Depression Fallout

For those Depressed, PTSD, Personality disorder out there who might be reading this, let me start off by saying hello, I'm so happy you have found the strength to make it one more day through this cold hell. I'm so happy you are taking the time to educate yourself, reach out for help and to listen/read this thread. I want you to know that while you are battling your illness, We, the depressed fallout's, are behind you ready to fight and stand with you.

While I am glad you are here, I want to shed light on to the fallout's who battle just as hard as you do to make the your pain stop, to make you smile and live one more day. You might not understand who we are because you see our face and think you know us, but the truth is your illness takes away any recognition of who we are to you. You once loved us, texted us all day, smiled with us, made memories, but now we are just another piece of granulated rock in the sand and that's ok but let me explain.....

I want to paint you a picture, Imagine a cold winter night, and there is a person standing in the middle of a frozen pond. When you look closer you see the cracks they are standing on are starting to spread. So you call out to the person on the pond in hopes they hear you and come back to safety. but they don't. So, carefully, you edge yourself onto the pond and distribute your weight as you move towards that person in the middle of the pond. When you finally reach them and make eye contact you hold our your hand and the most amazing thing happens, they reach back. Just when you think there is a secure grip, the ice makes a noise and the person you are holding onto falls into the dark, icy water but thanks to you and your hold on them they don't sink. instead, they float in the current, eyes closed, within the water while you lay on the ice. With your arm submerged you hope that they will wake up and if they dont, you pray you have the strength to get theirs heads above water. In the middle of this effort to keep them from drowning, your cheek is being bitten by frost, your arm is going numb and the ice around you too is starting to crack. Now what? Do you let go or do you hang on a moment longer? This is our battle. To hold on a moment longer because you are fighting a moment longer. You are our hero and we will do anything to stay being your sidekicks.

This is a thread for all those who have a spouse, significant other, loved one, a family member who is suffering from depression but those who are in the battle of depression, I hope you will read these comments, stories, and words and realize that this illness isnt just within your head, it's in ours too. What you are battling is terrible and we understand that we might not always empathize, understand, comprehend or even be sensitive enough but you dont understand, empathize, or comprehend our strength, mentality and drive to stay with you, the hero of our hearts.

Let me be the first story you read, and before I get heat over being insensitive, uncompassionate or whatever word you want to use to describe me as, let me explain that I have a genetic history of depression running through my veins. That means I am three times more likely to hit a depression through my lifetime, repeatedly, than any other member of society. In short, cracked ice is a norm for me but I have come across a whole new experience. It's what I come to know as depressed fallout and its pretty much the other side of the fence to those who are facing depression.

Just recently my significant other had been struggling and since I knew the signs, I offered to seek help and thankfully he took it without hesitation. We set up the appointments with the therapist, We looked at our options with the doctor and meds, We read up on the vast world of depression and its sub-contents, hell, we buckled down for this difficult journey that I, an experienced survivor of depression, would know he would take but I was blindsided with silence the moment he saw the therapist. I was sentenced to 3 weeks and continual silence with a word or two every so often. We do not live together, we do not work together but we do live close by. So while I know he needs his space, I personally can't stand silence when tested for more than a week, let alone three. (Let me be clear, besides a message every few days, I respected him enough to give space). All I ever have learned, known or expereinced is that depression can be vocal (aggression) or quiet for a few days, never three weeks. Then I got the message, he was leaving. I'm sure all of you fallout's out there know the speech so I won't repeat it again but for the depressed who are reading this, We understand that it's not you speaking because it's the illness but that doesn't stop the hurt, the pain, the shallow depression we too will now experience. less in severity, of course, but its a small taste of what you are going though. Issue is, no medication can be taken to fix this. Instead we scan the net, Youtube, chatlines for advice, hope and answers. No answer ever comes.

So my question for those of you who are battling with this illness, Why do you stay quiet when we believe you? Why do you insist you fight alone when we have the tools to help you?..... There are so many questions but I fear I will get the same answer to them all, I just dont know how, I can't accept help, or maybe I dont know if I love you anymore... Ive been there, I understand but you just made a breakup more complicated then it needs to me. Often it ends with us making more of a mess because we dont want to accept or hero is leaving.

So my fellow fallout's, What are your stories you want the Depressed and fighting to know?