It's frustrating.
Most of the time, I want to be mad at myself as I cannot function normally like other people.
I used to enjoy a lot of things and wouldn't bother about opinion of others. I used to be able to work on everything without hesitation. I used to be able to solve everything without asking anyone's help. However, I think I was in my last straw since last year.
It has been years that I don't feel like myself at all. I lost my interest in everything and I don't feel like I'll lose anything if it will happen that way. Everything I used to enjoy and that makes me happy, they're all now frustate me so much. I just want to throw away this negativity as far as I can and as soon as I have a chance. I beg you, I just want to function normally like I used to do.
I ask myself almost everytime whenever I do something: why can't I just live my life normally like other people? Can I stop pretending as if I were the only one who suffer the most?
Feels like it doesn't make sense at all and it drives me insane as I don't know how to talk more about it chronologically. I can't solve it nor do something about it yet and I really hate it. I don't know the actual source of my unhappiness or anything about it. I thought it's just a burnt out, but it persists for years already.
I don't want to live my life like this. I was supposed to make my parents proud of me. But now, I'm just a failure as they regret for my existence. I apologize for my failure for being unable to do most of things. I'm really sorry. I'm tired to be called as lazy but I don't know what's wrong inside my mind.
I don't know which category of depression that I've experienced as I haven't gotten a chance to seek professional help.
@yellowSquare5747 your post resonates with me a lot, thank you for sharing. MH issues can persist for many years,, seemingly without cause. It can feel very confusing.
When we talk about wishing to function normally like 'other people', I think it can help to remember that there is no such thing as 'normal', just trying your best. Plus, you are probably comparing yourself to other people who are fucntioning at 100%, or whatever perfect looking snippets of their lives they share on social media. Try to focuss on what is your own best at this point in time, not what others can do.
I too feel I used to be better at enjoying life and expereicnig joy, functioning efficiently, and not caring about other peoples opinions. Losing a sense of self is hard, but it doesn't mean you won't discover a new sense of self, or new interests, in the future. I know it seems bleak now, but you will move into a new better reality eventually - don't look back or beat yourself up for not living up to the standards of your seemingly better past self.
You are not lazy, you are probably just unwell, and struggling with the fast paced demands of a a harsh world that doesn't have much symptathy for those with MH issues. But there is hope - there are great doctors, self help books, medications, and kind souls out there. I'm sure you can make your freinds and family proud of you in other ways some day, even if not in the ways your originally hoped. I think the resilience that us depressed people display is reason enough to be proud, even in those moments where we feel at our lowest.
I wish you well.
Hello,
First of all, I apologize for the late respond as I've been away from using this application.
Secondly, I can't thank you enough for your kind words. I've never accepted any words like yours so it made me feel at ease to meet someone who can actually understand my struggles right now.
Your words truly are everything that I think I've been experiencing. Everything has been way too fast paced as both of us still don't know much what to do to solve it.
All the good words you've said to me, I really want to sent those back to you. I know and I believe you've been doing your best all this time. I know we've never met nor interacted before, but I do know and believe you're a kind and a good person.
Feel free to reach me out whenever necessary. I'll be here for you and I'll do my best to support you because your words alone helped me quite much.
Have a good day/night as always, my friend. Don't ever forget to take care of yourself, because you matter the most.
Let's overcome all of this together once more.
@yellowSquare5747 I hear you're going through many experiences at once. Your worth does not reflect on what you do, you are so much more! Thank you for sharing with us, know that you are not alone! Feel free to reach out to us
@yellowSquare5747 I feel your frustration and despair. Its tough to manage these feelings of hopelessness and feel overwhelmed and alone. Have you been able to reach out to a friend or relative and open up to share your feelings?
I'd like to reassure you , you are not alone. Depression is treatable and although it's hard to imagine ever feeling better, one day there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Have you looked at the 7cups self help guides? https://www.7cups.com/forum/DepressionSupportCommunity_52/LivingandCopingwithDepression_30/ranthelp_262062/1/#2812014 here is one regarding Depression.
Hi. I just want to say you’re not alone and if you ever want to talk about it, I’m here. Ive been experiencing the same thing for a while now and started taking medication for it along with anxiety.
Hello,
First of all, I apologize for the late reply as I've been away quite long after the last time I used this application.
I truly feel grateful to meet awesome people like you. Feel free to reach me out as well whenever necessary. I'll do my best to survive so we can talk more once again.
Wishing you good things and I hope you'll recover completely once again.
Have a good day/night, my friend. And take care as always. We will always here for you!