I killed my fishes
I didn't murder my fishes, I never did it with intent to harm or hurt the fishes, but they died in my bedroom while I was there. I can't get rid of the guilt, it's eating me, and my parents keep mentioning that I murdered my fishes as a joke, even though I clearly cry and react when they do it. Please, I don't want to feel guilty or pain anymore about it. They're dead fishes who died a day after I got them, four of them in a small tank with water too clean. I keep telling myself that's why they died, because that definitely had something to do with it, including shock, but I know I lifted them out the water tank when I saw they weren't moving much, they were still alive, and I kept taking them in and out the water like a fucking idiot thinking me unknowingly choking them would help. I don't know if they died in my hands because of me or if they died because of the shock and water change, but it's killing me
@SBJme I am sorry you are going through something so difficult. No matter what you are feeling your feelings are valid. When I am overwhelmed with emotions I find that it helps to write it down. This may sound a bit silly but you can try writing a letter to your fishes expressing your guilt and your love for your fishes even though yours was a short relationship. I hope you feel better and when things get hard just remember you will get through this.
@SBJme I'm not sure if this helps, but we have a big aquarium here. It was filled with fancy tailed guppies, over 50 at least. Beautiful fish. 1 day, we thought getting some new stock would help the health of the tank. We only bought 6 new fish. The fish from the pet store must have been sick when we got them. In 3 days time, all but 1 fish had died and it was devastating. Chances are, it was nothing you did, just that they were sick when you got them. I do know that you need to let the bag they're in soak in the tank to let them get used to the temperature and it might be good to add the water they came in into the tank. There is also something called Start Right here that conditions the water to help prevent shock. I found out here, that we shouldn't have dumped the water from the bag they were in into the tank. That's what contaminated the water in an established tank. I hope you'll try some new fish again and that they do well for you. Try not to let what your parents are saying bother you, I know that can be easier said than done though.
This helped me feel not alone, I'm sorry about you guys' lost, I hope your new fish live well. Maybe we didn't soak them long enough, and I definitely think it was shock that got them too, and the water we put in was very clean. I didn't try new fish but we got a pet bird, I was hesitant at first because my confidence in raising animals had really sunk low, but a year later and I'm so grateful we got him! I just think I'm more of a hands on person, as in, I like to play and interact with the pets (me and our bird play peekaboo!), but I would definitely try again when I'm older if I get an outside pond, and I'll try your suggestion too if I remember 😂 50 fishes is a lot though, I hope you all did okay :)
@SBJme I'm glad it helped you feel less alone. :) You'll do great the next time you get fish. Your bird sounds like a lot of fun! :)
@SBJme as others have said, fish can be really tricky sometimes, and it could have been so many different things that lead to their death, I don't think you need to hold any guilt. They can be really sensitive, but of course they are animals so it's natural to feel sad about their passing, especially when it happened in your own space. You could always try mentioning how you feel guilty to your parents and ask them to stop the jokes, because it's not very funny to you. You might be able to have a small funeral or goodbye to the fish, even if it seems silly sometimes it can give you a chance to bring peace to your mind. I know it's easy to look back and think about all the what-ifs, but the truth is in the moment you were doing what you thought was best. You had no bad intentions, and there's no real way to tell what ultimately caused their deaths. I think it's normal to have those kinds of thoughts and feelings after something like this happens, I think most people feel guilty after a pet dies no matter how it happened, even when they had literally nothing to do with it, and I think that just means you care and you have a big heart :) It doesn't mean you really are guilty or have anything to feel bad about.
Thank you 😊 I told my mum when she joked earlier, as we were talking about pets and stuff, and I admitted I felt like I had a part in it, and she fully understood and told me it was probably to do with the water. After saying that, and writing this and reading these replies, I feel a lot better about the situation now. Though if I could do it differently, I definitely would. :)