Just ranting idk...feel so alone and lost
I feel so desperately sad and alone and depressed. My life feels less and less worth living every day, and its really affecting my ability to take care of myself, communicate with people and function. But I also feel like people are downplaying what I have going on and not helping. Which makes me worry that perhaps I'm not ill, just a defective weak person. Or that loads of people feel like I do and they just get over it and suck it up like a proper adult. Or even that I'm right, noone cares and my life isn't worth living and I'm not entitled to help or to live so noone is coming to save me. My doctor was so reluctant to refer to me counselling, my friends and family have given up on my situation they rarely check in on me even though I implied how low I've been feeling lately, my partner doesn't seem too worried about me. So maybe what I'm experiencing is normal, but I'm not sure it is - I never behaved like this before depression, and also I've never met someone irl who's depression affected their ability to function as much as mine. I guess I just don't even know if I'm sick or not any more, I've felt this way for so long that now its starting to feel normal and I worry I'm overreacting or expecting too much from doctors and MH services. I'm starting to feel like maybe the self harm and s**cidal thoughts aren't something that needs fixing, they're normal for me now and something I deserve so I should quit bothering people about it. But at the same time my life is starting to feel unbearable because I vaguely remember my old life and how I used to be, and I want to believe that that is my true normal and I should aim to return to it.
Hey there, it is obvious to me that things are getting worse there. You know when I joined the depression group I was completely losing it and it saved me big time. That very day I did not know what to do bcz I had so much problems but I think u are on a diff level. There is another group called ADAA I am in and there a lot of ppl as well are having hard time but we are helping each other but what I noticed with that group is that most of us rely heavily on the breathing exercises. Have u tried them. To my understanding, your mind is filled with thoughts and the breathing exercises can help a lot bcz they deal with the brain and some ratios empty the mind. There is one app in appstore which is called Pranabreath and has the empty mind ratio which I have tried and to my amazement worked like a charm. One obviously has to be dedicated to it in order to see results. As time when on I could just pushed thoughts and they would just go away. You seem like one who could benefit from this. I know it sounds untrue that breathing can do anything but it is scientifically proven and I have no medical background bt I saw results. The other thing I am noticing is that u seem to be dwelling on neg thoughts. I used to be like that and now I push them as well even though that demands discipline. We are not here to judge but to help others with tools that helped us as well.
@Annony123 thank you for replying to my post it really means a lot. Yes I think I need more help than this site can give me, I'm reaching a point of feeling like I can't fight this anymore and seeking help from my gp, mental health orgs etc hasn't been successful.
What is ADDA, is it part of 7cups? I am currently in recovery from covid and trying to cure my post-covid fatigue/poor breathing with breathing exercises on days I can find the motivation to do them and this hasn't made me feel any happier, but maybe they are just the wrong kind of breathing to improve my mood as they are specifically designed for respiratory illness.
I know I dwell on the negative too much, its all I can see .I'm not doing it on purpose. My friends have accused me of being too negative and have started to distance themselves from me. I wish I could push the thoughts about how much I dislike myself and how meaningless my life is away, but they are so intrusive and feel too true to ignore.
