Deep, crippling depression.
Today it continues, with nothing specific except that I feel alone, rejected, and malfunctional. I feel like I am warring with myself; I have this brain that wants to die with a body that wants to live. A constant struggle. I'm exhausted and I'm so, so, sad that I don't even know if I'll see the light again, not that I even remember that last time I saw it in the first place.
I reached out to friends, but they have problems of their own I don't need to burden. I tried the Sucide Prevention Hotline but it did no good. Talk therapy and my therapist doesn't seem to help either. And honestly, as much as I appreciate the positive thoughts and the community, even talking to a listener on here makes no difference.
I am not okay. I accept this. What I don't accept is the toture and the fact that I don't know how long it's gonna keep lasting or how long I can keep putting up with it.
@offthebeat You're not alone in feeling like that. It's so hard to see the light when all you've seen is darkness for so long. And as someone who is currently also in the darkness, i just, i have to believe that eventually the light will exist again.
Until then I read, I cry, I talk to the few people that might listen, and make art. And on the days like yesterday where none of my tools worked, i hid in my room.
I hope you have moments in your day that even if they're small 5 second moments, have a spark of light. And know that you're not alone and that other people have felt like us and have gotten through it - why shouldn't we be any different. If there is ever anything you crave or you want to do/watch, do it right then.
x
@KindPear I just want to extend a thank you for the support and for feeling like I'm not alone in this. I hope you also find those small moments of light in this darkness and hopefully we'll both find it sooner rather than later and get through this time where it seems like everything is going wrong.
I am sorry that you are dealing with this.
I understand.
