@Hurtandconfused86
That is what is most disconcerning...most of us depressed people do not know why...my depression was lurking since the end of childhood but it really hit hard about 9 years ago when it became major depression and totally incapacitated me...I was a very active person and maintained my household by myself, letting my wife be free, travelled, studdied, worked...then it hit me...
Why, I do not know...
Just like you, I have bipolar depression traits too which means I am ok for a while then I am suddenly not ok again...well mostly not ok since major depression took over...
Due to my peculiar imune and methabolic systems most antidepressants did not work on me...
Many people say alcohol leads to depression but in my case was the reverse, depression was the cause of alcohol abuse since I had depression before I became an alcoholic...
I am sorry, I always said, in the depression comunity that us are so depressed tgat we cannot even help each other, however, we can share...
I have lost my wife to a divorce among other traumas but I don't think that is the core of my depression and always thought it was smth deeper or smth even physical since they found an unknown brain parasite or smth in Africa responsible for lethargy and loss of will to live...
In my own world I defined depression as: loss of will to live (because my other medical problems aside, I was able both physically and intelectually but my soul somehow put on the brake and said, no, not living anymore and all systems shut down...)
I am happy for ypu that you rebuild your marriage and the episodes are just bipolar depression like, maybe in your case it will pay to try some bipolar medication and therapy and just enjoy life to extent that you have it...(I regret now that I did not...)
I reallly wish you well...