Forgetting how it feels
Let me start this off by saying, hi, haven't seen you in a while. The reason why I haven't really been around is because I got so swept up in life that it almost distracted me away from depression. Almost.
There were times when I completely forgot what it felt like to be depressed, to have those dark days where everything felt hopeless and giving up and giving in felt like the only way. There were even times when I thought maybe I wasn't depressed at all because the world didn't feel like it was ending.
But it's still here.
It may not be here in such extreme ways as it was before but it still lies beneath the surface and creeps up on me.
I notice it in small things. Things like feeling completely drained and unmotivated to do things I enjoy. Isolating myself on bad days where things go wrong. Making and breaking plans because I'm either tired or feel like it will be mentally draining. Not sleeping enough. Sleeping too much.
Depression hasn't left. The difference is that I don't allow it to consume me in darkness anymore. I'm not sure at what point I stopped letting it consume me and fought back, but it seems like I did. It feels like I've gained some control over my life.
I guess i'm just trying to say that things do get better little by little. The change isn't dramatic or completely life altering, but it is progress. Life stops feeling like a battle and starts feeling like an actual life. All you can do is keep going with hope in your heart and a little determination.
To anyone struggling out there, keep at it. Depression may feel like a monster but the beast can be tamed if you can be patient with yourself.
Love always - DA
@discreetAcres6234
Hello! I am very happy to hear about the progress you are making and i find it amazing! Thank you for sharing this with us, i appreciate you for your courage. This is what working with yourself looks like, a progress made step by step and the benefits are huge in the end. Keep going!
I wish you all the best!
@discreetAcres6234
We don't know each other, but I loved reading this. I feel it 100%. It's why I joined this site in the first place. I almost forgot about my issues for awhile too, but they did creep back up and I knew I needed to address them in a healthy manor! It's great to hear someone getting stronger and reaching out with their inspiration. Thank you.
@spasticrabbit thank you so much for this response :) I actually smiled so much while reading this. I'm glad that my post resonated with you in such a way. I wasn't sure if people would be able to relate to my post but now I realise that we are all at different stages in our lives/recoveries. It's also comforting to hear that i'm not alone in the way my life is going now.
It's good to hear that you were doing well and reached out when you felt yourself slipping. There is no shame in reaching out when things start going south. Better days are still ahead, the bad times can't last forever.
I hope you are having/have had a good day :)
Love - DA
This post is so inspirational!
My dream is to wake up one day with the realizatoin that I haven't been depressed for years, for depression to be a memory of the past, something where when I think about it I go, "Oh yeah, I used to be depressed. That was a beast."
It sounds like depression is still working its tendrils into your life, but how amazing that you are no longer living in the darkness. I'm sure that with your continued self-support that you will be able to make it the rest of the way!
Thank you so much for posting!
@wontsleepwontwake thank you for this response :) It's nice to know I have people wanting to support me in getting better.
I also wish to one day wake up and have depression be a distant memory of a darker time, but I don't want to get my hopes up. Sometimes I think depression will always be with me. When you've been depressed all your life you kind of feel like it is a part of you that wont ever leave. But I am hopeful that I can learn to live with whatever the future holds for me in terms of mental health. If it continues to stick around, I will have to find a way to make peace with it and work with it instead of against it.
The only way to go is up!
Love - DA
@discreetAcres6234
Yeah! What a great outlook. I do think depression recovery is not a straight line, but curved, with many ups and downs. For me, it's hard to pinpoint when my chronic depression really started, and I often do wonder if I will ever be free of it. The beauty is that I don't know, and that has at least equal opportunity for good things to happen just as much as bad things. Maintaining is still a form of success. *high five*
If we cannot be rid of depression entirely at least we are looking for ways to understand it and work around its effects on our daily lives. Thank you for updating the community on your progress through this post. I'm sure there are many depressed readers who have not replied but where nevertheless inspired or related to what you said. We're stronger together!
Much love!
@discreetAcres6234. Thank you for your encouraging post, I too have months where,it is hidden, it doesn't affect my life as much ,but then out of nowhere it comes and I isolate myself ,and feel really bad, but It takes a while for it to go back to just lurking in the background. Sometimes I feel like I can never beat, so thanks again for sharing your personal story . JR
