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Hurtandconfused86
1,013 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts36 Forum posts35 Forum upvotes29 Current upvotes29 Age GroupAdult Last activeFebruary, 2024 Member sinceJuly 5, 2020
Recent forum posts
Parental burnout
Relationship Stress / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 February 20th
...See more I work from home about 70% of the time. So our daughter (1) is home with me when I am WFH. My wife works outside the home. We both work pretty high stress jobs that are mentally draining. But I’m finding that my wife doesn’t really seem capable of splitting parenting duties very evenly. When she gets home from work, she immediately wants to nap. She gets home at roughly 4 and will nap until about 6. Sometimes our daughter will lay down and nap with her but it’s not often. So by the time she wakes up from her nap, I’ve been both parenting and working for about 12 hours. We will then eat dinner. I typically cook. At 7:30, we start getting our daughter ready for bed. As soon as she is laid down, my wife will typically go to bed as well. I will then typically take a couple hours to myself to just unwind and shut my brain off.  She does suffer from severe anxiety and panic attacks which is very energy draining. She has been prescribed meds to boost her energy levels but over the years she’s maxed out on the dosage. They pretty much only work to get her through the workday with basically no energy left. Even on weekends, she will sleep in until 11-noon. Get up for a couple hours then as soon as it’s our daughter’s nap time, she will lay down as well. 30 mins later our daughter will wake from her nap and my wife will need more time, leaving it all on me alone again.  I’ve brought it up to her, and she will try. But she’s so out of energy after a few mins that she either has to hand her back to me or make an energetic 1yo sit still in a recliner with her. More recently, I’ve been asking for breaks on the weekend Ms to either rest myself or get things done around the house. She will agree but then end up sick or with a headache.  I love her, and she tries but it’s just not enough. She often comes to me in tears because she feels like a horrible mom. There are times all our daughter wants is to play with her and she just cannot muster the energy to do it. I’ve asked her to talk to her doctor about this and she has said there’s no use. She knows the issue and there’s nothing more they can really do. I’m not going to leave her or anything, that’s not even on the table. I just don’t really know what can be done. My family is 600 miles away. Her family is local. Her mom watches our daughter when I’m not working from home. But she’s in her late 70’s and just doesn’t have the energy for me to drop her off everyday either. Things were not as bad, pre baby. She would come home and nap, but she would stay up later. She didn’t really sleep in on weekends. She had a very rough pregnancy and it just totally changed her energy levels. I don’t put any of the blame on her. I’m doing all I can to support her, but it’s absolutely burning me out. I’m not sure how much longer I can continue doing this much. It’s so difficult to watch her try and just not have the energy. I know it tears her up. I don’t want to get to the point I cannot do it either. I don’t know what options there are. She’s really against talking to her doctor about it because she thinks she just knows. It’s frustrating. I’m sure there’s something else going on. I just don’t know if there’s another way to approach it.
Step family problems
Relationship Stress / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 August 20th, 2023
...See more My son and wife (his step mom) do not get along. It’s been an issue since he came to live with us a year ago. They seemed to get along ok before that. But my wife is far more strict than I am. I often work out of town, leaving him in her custody. Recently. He asked to move back with his mom. This entire situation has caused a lot of drama in our household. It’s caused me a depressive episode in which my wife was not really supportive. My son and I go away this evening for a walk and had a long talk. He expressed not really wanting to be around her. If it were only me, he wouldn’t be leaving. He, accurately, called out how he can see I’m not overly happy, but feel stuck since we have a new daughter. He said he understands not leaving. His sister needs me more than he does, but that I need to think about what will make me happy, not everyone else. Am I wrong for staying? Would I be wrong to leave?
Having to choose
Family & Caregivers / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 August 22nd, 2023
...See more I have full custody of my son. He lives with me and my wife (his step mom). He came to us roughly a year ago after a large fight with his mom. She kicked him out after he became manipulative and abusive towards her. When his mom called to inform me, I dropped everything and went to get him right away. (We’re about 10 hours away) I moved him in with me and we began the difficult task of getting him the help he needed. Through one school year, you could see massive change in him. He came to us as a kid who was taking swings at my pregnant wife. By the end of the school year, everybody was commenting on his huge turnaround and how fantastic he was doing. Per the parenting plan, he had to go spend the summer with his mom. I was afraid there would be regression. The day before he was supposed to come home, I knew I was right when he started asking to stay longer and trying to manipulate me into getting what he wanted. I ended up giving in and letting him stay an extra couple weeks. Fast forward I pick him up and bring him home. First day back is fantastic. Second day I can tell something is off. He was moping around and being not himself. When I asked him what was wrong, he stated he wanted to move back in with his mother. Not because he preferred it with her. But because the rest of his family is there. We set up a chat with his mom. We discussed the situation and agreed it was best for him to stay here with me. Immediately, the manipulation returned. He accused myself and my wife of abusing him. He refused to apologize because it was “his truth”. Still now, unapologetic. This made my wife extremely uncomfortable. She could lose her job and custody of our daughter if he made such accusations. She became uncomfortable being around him. She said she would no longer be alone with him because she needed a witness since he would throw around such accusations. She then then began to worry that he may escalate to violence to get what he wanted. It left me in a difficult spot. Protect my wife and daughter by making my teenager leave, or possibly ruin my marriage by allowing him to stay. I feel trapped in the middle. My son’s mom agreed to take him. And now he feels unwanted. He was kicked out of his moms, now he’s been kicked out of here. I hate having to choose, and I’m wondering if I made the right decision. This is killing me. I have been unable to sleep. Unable to take care of my daughter. I’m having issues just talking with my wife. She’s afraid I will come to resent her. I just want to be able to protect everyone and make everyone happy while keeping my family together. Did I make the wrong decision?
Wife sleeps constanly
Relationship Stress / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 August 30th, 2022
...See more When we first started dating, she warned me of her love for naps. No big deal. Everybody loves a nap, right? In the earlier phases she did nap a lot, but she’d still make time to go out and do things. The longer and longer we dated, and into engagement, that slowed down and she was sleeping more and more. She definitely was dealing with depression, so it’s understandable. But there were days she’d sleep 14+ hours a day. Go to work, come home, nap until dinner, eat and go to bed. I get it. Life is tough sometimes and we need rest. We’d make time to do things on weekends. Move forward to trying to get pregnant. She goes off of some meds and she’s sleeping more. Understandable, I get it. Still, she’d make time to do things. Now she is pregnant and she basically never leaves bed other than to go to work, if she does. She’s been in bed since Friday evening and has only gotten up once today to grab something to eat. She’s sleeping over 20 hours a day, and laying in bed any time she’s not sleeping. I get it, pregnancy is awfully tough on the body. But I’m getting stir crazy. I don’t want to leave her alone. I want to be here to take care of her, but I want to do things with her other than lay in bed. She knows going out and being active is very important to me. It’s putting a big strain on the relationship. I don’t want to be too pushy, but it seems to be overly not healthy and it’s driving my anxiety and depression through the roof. Am I the bad guy here?
Sex post divorce
Relationship Stress / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 November 11th, 2020
...See more My wife and I separated earlier in the year. Recently, I had sex for the first time in 20 years with someone who wasn't her. The sex was ok. It was a little different than what I had been used to. But afterward, I had this overwhelming feeling of regret and sorrow. Not just for myself or my ex, but also the woman I slept with. She has been persistently contacting me since. Wanting to get back together again. And I just don't want to do it, but I also don't want to make her feel like I had used her. She's a wonderful woman, but I feel like I can't do it again with her as I feel terrible about the situation. And now I'm afraid I'll have the same feelings of regret with different partners in the future. I'm enjoying dating again. Meeting new people and having a great time. I enjoy intimate moments, kissing, cuddling, etc, but I'm afraid that I'm going to have regrets if I sleep with someone else again. I would love to have these relationships blossom in that direction, but don't want to feel so hurt and confused afterward. What can one do in this situation to move passed these feelings of regret?
Today is a good day
Depression Support / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 July 31st, 2020
...See more After hitting the lowest of lows I've hit yet, I've followed it up with 2 great days. I'm starting to see my value again. I'm starting to care about myself again. I'm seeing others do care about me and I would cause a lot of pain if I left. To everybody that is feeling down on themselves, feeling hopeless, hang in there. You're worth it. You have people that care about you. You're not a burden to them. Don't be afraid to reach out to them. I know what you're going through. I've been there. And I'm always here for you if you ever need somebody to talk to. I'm sure others here will be there to talk to you as well. Never hesitate. I want you to have a good day too.
Maybe things would be better if I didn
Depression Support / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 July 31st, 2020
...See more I feel myself slowly not caring more and more. Like maybe things would be better if I didn't wake up tomorrow. I have a healthy life insurance policy. My family is taken care of and I'm not hurting anymore. Seems like a win/win situation. I'm just, tired of hurting tired people not understanding, just, tired of being tired.
Having a rough day
Depression Support / by Hurtandconfused86
Last post
 July 28th, 2020
...See more I go through good days and bad days. I'm having a pretty tough day today. Just needing a friend to talk to.
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