I feel like everyone close to me hates me because they know the 'real me'
I feel like everyone who gets close to me can't stand me. Back story-
My mum, sister, ex boyfriend and current boyfriend dislike me for the same reasons, apparently I'm inconsiderate, mean, aggressive, disrespectful etc basically I can't say anything nicely and I attack everyone around me.
So those are all the people who know me best and if they think that of me how can I have confidence. Clearly they're right about me, however what I'm not okay with and what I don't think I deserve is how they treat me because of it, I get yelled at and no support or kindness and caring from them, it's almost like they're all special fed up of me and how I am that any feelings of care and compassion are long since dead. I can't take it anymore being at war in my head whether I deserve to hate myself and be treated as such or if I just pick them bad and need to get out. Each time I try to resolve whatever I've done to upset people it's met with such hostility and closed off-ness and I don't know how to talk to them. I try explaining I'm depressed and down and I get the general attitude of 'yeah well if you want support you should be nicer to the people you want support from'
How do I learn to love myself while either I am the bitch or they are for being unsupportive?