I had to quit.

And here I am...with so much to say, and nobody to listen, if not in exchange of money. Nice, nice world!

7Cups is, for me too, a sort of "last attempt".

@MeMyselfAndHer. I've been afraid to call any phone help lines and I'm sure a couple times I should have.

@PicturePerfect003

I warmly suggest you to do it if you feel you need to. One night I did, and i have to thank the person who answered the phone if I am still alive. I was home alone and had planned suicide accurately. I was really on my way to do it. I just gave myself one last chance...the guy I talked to suggested me a couple of things to do, and it worked...I'm a bit messed up, but still alive

@MeMyselfAndHer

@MeMyselfAndHer Hey, I find it intersting that I understand your sentences easier and more familiar than other people's. So I wonder if you and I have a same first language. You don't have to told me but I have to post since the feeling of connection for my first time is just amazing to me

I can completely understand (apart from I don't live on an island) I seem to isolate myself from any friendship I have and I really struggle being open with my family or the doctors. The thing is, what found on 7 Cups is no one is alone in what we are going through and there is always someone to help us through the hard times. I seem to have regular chats with the same people and although I wouldn't class them as my friends because I don't know much about them, I still have a strong bond with them :)

@SmileyBear

This is nice to hear, and a good hope for anyone who is still searching for support

I would be happy to have a conversation with you. I feel the same way and can relate to what you guys are talking about. It's hard to make friends when people have their own cliques. Please reach out to me as I'd love to exchange ideas.

@Princesss1011 Unfortunately there isn't a way to direct message as far as I can tell. I wish there were as I'm not ready to talk about all my problems to the public. I'd rather fix the biggest problem of all by finding a friend that listens. Someone I don't have to repeat 27 years of how I got here, but simply continue where I left off and listen to them in return, until it's all out. Advice would be welcome, but not necessary - it's the act of telling my continuing story to someone that cares that matters. Even if it's online.

@Princesss1011

Great! I just started following you

Same here. I feel like there's a bunch of people around here, a bunch of posts and it's difficult to connect with anyone. I'd love to find people I could talk to regularly. Maybe this thread can be a starting point.

@diplomaticBunny2322 I'm game

@PicturePerfect003 I wish we could talk in a chat or direct messages, the way we can with listeners, but I guess this will have to do. How are you doing today?

@diplomaticBunny2322 I don't know how either, I'm fairly new and haven't used it much. Just don't know how open I can be in public...

With all my problems, I just heard that my stress and lack of sleep has caused some serious health issue. I'm pretty angry about it as it could have been prevented. I don't get to talk about it with anyone either.

I hope everyone is doing better than I. How are things with you?

@PicturePerfect003 I'm sorry to hear that. You can always talk to me if that helps. I've tried talking to a few listeners but it felt like talking to a bot. I'd rather talk to someone who's going through similar stuff like me. I have depression and anxiety. It's been getting worse in the past couple of months. Possibly because I've been exhausted and stressed by work and exams. I have trouble sleeping and I'm completely unable to enjoy doing things I used to love. What's really frustrating right now is how disconnected I feel from the people I was close to. Whenever I spend time with them it's like I'm watching it from afar, like I'm not even there and I don't belong because they could never understand what's going on in my head.

@diplomaticBunny2322 well one of the places I've used in the past is a website called daily strength, and I still do occasionally. They allow for private messaging if both people friend each other. They also have forums for many topics. They don't have an app, but conversing is slightly easier in the forum in which you just need to pick up where you left off rather than rereading the whole thing to see if something is new.

I just responded to another person above where I was saying I need a friend not a listener as well.

@PicturePerfect003 just checked out daily strength, seems like a good site. I made a profile, the username is phoenixx if you want to add me on there.

@diplomaticBunny2322 oh that's great! I was unable to find you though. I think your profile might be private (I think it is by default) or you haven't posted. Feel free to see if you can find me:. imlostinlife

@PicturePerfect003

This was a very good suggestion, I'll go and check it too!