Loneliness on 7Cups
Hello guys 
I have been on 7Cups for a little while and I have to say that, in some occasions, it has been helpful...in some others, it has been actually very frustrating.
I got here, as I believe many of you, searching for support, friendship, or, most likely, just someone to talk to. I live a very lonely life, in a desperately isolated place (an island with few hundreds inhabitants), and, unfortunately, I have several psychologic problems (or psychiatric?...who knows...) that developed after a not easy life. The last 3 years, especially, have just been a daily torture, a sequence of bad events that corroded me little by little. As I just wrote, I live on a little island, here we only have 2 little food stores, nothing else. Until few months ago, we didn't even have a general doctor, so, no chance to find any kind of help from professionals in the psychiatric/psychologic field. Once reached the bottom of my sorrow and despair, and having nobody that could help me, I found 7Cups.
I talked to some listeners, wrote here and there...and figured out so many times it feels like talking to myself...I wasn't able to build any stable "talking friendship", which is what I actually need. I feel like a throw stones to the void...just write sentences that maybe noone will ever read, and for sure, that noone will answer to.
I am pretty sure I am not the only one feeling like this here... I don't want this to sound like a complaint, 7Cups is anyway good, but I wish I could find someone who wants to just keep talking to me, and that wants to be listened.
Is my hope in vain? 
I can 100% understand how you feel.
I am also 100% willing to talk (that goes to anyone on this thread).
@TeaLeavesAndCoffeeBeans
That is good news! I would be happy to talk to you
@MeMyselfAndHer
And I would like to talk to you as well! :)
@TeaLeavesAndCoffeeBeans
I think on 7Cups there is no "private messages" option, right?
I can see there are also other people who would like to stay in touch...we should find the way to use the forum somehow!
Ideas? 
@MeMyselfAndHer
Hi MeMyselfAndHer, ☺ I would love to become friends with you! I relate to SO much of what you initially wrote in your first/initial post. I do not have a single friend, and it makes my life so challenging. It has been several years since I have had a close friendship with anyone. I think trust, or rather my very guarded "lack of trust" in people somehow creates an invisible barrier. I have severe social anxiety and avoid all social events, activities, and gatherings the best I can. I am an introvert, and would describe myself as a "socially awkward,, oddly friendly, total loner." My parents died when I was young, so not only don't I have friends, but I also don't have any family/relatives to turn to when I'm lonely or struggling. But...I do have 3 AWESOME dogs that I spend most of my time with. With the exception of traveling by bus to my job, or going to a store, I am rarely seen by others without my dogs. I rode my bike to a store today, and a guy who lives in my neighborhood hollared across the street, "Hey, where are your dogs???" Do you have, or can you have pets where you are living? My dogs are the only entity in which I feel safe around. One thing besides your lonliness that stood out in my mind as I read your post was your saying you are considered, or consider yourself to be weird. I so often told that I'm so odd, or weird. And, it doesn't really bother so much when people say that, because I am an odd ball. A square peg that doesn't fit into a world filled with round pegs, and circular holes that they confortly fit into. I was diagnosed with an Autistic Spectrum Disorder (Servers Syndrome) as an adult, and it helped me better accept myself for who I am, and also took pressure off me to "fit in" in social circles, at work, or anywhere else. Like yourself, one huge problem I have, when it comes to trying to connect with others, and develop/grow friendships is that I just don't have much of anything in common with anyone I meet...unless you count peeing, breathing, and sleeping. I exclusively read non-fiction, love to listen to classical music and piano arrangements, I watch little TV, (but do love documentaries), love animals, I have an insatiable craving to learn new things (pretty much anything, and I have odd hobbies (like playing hand drums, carpentry, painting and refinishing furniture, and DIY home decorating projects. I've gone to several therapists for counseling for my servers, recurrent depression and PTSD, and almost all of them have their own agenda as far as "goals" are concerned...and their single focus has been to push me to "be more social," "get involved in group activities," and "make friendS." And, I do attempt to achieve those goals, but it seems the harder I try, the harder I fall flat on my face and humiliate myself. And that only has worked to lower my nearly nonexistent self-esteem. I am seeing a male therapist, which is something I previously steered clear of, but I really like him, and talking with him has been very helpful.
Ok, I have blabbed on long enough, but before I go, I wanted to ask you if you would like me to start a forum thread, and maybe call it, "MeMyselfAndHer Circle Of Friends." It would allow you to communicate back and forth, much like this, and it would be a place for you to share back and forth with individuals you feel comfortable sharing with. It wouldn't be "private" communication, but it could help facilitate friendships. What do you think about have a friendship thread of your own?
@caterpillargirl
Hello Caterpillargirl
It took a while to reply to your message as you can see. And this is because it really stroke my heart. I am so similar to you, I see myself so much in what you wrote. Being "something that doesn't fit anywhere" in this society, but fits very well in its own reality...I'm an outsider, I feel very good when I can surround myself with what I like, be where I belong! Exactly like you, I love animals...being with animals is the only thing that calms me down. I moved away from my home country and now I live many thousands km away from my family, I had to leave those few good friends behind, and, most painful, my 3 dogs. Now they live with my parents, and trust me when I tell you that they are the first thing I think about when I have the chance to travel back home. One of them especially, he has a great power on me. That dog is probably the only creature I felt in love with, and that loved me back in the most true way you can imagine. Where I live now I unfortunately have no chance to have animals, so no chance to get my dogs here. My job is very demanding and I live with a colleague. However, I just got two chickens, they seem to be more sensitive than 99% of the people I know. I can have them in my garden in the good season (that is a couple of months a year) and I feel good thinking I took them away from an intensive breeding facility and gave them a better life. Animals don't have any hidden agenda, I feel safe with them.
Another thing I love is music...I am a bass player. When I can play I feel reliefed from all the shit I have to deal with constantly. I wish I could have a hobby band or at least play with someone, but here I am made fun of for the kind of music that I like. Ignorance overfloods here.
Said so...I don't even have a diagnose. I have always been a pretty weird and dark person, but it has always been more or less fine. After I moved here hell broke loose, and unfortunately there is no chance to be helped here.
So, life is not easy when you have nothing you like or feel good about (but 2 chickens), and a lot happening inside of you that you can't give a name to. 
@MeMyselfAndHer
Could you elaborate a bit on what you mean with "Talking Friendship"? Did the listeners you talked to sound a bit robotic? It's always pretty dang difficult to strike a balance between professionalism (following the guidelines of how a listener should act/formulate their sentences) and sounding casual. On one hand, you don't want to sound too robotic as a listener, because that could distance you from the member and make the member feel like they're talking to themselves (like you mentioned). On the other hand, you can't get too comfortable and casual because you might end up breaking a rule.
I hope you manage to find a listener you feel comfortable with soon. :(
@Glue
Hello Glue
I have had different experiences with different listeners. Once, for example, I was terribly down and I self-harmed after quite a long time without doing it. I felt that I was going out of control, so I wrote to a random listener. Guess what? This guy was able to keep me on the chat for several hours, we went from me talking about my disaster life to talking about traditional food and weather...after that chat, I didn't even remember how desperate I was before. I just felt good, I felt I could talk about normal things, like a "normal" person! This guy's interaction was great, not too "personal", but I really felt he was listening. And, most important, I dropped the blade for that day. Other times, instead, I had the opposite feeling...I felt like I was talking to someone copying and pasting random sentences...I absolutely understand that listeners are volunteering and they do a fantastic job just by being there, so let me say once again that mine is not meant to be a complaint. What I mean is that when their interaction is so impersonal, this makes you feel ever more lonely. I personally have very bad feelings about being not considered by the people I have around... So very easily I transfer this into any context.
When it's about the forum, I see many people seeking for support, and their threads have no replies...sometimes I would like to write something, but the fear of being ignored stops me..
@Glue
Thinking about what I meant with "talking friendship"...( I apologize for my weird writing, English is not my first language so I try my best!) ...I meant talking to someone who you can hope to meet again, and keep telling your story.
My personal example is that my current problems are the result of a long serie of bad events...it's hard to explain the all story from the beginning every time...it's actually impossible
@MeMyselfAndHer
You got another one here if you want or need to shoot the breeze with someone! I'm just a member though, so I can only communicate with you on the forums or feed. You're definitely not alone here! xx
@TrueArrow
Yes! The forum is the place for this, I believe...or maybe following each others and stay in touch on the feeds...this can also be a great idea...
Waiting for suggestions! 
@MeMyselfAndHer This had been an issue for me as well. Although, I've yet to have a good experience with listeners myself. I've tried about 8 times and feels more like I'm talk at them rather than them listening and engaging. I realized paying people to talk to me is not the answer either, besides nearly bankrupting me, it accentuates the issue - I lost count of how many times I've thought, "No one would talk with me unless I pay them to?". This app has become one of my final attempts to beg for help, and I wish it were going better.
@PicturePerfect003
Reading this post of yours was absolutely surprising...I could have written exactly the same...
Sometimes, when I'm down, talking to someone is enough to make me feel better....it's that "someone" that is missing. No friends, no people I trust...in the place where I live not even a psychologist...just nothing and nobody.
In my darkest moments I ended up trying to call some help lines on the phone...for some reason I feel ashamed for this...I kinda thought that it was the bottom of the bottom of the bottom...
I found I psychologist that would talk to me on Skype, and she literally saved my life. But, of course, this has a price that I can't afford paying for a ling time. So I had to quit.
And here I am...with so much to say, and nobody to listen, if not in exchange of money. Nice, nice world!
7Cups is, for me too, a sort of "last attempt".
@MeMyselfAndHer. I've been afraid to call any phone help lines and I'm sure a couple times I should have.
@PicturePerfect003
I warmly suggest you to do it if you feel you need to. One night I did, and i have to thank the person who answered the phone if I am still alive. I was home alone and had planned suicide accurately. I was really on my way to do it. I just gave myself one last chance...the guy I talked to suggested me a couple of things to do, and it worked...I'm a bit messed up, but still alive 
@MeMyselfAndHer
@MeMyselfAndHer Hey, I find it intersting that I understand your sentences easier and more familiar than other people's. So I wonder if you and I have a same first language. You don't have to told me but I have to post since the feeling of connection for my first time is just amazing to me
I can completely understand (apart from I don't live on an island) I seem to isolate myself from any friendship I have and I really struggle being open with my family or the doctors. The thing is, what found on 7 Cups is no one is alone in what we are going through and there is always someone to help us through the hard times. I seem to have regular chats with the same people and although I wouldn't class them as my friends because I don't know much about them, I still have a strong bond with them :)
@SmileyBear
This is nice to hear, and a good hope for anyone who is still searching for support
I would be happy to have a conversation with you. I feel the same way and can relate to what you guys are talking about. It's hard to make friends when people have their own cliques. Please reach out to me as I'd love to exchange ideas.
@Princesss1011 Unfortunately there isn't a way to direct message as far as I can tell. I wish there were as I'm not ready to talk about all my problems to the public. I'd rather fix the biggest problem of all by finding a friend that listens. Someone I don't have to repeat 27 years of how I got here, but simply continue where I left off and listen to them in return, until it's all out. Advice would be welcome, but not necessary - it's the act of telling my continuing story to someone that cares that matters. Even if it's online.
@Princesss1011
Great! I just started following you
Same here. I feel like there's a bunch of people around here, a bunch of posts and it's difficult to connect with anyone. I'd love to find people I could talk to regularly. Maybe this thread can be a starting point.
@diplomaticBunny2322 I'm game
@PicturePerfect003 I wish we could talk in a chat or direct messages, the way we can with listeners, but I guess this will have to do. How are you doing today?
@diplomaticBunny2322 I don't know how either, I'm fairly new and haven't used it much. Just don't know how open I can be in public...
With all my problems, I just heard that my stress and lack of sleep has caused some serious health issue. I'm pretty angry about it as it could have been prevented. I don't get to talk about it with anyone either.
I hope everyone is doing better than I. How are things with you?
@PicturePerfect003 I'm sorry to hear that. You can always talk to me if that helps. I've tried talking to a few listeners but it felt like talking to a bot. I'd rather talk to someone who's going through similar stuff like me. I have depression and anxiety. It's been getting worse in the past couple of months. Possibly because I've been exhausted and stressed by work and exams. I have trouble sleeping and I'm completely unable to enjoy doing things I used to love. What's really frustrating right now is how disconnected I feel from the people I was close to. Whenever I spend time with them it's like I'm watching it from afar, like I'm not even there and I don't belong because they could never understand what's going on in my head.
@diplomaticBunny2322 well one of the places I've used in the past is a website called daily strength, and I still do occasionally. They allow for private messaging if both people friend each other. They also have forums for many topics. They don't have an app, but conversing is slightly easier in the forum in which you just need to pick up where you left off rather than rereading the whole thing to see if something is new.
I just responded to another person above where I was saying I need a friend not a listener as well.
@PicturePerfect003 just checked out daily strength, seems like a good site. I made a profile, the username is phoenixx if you want to add me on there.
@diplomaticBunny2322 oh that's great! I was unable to find you though. I think your profile might be private (I think it is by default) or you haven't posted. Feel free to see if you can find me:. imlostinlife
@PicturePerfect003
This was a very good suggestion, I'll go and check it too!
@PicturePerfect003 I couldn't find you either. But I set my profile on public now. Can you try again?
@diplomaticBunny2322 Think I found you! I definitely recommend checking it the forums, many the same as here but like I said a little easier to navigate (and not nearly as many bugs)
I am feeling this way too. I tried to join in a few live chats today but they go so quick and are either focused on one person or get really confusing to keep up with and to reply to so I gave up. I managed to pluck up the courage to message a listener after spending ages browsing through the list but didn't get a reply so apprehensive to try again.
@Redphoenix13 I suppose you too, I'm sorry to hear it. Once again, it would be nice us regular people could act as listeners by talking amongst ourselves.
@Redphoenix13
I agree, group chats may be pretty chaotic. I have tried sometimes but left them very quickly...I couldn't understand who was wrtiting to who...I think that when you feel distressed, anxious and such, a one to one conversation is much better.
If you wish to talk to a listener I suggest you to just connect with the first available if you have an acute need to talk. That's what I do to. By doing so, I found a couple of great people. Before I used to browse listeners to try to find something in common, but not receiving any reply was more frustrating than not even trying. You know, listeners reply when they can.
I hope this was helpful for you.
I also think that following each other is a very good way to build up "relationships". I'll go and follow you!
Read my profile, my dear, and if you think we have things in common and would be a nice match, I would be honored to call you friend. I am so isolated, I hardly leave my room. I have OCD so I shower a lot, but then I just put a gown on, I hardly even get dressed anymore. I have no friends or family apart from my 87 year old Dad with whom I live. @MeMyselfAndHer
@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES
Hello!
Nice to meet you, I am happy you wrote me.
Isolation is something we have in common for sure...maybe it has two different reasons, but the result is similar. I am also very lonely after a good number of memorably bad experiences with people. 
I am still undiagnosed, as I explained in the beginning of this thread I live in a place where receiving treatment is impossible. I don't trust self diagnosis, and not even recommend it, but if I shall describe myself I seem to have a borderline personality disorder, but also compulsive behaviors related to cleaning, tidying up, simmetry and even colors...I feel good ony when everything is perfect. I need to be "in control"...that is one of the reasons of my self imposed isolation. When I'm alone, I'm safe.
I have only had sessions with a psychologist on Skype, and her idea was that the bad experiences I had to go through were responsible of my breakdown. So...it is still not clear if mine is a psychiatric condition or just the result of a complicated life. Well, whatever it is, it's hard enough to live with. I'm trying to fight, I really do my best. Some days are black, some are ok, some others are even good...and in those days I really feel I can be helpful for people seeking support. I'd be very happy if we could talk!
@MeMyselfAndHer
Howdy !
I have BPD, OCD, depression, insomnia and binge eating disorder, most of them have been for 34-45 years. Based on what you've written it does sound like you have some form of OCD. Do you constantly check the locks on the doors ? Have intrusive unwanted thoughts, shower and wash your often obsessively or at least more than others ? Those are the main hallmarks of OCD, oh and skin picking and paint peeling as well as having everything lined up, which is what I do as well as you.
I haven't read anything so far that makes me think you have BPD, but do some google research on it, I know it gets jumbled up a lot with bi-polar, but they really are not the same. There are meds for bi-polar folks, borderline people have to do DBT skills training as it really is malaptive personality traits like black or white thinking, unstable relationships, outburst, loving someone on Monday then hating them the next day for a comment we can't cope with, etc. Stacks of stuff on it including whole websites. If you are a reader you may wish to try ' Sometimes I act crazy ' or ' I hate you, don't leave me '. Both are top notch.
@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES
Well...I have described just a little part of the whole picture, that is actually pretty big
I have so many symptoms that I don't even know where to start from. I go from panic attacks, to emetophobia, from depression to suicidal thoughts, from uncontrollable rage outbursts to changing my mood from excited to distressed because of the smallest things, and then back to happy-version of myself unpredictably. These days I am working on identifying what triggers my mood changes, and I already have a pretty detailed list: all things that remind me of the bad events happened to me in the past may push me over the edge (an event, a sentence, a person...to mention one, the word "varsel", that in Norwegian means "notice" petrifies me. It brings me back in time when I had very serious problems at work).
About the compulsive behaviors...I kinda feel distressed and anxious if things are not the way I want them...I can't relax as long as I haven't fixed them. And there comes the isolation...people may "mess up my stuff"...use the toilet without closing it, leave drops in the sink or the hand towel wrinkled... The car is also challenging, I try to never let anyone in, but if it happens, during the whole drive I listen to their moves to hear is they are moving of touching something, and when they leave the car I instantly check if they left foot, or even fingerprints.
And again, I tried to summarize, but I could write a book about how I feel and what I do...
Yeah, I am a weirdo
Ps: are the books you suggested me available as e-reader books? Thank you
@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES
Thinking about bi-polar versus BPD, the main reason why I think I am more on the BPD is that, if I am not mistaken, bi-polar people just change from white to black and back without any clear reason. For me it works differently: my ups and downs always come after a triggering event related to certain specific topics.
Also, I am actually never "too happy" or "too active" as I think is typical of bi-polar disorder. When I am fine I am just calm, I wouldn't even dare saying "positive". I have always been a very dark person, so for me feeling fine means anyway feeling kinda depressed, but in an enjoyable way.
@MeMyselfAndHer
http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/borderline-personality-disorder-bipolar-disorder
@MeMyselfAndHer
https://www.amazon.com/Sometimes-Act-Crazy-Borderline-Personality/dp/0471792144
@SHEAINTGOTNOSHOES
Thanks!! 😊👌🏻
@MeMyselfAndHer
I totally get what you're saying.
The thing about 7Cups is that, although it is a website to help other people, it is still just a website, and therefore, making meaningful friendships can still be just as challenging as making them in real life. I wouldn't bet on trying to make friends with listeners, though. They're the ones that always have to keep you at a certain professional distance. That's not to say they won't be friends with you eventually, but those first few chats I know from experience are going to be very formal.
I make the most connections with people through my feed. ^^ Sometimes I make a post and others reply, and sometimes I make a post and nobody looks at it. But in the end I learn not to take it to heart so much because I KNOW that this site is subjected to groups and cliques no matter how inclusive its portrayed. I'm not necessarily saying that 7Cups is clique-filled in general, but it's just what I expect. On the other hand, it might just seem like there are cliques because there are just so many people on this website in general all talking to one another. So I mainly use this site as a way to vent, as a way to let go of hard emotions, rather than using it to make friends. Because making friends is also hard and intimidating for me to do. However, even when I DO vent, I understand how it can be very lonely when nobody responds, or they just give you a 'heart' or a forum up-vote.
Another reason why it might seem hard to make friends on here is because messaging people individually is extremely limited right now. Members can't even private message other members yet, which I find very frustrating. We can only talk to each other through the feed and through forum posts, both of which are very public and thus that can be intimidating to some people (me for instance).
Anyway, I hope that you will be able to be more comfortable here eventually. :) 7Cups is a pretty great place to be.
@mimameid
Hello Mimameid
Yes, I think this website is not really meant to make friends..but it is good for many other things! For example, I find very useful to write about something everyday...It hab bacome a habit to check this app when I get up in the morning, and see whart hints I get. It helps me sorting my confusion...you know, like when you write about what you have done for yourself today, or what you would change if you could...I like this a lot.
I have found a couple of very good people among the listeners now, and this makes me happy. My story is pretty long and complicated, so it is hard to start a new conversation every time I need to speak...and stert telling the story from the beginning. It is good to have someone who knows me a little bit
